Can you tell me how dangerous my husband is?

Question

I have already posted this question in another format, but didn't really get the response I wanted. I think I just need to reword the question. My husband has borderline personality disorder and reactive attachment disorder. He doesn't understand cause and effect, nor has any empathy for the pain or suffering he causes others. He is impulsive, what he thinks he has to do....So, I pose the question again, with these traits, how dangerous is he to my family. Will he wake up one night mad at me for some invented reason, and just decide to do the world a favor by killing us all while we sleep? Could he take a baseball bat and do it, or shoot us and kill us as we sleep? I wish I didn't have to ask this, but he scares me sometimes, and he scares others with his psychotic thinking and behaviors and that he doesn't even acknowledge them.

Answer 1

Your question is not crazy in light of your husband's diagnosis. Of course if you feel you or your family is in danger, you must take action to protect yourselves from him. There are several resources where you can talk to others in your same situation and also get professional advice in separating or leaving someone with bpd. Check the links below and I wish you well with this.

Answer 2

hello ma'am,
the way u have explained the problems , it seems like a very scary situation , and lets discuss it now a bit , for someone to b a criminal and commit such crimes , borderline personality and reactive attachment is not a requisite , any sane man can go mad one day and kill anyone , its out of rage or anger that one commits crime .
how did u get married to this guy , how did u fall in love , how he felt for u then , is important . if u really think he can go that far to hurt u , its quite possible , all u can do is sit with him and talk to him and show him how much he loves u , how much u love him , show him any pictures that u have have together , i hope he never does anything wrong to anybody , but then with human beings u cant tell .
no husband wud want his wife to be scared of him , love him a lot , and do tell him that his disorders are not good for the family in the longer run ,
if he is that big a threat , try talking to ur relatives about it , so that just in case something goes wrong , they can come for ur help , try telling it to the cops , cos they will b there the moment , he hurts u ,
deep inside he might not be a criminal , all u can do is help him get back to normal , i cant imagine how bad it would be for u and i hate to say it that u had to ask such an important question on yahoo answers , where people answer to get points ,
i have never seen someone with such disorders , but if ever im confronted with such a person , ill try and help , if he hurts me ill tell him that its not right , if he misbehaves , ill tel him tht he hurts us this way ,
condemn him on his face and he might want to hurt u out of anger , love him , just give him so much love that he is forced to change the way he thinks ,
i know its very difficult , and who wud know it better than u ,
but then again , one option is leaving him , and there are chances that he wil ruin somebody else's life then , it was destined for u to marry such a guy , and when fate has done this to you , try and make things good , try and help a guy

Answer 3

I would normallly say to stick by your husbands side and help him to get the treatment he needs becasue there is help for people that have psychotic behaviors. But the fact that you say that he has no empathy is very scary. If I had kids and I were you , I would move far away. You alone are the best judge. Has he ever done anything to hurt you or your family? If you feel that you are in any danger go to a shelter and they will help you to start over fresh. ....If he doesn't acknowlege his behaviors an ddoesn't understand cause an deffect, I don't understand why you woul dmaryy the guy but I am scared for you...... If you feel you are in danger, bring yourself to safety...You hear too many stories out there.

Answer 4

I am not a rude person and i apologize for what i am about to say but seriously. How freaking stupid are you?? you already have the fear and possibly a past experience to even post this question. GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!! There must be so reason for you to post this question 2 times now! It don't matter what people say you have to make the choice to leave him just like you made the choice to marry him. He is controlling and it won't be hard for you to leave!! The way I see it is you leave on your own and try to make a new family and new start so you can live and sleep in peace and happiness. OR you can let him get him to make you leave which then you would be hidden in the walls of you kids room or under the floor of his wife or 6 feet under in the backyard with you old pet that died the prior year??? I THINK THAT CHOICE IS VERY CLEAR!!!!!!! Baby take care of yourself. Learn to make your own choices and TRUST me you will be soooo happy with the choice you made, because he will NEVER EVER EVER change so you need to be the one to change and leave!!

Answer 5

Obviously, you want someone to tell you to run away quickly and take the kids, because your husband might kill you.

Ok, I'll oblige you.

Run, he might kill you.

Of course, it is also the case that neither borderline personality disorder nor reactive attachment disorder (which it is highly unlikely the man actually has) develops overnight. It was there when you were dating, and it's still there now. In addition, there is no reason to believe that he will suddenly become violent if he has not been violent in the past.

Clearly, you're looking for an excuse to leave.

Get yourself and your kids into therapy before this mess disintegrates any further.

Answer 6

The fact that most of your question was about your husband, rather than about your options makes me infer you have some expectation or hope of helping him change. If true, THAT is a problem. It's a definition of co-dependant. He is who he is; as an adult he'll never change--regardless of what he says-- unless he does that work for himself. Whatever you do, assume he won't change, becasue he probably won't. On the other hand, YOU do have the ability to make a change in your life-- and do what's best for you and your children. Which, in the long, has to be the only, bestest, option. You proably already know, in your heart of hearts, that being the adult in your family and your life means you must leave. The choice to be that person is yours alone. Please get information from a woman's shelter how to do that safely. The point isn't to convince him of agreeing to it. But to do it.

Answer 7

No one else would know what is in his head and capabilities other than a professional...not even you. If you worry about these things then you must start by seeing your own professional and rely on their advise. If he has already done something that created this concern then you must leave first with the children followed by your own professional visit. If he is willing he can attend with you at that point...in the mean time it's time to see the local therapist who deals not only in marriage counceling but personality disorders as well.

Answer 8

people with less of a disorder have lost it and done unthinkable things. everyone is always in danger, sometimes we don't know it and sometimes we do. I've been stalked and had a shotgun held to my head by a ex-boyfriend. He was pretty normal till he would snap/change. So my point being, you hear it on the news everyday, about someone kidnapped or killed by strangers or by someone close to them. There is no guarantee in life, just try not to live in fear, or get out. It is ultimately your choice. Good luck in whatever you decide

Answer 9

I think you know the answer as hard as it is to admit and how sad and scary it is. Is he receiving treatment? If he is refusing then you and your children need to leave ASAP. Your children did not chose to have such a life and deserve to be protected and made to feel safe. You are the only person who can do this for them. You also deserve a better life then this. Do not bother arguing with him about receiving treatment. If he refuses and you insist he will become hostile. You cannot help someone who dose not want help. But please help yourself and your children.

Answer 10

As a healthcare provider I would need to ask alot of other questions to give you a good response. If he has been diagnosed then I assume he has a mental health provider......this person is who you need to ask this question of. That person knows your husbands history and what meds he's on etc... You are obviously fearful.....why have you not questioned his provider? If you are concerned for the safety of yourself and your family, then you need answers.....quickly. Don't ask us.........ask the doctor who is caring for your husband.