How to handle people who think you should invite more than you can to your wedding.?

Question

I am getting married about two years from now. I have briefly discussed wedding ideas with my mother. I have expressed that we only want to invite parents, grandparents and siblings to the ceremony AND reception. She has told me that I need to consider that some family will want to share this day with me. My fiance says that people should only be invited because we want them there, not the other way around, it's OUR day. I also know someone who might bring their own siblings if they are invited, I do not want this. We have a VERY small budget, like 1500 as it stands now and I want to keep the guest as minimal as possible to avoid added stress and choas on my special day. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Just tell them what you told us. It's YOUR day, you only want certain people and that's the end of it. Do not let anyone else ruin your day for you. Threaten to elope!! Maybe that will help. But talk with your fiance beforehand....let him know that's what you are going to say so he can back you up.

Answer 2

I am all for not spending a ton on a wedding! I just have one thought on this situation, though. What kind of reception is it going to be with only grandparents, parents and siblings? Without divorces, that's only 12 people plus siblings. That's not much of a rececption. Would it be possible to have a party instead of a reception? At someone's house or a restaurant? I have a friend who is very non-traditional. She was so turned off by the thought of an actual ceremony. She just got married at the JP and I was the only witness. But she was very happy to have a wedding party afterwards (like days later). This way the bride and groom have time to be together and then they can celebrate with everyone in a setting that is more their style.

For instance: If you are the backyard-BBQ type, then borrow the biggest, nicest backyard that is available to you, and borrow all the tables and chairs you can get your hands on. Hit up Good Will or a thrift store for cheap, solid colored sheets to use a tablecloths. String up lights in trees. Hit up Costo or Sam's in the weeks prior for sales on meat and put it in the freezer. If you start planning and collecting items for something like this now, you could end up with an event much larger and nicer than you thought possible.
Time is on your side. Two years is a long time to prepare if you have a vision.

Answer 3

I truly understand. We worked on a budget the same as yours. So we had a no food reception. It was in the middle of the afternoon, so there was no need for food. We had cake, coffee and punch. We had a small wedding with just immediate family, ate lunch together and then later that afternoon had people show up at a location for the reception. It was still very small but it was nice having some friends and extended family at the reception. It also gave us time to spend with them instead of wasting time eating.

You should only invite whom you want, but remember weddings are the joining of two families, not just you and him. Consider what we did and have a few more show up at the reception than what was at your wedding.

Answer 4

Thank your mother for her input, and then tell her you and your guy have discussed the matter and prefer to keep things very small.

There is nothing at all impolite in holding an extremely intimate wedding. And most people do understand when you say you limited the guest list to immediate family.

Your mother will likely continue to bring this up for the next two years, so be prepared to simply repeat yourself: we prefer to keep the wedding extremely small. Lather, rinse, repeat. Don't come up with excuses (no budget, but it's OUR day, my fiance wants, more guests will be stressful, guests might bring more guests) or she'll try to reason you out of your decision. Be a broken record, but one with a smile on your face.

As you say, it's up to you and your guy, so you should do it the way that works for both of you.

You can send wedding annoucements to other relatives and friends after the wedding, and that's perfectly polite, too.

Answer 5

You are lucky, you have two things on your side- your fiance is thinking along the same lines as you are and second- you have lots of time.

Time comes in handy because you can save lots of money by doing things in advance and shopping around.

I think the trick to keeping your wedding in budget and small number of people is writing concise wedding invitations. Make the invitations for each individual instead of for the family. That way people are very clear who is invited and who is not. Or if it is family you are inviting address it only to the parents if that is who you want. Also I recommend sending response cards for the RSVP. Now instead of having them fill in the number of guest prewrite it for them. So the only option is to for that set number of people to come or none. If only one part of the couple can come they will say so but this way it is clear that there cannot be more than that many guests.

I hope that helps, best of luck

Answer 6

Hi Amber and congratulations! You are to be commended! I am always trying to suggest this to brides - keeping things small, that is.

Stick to your guns is all I can say. With your small budget you will have to. Once you start inviting more people, things will escalate. When you have more people, there is more money involved all the way around - food, centerpieces, etc. The list goes on and on. The only way to keep things in budget is to keep it small. Invite ONLY those that you are close to. You can send out announcements AFTER the wedding, if you want, to let other family know that you are now married. Good luck!

Answer 7

Stick to your guns. You know exactly what your budget is and how you want your day to go and your parents need to accept that. Just like you said, this is your day and unlike in olden times, most couples are paying for the bulk of their special day themselves. Inviting so many extra people is a cost you are not wiling to incur and it also sounds like you are just wanting a very intimate gathering.

If your parents still insist on you sharing this with so many others, tell them they are free to throw you a party at a later date and invite whomever they please and that you will show up with bells on!

As for whomever may bring uninvited guests, you have 2 years in order to make it absolutely clear to them that only those whose name appear on the invitation are invited and will be expected to attend. The best approach is to be honest and direct. Tell them outright that your budget will not allow for anyone but those whose names were on the invitation. Otherwise, perhaps you could issue very nice, hand made (scrapbook like) tickets with each guests name on them which are required for admission :-) Or inform them that it is imperative that they RSVP because there will be a guest list and the attendant will be instructed not to allow anyone in who has not responded in the affirmative by the date in the invitation. This may seem overboard, but perhaps this person will get the idea?

Congratulations and best of luck to you!

Answer 8

It is YOUR day so you should be able to do what YOU want. Plus, they are not the one paying for it. People usually don't go alone to a wedding. So, they bring somebody else with them. That will add to the cost.

But from your mother's point of view, those people will be talking behind her back. Of how she didn't teach you enough manner to invite those other relatives. Also, she is happy that you are getting married and she probably wants to announce it to the relatives and close friends.

You can invite those people to hors d' oeuvres only reception. Have some finger food (you can make them yourself and maybe your mother and siblings can help you out), drink, and serve the wedding cake.

Answer 9

You're parents do have a point, and this day is as important to them as it is to you. (I'm getting really annoyed with this "ITS YOUR DAY DO WHAT YOU WANT" self-centered indulgence.) If your parents have been good parents and you are close to them, then it truly is as much their day as it is yours. You are their daughter, they are happy for you and proud of you and want to share this day with their friends and family as well. It's natural.

Certainly your wishes and preferences are the priority - but that does not give you permission to be closed to their wishes. You and your fiance need to make sure you're on the same page when it comes to the importance of family. This will play out in the future when it comes to holidays, etc.

However, I wouldn't recommend suggesting they pay for the extra guests. I'm sure there are people that would take preference in your opinion to the people they would help pay for. That would create an issue if your parents pay to have Great-Aunt Gertie there, but you close friends aren't coming.

Instead, suggest that they host a separate party in your honor and invite all those that would be interested in coming but doesn't fit your budget. Explain that you aren't even inviting your own friends, just immediate family.

Or you can open the ceremony up to a larger guest list, have a finger-food and cake reception immediatly following for everyone - right there at the ceremony site. And then follow with your planned reception. And your parents can pay for the additional cost with having the small reception. (I went to a very upscale wedding in TX where they did exactly this and it was very very nice).

Try to work with your parents without blowing your budget.

Answer 10

Tell your mom that you would love to be able to have more guest's if money wasen't a problem but since that is a problem and you want it kept simple that is the way it is going to be. Let her know that the wedding will be kept simple and maybe when you are on your feet you can have a house warming party and invite those who were not able to come to the wedding. Good luck with the wedding.

Answer 11

It's your wedding day. Invite who you want.
As you've mentioned, you have a small budget. One way that might get them off your back is to say, "I've only got $1,500 to do this. If you're going to pony up the dough, maybe I'll have the money to invite them."
If people feel like getting upset because you don't want them to bring extra people and they go and have a hissy fit, let them be two year olds and have the hissy fit, but put your foot down.
Bottom line is that it is your day, not theirs.