Why can't my mom be less of a b*tch towards me?

Question

My mom and I do NOT get along. I have recently moved out. Then I got into some financial trouble due to my daughter's father not paying his support. Well. We started staying at my mom's on the weekends while I'm off so my child is able to eat. We have NO food. I cannot get any kind of assistance because they say I make too much. I spend no money on anything other than gas to get to and from work. I don't even see my child from Tues-Sat. Instead of sitting at home moping about everything I have been working double shifts at work, hoping to maybe earn a little more money so I can buy food and go home. I hate having to stay at my mom's when we have our own place. Anyway.. She gripes about EVERYTHING I do.. Even when I go out of my way to do something she still finds something wrong with how I did it. I suppose this is more of a vent than a question.. Anybody else have a similar problem with their mom? I'm rippin my hair out here..

My mom keeps my daughter during the week and we live 20 minutes apart. I do this because she watches her for nothing.. She doesn't want me to put her in daycare..

My mom is sick.. She has had a heart attack and triple bypass.. Which in turn caused a lot of lung problems.. I stick around because my daughter is about the only thing that keeps my mom going.. I don't think I could distance myself and pull my daughter away from her. Not at this point..

To answer a lot of questions and statements and what not.. I am working hard.. I am trying to give myself credit for doing the things I have. I believe I've come a long way in the last 2 years alone.. My daughter was a surprise.. After a 6 1/2 yr relationship with her dad, I didn't think he'd skip out on me.. We weren't much interested in marriage.. I am looking for a different job.. I am very thankful to my mom for watching my daughter and feeding us. I do everything I can for her but it's never enough. Or good enough. I just feel lost.

I knew I'd just get aggravated with this thing. There are so many details I can't add due to the limited characters. I'm not trying to place fault. I appreciate my mom. When i lived here, if they wanted things they had things. She's angry because I moved out, but she was angry because I was living here. It was a lose lose situation. Like i said.. I can't include all of the details.

I guess I should add that I have health problems as well. I know my mom is sick and I do everything I can to help. Sometimes I just can't do it because I am sick. I don't complain, I just say I can't that I don't feel well. She knows how serious my disease is and what it does to me on bad days. This is enough for her to back off, but she still will call me whatever name she can think of and tell my aunts how lazy I am and what a b*tch I am. The list goes on. Anway... I usually end up in the hospital. I have recently started a very aggressive treament and I haven't felt better in a VERY long time. I've been doing more. She still wasn't satisfied with it.

On the support issue.. he is court ordered to pay support.. he pays it when he has a job.. But I guess he's lost yet another job. I don't know.. When I ask, I get the run around. I have already contacted the courthouse and our caseworker. As for assistance.. I cannot get any kind of assistance because they say I make too much. I make right at $90 more than the maximum for a family of 2.. They don't take into consideration my auto insurance, car payment, NOTHING.. The only thing that is considered is my rent and utilities. That's all well and good except I have other bills. We do not have cable tv, internet. Nothing like that. I do have my cellphone because it is my primary phone and because there is such a distance between my daughter and myself during the week and because i work in a different zip code and it's not long distance for my mom to reach me. I look at my cellphone as a necessity more than a luxury. I do not have a house phone. etc...

Answer 1

Distance yourself and your daughter she is taking advantage of you because she thinks you need her so bad. So distance less seeing her and less everything. It will work

Answer 2

I can speak from a mom's point of view. I have a grown daughter with children. When she has financial troubles I help her as much as I can. I'm not financially well off, so the help I can give is limited. Sometimes, no matter how much I can do, she still struggles. I get b****y because I'm frustrated because I can't fix the situation. Maybe your mom is worried about what will happen to her daughter and grandbaby if something happens to her. All I can say is that you should make sure your mom knows how much you appreciate her help and when you have the time, find something really sweet to do for her.
Good luck and I hope things improve for you soon.

Answer 3

Maybe it goes deeper, maybe she is stressed about something or has a burden with you that she hasn't let go, So just be the bigger person and just be good to her I know this may seem hard, but one day you will be glad you did. Now think about this. She IS watching your Daughter free of Charge from Tuesday to Saturday which most people will not do! and she is also feeding you guys. Stop looking at everything that is making you upset and look beyond that for what she is doing for you and your Daughter, if it wasn't for her where would you and your Daughter be? Would you be fed? How much more money would you have to put out for Daycare food etc if she wasn't helping you??....Ask yourself...

Answer 4

Sounds like you have major financial problems honey, you work and was in receipt of support for your child.

Why are you not in court making him pay, don't wait too long they only go back so far when they find him and garnishee his pay check. If he is on Social assistance then you qualify for something.

Get a job closer if you spend all your money on gas your like a rat on a spinning wheel not getting nowhere.

Finding fault in someone who is helping you doesn't show good character on your part honey. You have to remember that your mother won't always be there for you you have to fight your own battles, if you stayed at your place you could afford food and there are government programs for low income mothers who need daycare, forget what your mother wants she's a b right?

Its all about choices, you are where you are because you choose to stay at your mother's. Why couldn't your mother go to your house to watch the child if she doesn't want her in daycare?

Not everything is your mother's fault, maybe she is irritable because she constantly has to worry about you and now also the welfare of your child, you are lucky to have a mother who cares whether your baby has proper meals or not. Do a little soul searching and peace be with you.

Answer 5

Rule of thumb *Never count on child support to pay your bills. If I did that I'd be in a hole too.

It sounds like you're working pretty hard but maybe you need to get into a different line of work to sustain yourself without the child support or anyone elses help. I know it's hard. I have been in a similar situation. Except my mom isn't really a b*tch to me unless I do something that she has a problem with. But anyway,,,you should try to find a job making more money. If your back is up against the wall then it sucks but you'll have to just put up with your moms stinky attitude. Have you ever tried talking to her about why she acts the way she does? I know the times that my mom has flipped out on me I will be really "FRANK" with her and ask her...."It's clear you're in a bad mood, what's the problem?". Usually she'll let me know and we'll discuss how we can make this living arrangement more comfortable for both of us. Other times I find out she is stressed out over her own issues and she's overreacting. So I just suggest you talk to your mom. Maybe she has underlying issues that make her mood not so pleasant.
*I just read your additional details and my dad had a quadruple bypass about 4-5 years ago. That changes a persons life and their outlook on life as well. Your mom is doing a lot for you considering she's sick. Maybe you should try to cater to her like she is doing for you. She might lighten up. Your mom might feel like you're not too concerned about her health. Try being sensitive to HER needs, because right now you're focused on "ME ME ME". I'm not implying you're selfish, but you have alot of issues going on it sounds like...stop, take a breath and think about what you're mom is going through.

Answer 6

I think you mom may not be feeling very appreciated. You are in a very difficult situation, but it has been brought on by your actions of having a child out of wedlock with a deadbeat dad. Don't take your frustrations with your situation out on your mom. She is looking after your child for free, and yet you still gripe. You need to find a different living situation. Go to a community counsellor who can help you with budgetting, and help to get out of any debts that you have accumulated. Look for cheaper accommodation, perhaps a house share with another single mom who could share babysitting too. Your mother is irritated that you should be a self sufficient adult, but she is having to raise another family that she did not create. For her to treat you as an adult, you have to be able to support your own family. You have a difficult time ahead of you, but it sounds like you are a hard worker. Diligence and creativity will get you out of this horrid situation.

I just read your additional comments. A woman who has had a triple bypass and has heart problems! Time for you to get your act together. Your mother does not need any more stress, she is very ill. Get that credit counselling, get on a budget and good luck. Others have been where you are, and have made it through. You can too. I'm pulling for you.

Answer 7

This could be the hardest thing to understand for you being you know what you are in and I can't relate but just offer my advice to you - mothers when you don't see it try to do things the way they think you'll benefit from it not always turning out the way they thought it would (meaning: your parents will always tell you don't do this, don't do that, grip and grime about the littlest things that you may do wrong, seem to get on your case about the wrongs you've done instead of awknoledge what good you've done right, etc..) It's part of growing up. My legal guardian was like that and myself and my brothers used to always just think the worst for her, but after getting out there into the real world we really appreciated what she tried to instill in us. When you're a teen you don't understand the things that your parents try to do for you - you pull the wool over your eyes. I think your mom would like to reach out to you - but she may not do it in the manner of what other people would do in the sense of approach. Sometimes a parents frustration comes out when they see their child in the worst of times and they know their child deserves better. As far as assistance - I'm from Hawaii and I'm not sure where you are from, but in every area there is all kinds of help. Food Stamps, Financial Help, Single mothers with children wanting to go to work/futher their education programs, college programs for single mothers, etc.. Surf the internet...you will be able to find all kinds of things. There is hope. Because your daughters father doesn't pay child support - he'll eventually have to owe it all later down the line.

Answer 8

I wish I could help in some way. Sounds like you are doing everything you can and you have to give yourself credit for that. Your daughter is in good hands, and while your mom complains try to think of it as keeping you on your toes. If she didn't you might not work so hard. Go ahead and finish the pity party for today. But come tomorrow, you better give it a rest. Hugs from Minnesota!

Answer 9

fisrt i'd like to commend you on your efforts to make things right and good for your daughter. our childeren are the greatest gift, and i suppose your mom felt the same way about you when you were born. i can understand how things can and will get out of sorts at times to a point when crying sounds like the only option and outlet. our parents, at least for me are my brick wall they are everything to me and i find that i can never speak ill about them no matter how crazy they make me at times (especially my mom). in my years i have discovered by having my own childeren that everything she has said and done was to HELP me in the coming years. sort of prepping me for my own experieinces with my kids, you know?
my mother has also had a heart attack, deals with diabetes and the list goes on. i cannot imagine her not here with us, i bet you can't either with your mom. she helps you in ways that others do not. either because they can't or they just don't wan't to. she does it because she loves you and perhaps what you think is dislike towards the things you do, maybe it's frustration because she knows she won't be there to help you the way she does now and she worries who will watch your daughter then? what will become of you two then?
you have every right to vent about your situation. but i hope you will continue to be patient and love your mom unconditionally. your daughter has been very lucky to have had her as long as she has. these are times she will always have and carry with her as will you.
i heard once, "in order to understand somone we must know where they have come from". in other words ask yourself, what has my mother been through back when she was a child into her adult years? what has molded her into the person she is today? it's then that we can maybe comprehend their actions and temperments and in turn learn to respond appropraitely and UNDERSTAND.
i wish you luck and health to you and your daughter and mom.
be well and content. PEACE

Answer 10

As far as getting child support from him...every state has a program that is free. So it does not matter how much money you make. You go down, fill out the paperwork and they do the rest.

Answer 11

Its complicated to be type once you sense indignant, injury or green with envy. of direction you may decide to have her approval, yet are you and your boyfriend keen to proceed the dating without it? in that case, this is incredibly helpful to chop back the time you spend in her presence. Her words are no longer basically stupid and intense, they're disrespectful to you and your loved ones. it is not going that something you assert or do will substitute her physique of ideas. to your guy or woman inner peace, attempt to forgive her and once you're round her, submit to in ideas you won't have the capacity to repair stupid, so be friendly, do no longer react and expand grace. this type, you are able to comprehend your self, regardless of the way others cope with you.