bar or restuarant or wherever first. this annoys me becos it means i end up dealing with the staff to get us a table or negotiating my way through a crowd with him following along behind. then if we are at dinner or something the waiter will kinda just deal with me the rest of the evening since i got the table and lead the way in. i would like him to take charge. i am a submissive girl and i am happy to stay that way. dont get me wrong i can be assertive but i would prefer not to. i think the man should go first and sort things out.
2007-08-26 09:58:55 · 21 answers · asked by darkling 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I think that's nice he opens the door for you. Maybe you can tell your boyfriend that you appreciate the gesture but you're uncomfortable "leading the way" into the restaurant, and maybe he could lead once the both of you get inside the building (after he's opened the door for you of course).
2007-08-26 10:04:20 · answer #1 · answered by Reese 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Actually, if there is no host then the man is suppose to lead the way to the table. If there is a host then you follow the host and your man goes along side or behind you. If a host offers an elbow for you to hang on to you are supposed to do it...it is proper. When your boyfriend opens the door for you then you stand to the side and take his arm when he comes in. When you are out walking then the man takes the side towards the curb. If you make a turn then he would cross behind you and assume the curb side once again. Aren't manners lovely. They can give a feeling of security because you can be confident that what you are doing is correct. What men seek most is to be respected...women seek most to be loved. When a woman is confident of the love then respect for the man is a natural outcome. Just a little extra. Even the Bible says, Men love your wives, women respect your husbands. Mmm
2007-08-26 17:54:50 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is holding the door open to be gentlemanly.
Rather than walking all the way into the establishments, try just walking through the door and when he comes in, either falling in beside him and taking his arm or falling in behind him.
Many places have an entry way with the door to the outside on one side and the door to the room/building on the other side. If the palce you are going into has a set up like that, then go through the first door and open the second door for him.
2007-08-27 17:35:47 · answer #3 · answered by Will Y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got it wrong, you haven't learned proper etiquette when a man opens a door for you. Your body language is wrong. After he opens the door for you, say thank you (or not if it's a common practice between you two), go inside and allow him to catch up with you. You shouldn't be "leading the way in." After you get through the door, hang out for a second instead of bursting through and on ahead. You can then be in it together or allow him to take the initiative. PLEASE give the guy a chance to be a gentleman. I love having men open doors for me. If one is there at the same time I am, I usually pause to send the message for him to open the door for me.
2007-08-26 18:52:32 · answer #4 · answered by Goldenrain 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know, I never thought of it that way. People today don't know the customs. Years ago a man would open the door for his sweetie, she would go in the restaurant first and the host would smile at her, greet her, but wait for the man to come in.
It's like the old European tradition of hand-kissing. When a European man kisses a woman's hands, his lips don't touch her hand. American women don't know this, so they raise their hand, slapping him in the face!
Gallant customs are sort of like a game, you have to know the rules to play along.
What you should do is go into the restaurant first, then when the host or hostess speaks to you, you hold up a finger, as if to say 'Wait just a minute, the man is coming in right behind me.' Or you might even say something like 'Just a minute, please.' I agree it's a little awkward, but if people don't know how to play the game you have to make allowances.
2007-08-26 17:10:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Don't make a big deal out of it. Just step aside when you go into the restaurant/bar/whatever, and wait for your boyfriend to come in after you. Then reach for his hand and walk in together. If you do this then you won't have to have a whole weird talk about how you want him to deal with the waiters.
2007-08-26 17:28:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're a submissive girl, then you also understand that when stepping into a room such as a bar or a restaurant, when the hostess speaks to you, you can either drop your gaze and look down, or turn and look toward the man who opened the door.
Those are both enough signal to whoever is speaking to you to wait for him to answer for you.
It's not that difficult.
Besides, if he swung the door open and walked through it ignoring you, you'd probably be upset about that.
2007-08-26 17:18:14 · answer #7 · answered by Odd Little Animal 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Be thankful your boyfriend opens doors for you and lets you go in first. It's being respectful of you, and it's a sign of him being a gentleman and there aren't enough of them around any more. But, to answer your question, try this: Thank him as he opens the door for you, go right in - but when you get inside just step to the side a bit and turn to him slightly. That will send him, and the host/hostess, the message that he is now in charge and you want the host/hostess to address him instead of you. That's what I do and it works. I'm "over the hill" and my husband is still the gentleman he was when we met many years ago. I'm still thankful for that.
2007-08-26 17:16:58 · answer #8 · answered by Gram 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm surprised you can't figure out what to do. Like someone else said; once you're inside, stop and let him get ahead of you and let HIM lead the way.
When my sister and her bf were dating, he held doors, chairs, her hand....when they came out of the church he got into the driver's side as my sister stood by the passenger side. She said, "Aren't you going to open the door for me?" He answered, "You got a broken arm or something" The marriage was over 2 years later. He showed his TRUE colors that day.
I've been married over 38 years and I STILL open my wife's car door (unlock it and open it when she drives), hold doors for her, hold her hand when we're walking, etc etc. And I'll continue to do it even when it takes us 1/2 hour to walk from the sidewalk to the front door!
2007-08-26 18:47:54 · answer #9 · answered by AmericanPatriot 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wait just inside the door and let him get the table
2007-08-26 18:00:06 · answer #10 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋