My fiance and I live together. Sometimes I feel like we are being judged for doing that. What the hell is everyones problem? I've even had people have to nerve to tell me that we shouldn't register for our wedding because we live together and "already have everything we need"...we don't have crap....we're graduate students! Is this a god thing?
2007-08-26 08:43:00 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
no commitment??...we're engaged!!!!!
2007-08-26 08:52:54 · update #1
my family loves my fiance...they have no problem with us living together...it's the randoms that say things
2007-08-26 08:53:49 · update #2
belzianbebe...that sounds like superstition to me...
2007-08-26 09:01:03 · update #3
I think it is perfectly fine for you to live together with your fiance. I've been married for a quite few years but we lived together prior to getting married. No, we didn't have everything that we need. We still don't have everything that we need. I heard some people said that we might get too comfortable living together without getting married, which was true. We kept on postponing the wedding ceremony but we finally did it. Other that that, everything was and is still fine. We got to know each other a lot better by living together and from then we decided that we can move on and get married.
2007-08-26 12:52:42 · answer #1 · answered by Caitlyn 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Honestly, I have had the same problem. My fiance and I have lived together for 3 years, we are getting married in 40 days.
The main reason I hear is that it is not right in the eyes of the church. We are going to get married in a Catholic church (both our families are Catholic) and we did not tell them we live together because they told us from the beginning that they frowned upon that.
I really believe that people should live together before they are married. That way there won't be any surprises when you move in and find out your future husband or wife is a slob or overly neat.
It is a very sad thing that people feel they can judge you for your actions when no one is perfect. And to those who tell you not to register...they should be lucky you are still inviting them to the wedding.
Good luck and much happiness!
2007-08-26 16:01:20 · answer #2 · answered by HippieChick840 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I don't care whether people live together or not before marriage, whatever works, is my attitude.
People do feel hosed when a couple who lives together *who have a houseful of everything they need* registers for yet more, or send out hints that they would like money, or set up one of those abysmal honeymoon registries. If you don't have much, this doesn't apply to you, then. People who know you well enough to know you have a 15 year old toaster you got at a garage sale, will be happy to get you a brand new one. I would.
Not the same thing as being snooty about your living arrangements.
2007-08-26 15:52:20 · answer #3 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Don't worry about what others think of you two living together. I know many people that do that now days- I'm one myself who gets judged. We did things the opposite way around- not on purpose, but I became pregnant by accident (while on birth control pills), and so we moved in together, and now our son is almost 2 and we are now engaged and going to get married next year. Things happen, and I've had an aunt really make me mad by saying basically it isn't "right" when I was pregnant because I wasn't married. So she said my son wasn't "right!" That aggrivates me a lot- our son has 2 very loving parents- and who love each other too... that's much better than 1 parent... but anyways, people will say whatever because it isn't "right" in their mind. And yea, religious people will say it isn't "right" because you should be married before you have sex- well, things don't always go as planned! And yes, I am religious myself, but I feel there is a reason I had my son, and I feel he is one of the biggest blessings I've had in my life!
This is your life, live it to it's fullest... I feel there is nothing wrong with you living together with the love of your life. Why would you even want to be apart??? That's how I feel. Register wherever you wish, and disregard people telling you otherwise! I'm a Mom now- I do this a lot because I'm not doing things "right" in other ppl's eyes. You shouldn't have to justify what you are doing to other people. They need to accept it and get over it. I don't think it's "Godly like" to judge one another. ;)
Be happy- "live, love, laugh" and congrats :) I wish you the best!
2007-08-26 16:20:56 · answer #4 · answered by m930 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I just got married a week ago, and my wife and I have been living together for a few years already. My parents are relatively conservative, but they are not only fine with it, they even helped us get into our first place together. Yes, the church tried telling us it was a bad idea, that we should wait until we're married, but I know that it was right for our relationship to live together when we did and I don't care what anyone else thinks.
Living together allows you to see how you'll spend your days together when it's all day, every day. And if the parents are on board, what do you have to worry about? I say just ignore the people who tell you otherwise because they probably don't know what they're talking about.
2007-08-26 16:34:31 · answer #5 · answered by Doug S 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I am sorry that people are saying that to you. This week, I will be celebrating my 5th year anniversary. And before we got married, we lived together for 1 1/2 years. I even grew up religious :). Who are people, to judge? Dont worry about what other people think - everyone has an opinion on everything. All that matters is you and your fiance. Register and plan your wedding, guilt free.
Congratulations on your engagement. Much aloha and many blessings.
2007-08-26 15:53:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
my fiance moved into my house.. with me and my parents.. with my fathers suggestion (weird huh) after only 6 months of us dating.. he was only going to stay a month or two (problems with his roommate) but ended up not leaving because my parents loved having him around.. i loved him being around.. and he loves my family (he doesnt have a great family life of his own)
now at a year and 3 months of being together we get engaged.. and at a year and 7 months of being together we get a house together.. mind you.. we are only now 22 and 23..
i think living together was the best thing we have ever done for us.. it gave us a chance to see if our little quirky things and habits could withstand us being together every day.. and it worked out perfectly.. our bills are all together.. so we arent really worried about that whole "everything changes when you get married".. i dont see how anything can other than our names now..
point being.. i think living together first is a wonderful idea.. what if you get married.. move in together.. and completely clash with eachother.. you never know until you try it..
2007-08-27 10:49:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that it is a great idea - I lived with a man years ago and when we moved in together I thought he would be the man I married. Boy was I wrong! If we hadn't lived together I probably would have married him and now be divorced. I also lived with my husband when we were dating and that worked so well, I knew I could spend my life with him.
But to answer your question, I do think most people are against for religious reasons. Which is fine if they don't want to live with someone before they get married, however I do not thing it is right for them to judge those who do live together before getting married.
And definitely you should register for your wedding! That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Of course you are going to need stuff, but you are also going to want stuff!
2007-08-26 16:11:32 · answer #8 · answered by wildlifer 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
It's a good idea to live with your fiance. It gives you and your fiance a chance to see if it will work out on a "full-time" basis.
My boyfriend and I live together and we're still going to get married and everything. Trust me, you do learn a lot of things about a person when you start living with them. Not all good, but not all bad.
And tell the people who have something bad to say to step off.
2007-08-26 16:10:49 · answer #9 · answered by Moon Crystal 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I live with my fiance as well, i moved in with him about 2 weeks after we started dating and i would have it no other way. We did go through a few trials, because of it, but it just made us stronger and We now know we are meant to be together. So I feel hat living together beofre ,marriage is a good thing, becayuse what if you find you cant live with thsi man after you get married!! I mean people are different at home than they are in public! So I say Good for you hun! And Congrats!
2007-08-26 20:35:36 · answer #10 · answered by single mom of 2 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋