is my friend an alcoholic?

Question

my m8 drink 1 bottle of red wine a day. starting around 4pm. sometimes she has 1 and half bottles and the odd day she starts just after lunch. she has gone days without a bottle but lately she seems to depend on it to get rid of the crap in her life. she is a good person and a great mother but refuses to answer her door once she is drinking, incase someone see's her in a drunken state. does she just love drinknig or does she have a problem? if so how can i advise her x

Answer 1

I would say that she has a problem. And if she is anything like me or my Mum it will only be the one bottle she is telling you about. There will be more. Unfortunately the only person who can change that with help is your friend. However it takes courage to take the first step in asking for that help.

Alcohol advisory service in your area might be a first step. They are non judgemental and matter of fact about it all and they do not ""lecture"" but speak to you as a person with feelings, and alot of their work is councelling - not lecturing you, but trying to find out about the causes of the drinking. With time it might help her to go down this route.

Alternatively, if she prefers group discussions she could go to AA, numbers in the phone book.

I have been dry nearly 2 years without the help of drugs, just this one to one, and sheer hard work. I was lucky in that I did not get the withdrawal symptoms.

My mum is still at it which is a shame as she is the one who critisized me, but never sees the fault in herself. She is in total denial! I knew for a long time that I had a problem but plucking up the courage was the hard part.

Stick with your friend through it all. She will have good days and bad days. Help her with her chores and her kids if necessary and if she will let you. Be there to listen to her. She may need medication for a while, but probably not. That is usually done when all other avenues have failed.

Having said all that, do not put up with abuse from her. In that case you would have to put yourself in a position of a mother with a toddler who refuses to come somewhere. Threaten to walk away and if she still abuses you, do so, but be ""within earshot" in case she decides to change her tune! Or in case she is in real danger, or her kids are.

Good luck to both of you.

Answer 2

There definitely could be a problem here. For most in her same situation, I would tell you that her behavior looks like she's self-medicating herself.

As for being an alcoholic, only your friend herself can determine that. At least on the positive side she stays home, and doesn't want anyone to see her drunk. But her consumption level is risky, just for health reasons if nothing more.

I would tell you that the best thing for you to do is not make a huge deal of it, but tell her you'd like to talk to her. Make sure it's sometime before she starts drinking, when you talk to her. But just sit down, tell her how you're feeling/what you're noticing, and let her know you're there if she needs help with getting help or anything else. Make sure when you talk to her you don't compare her to others, call her names (ie alcoholic, lazy, lonely), and above all else, don't act as though you've already decided she an addict.

Hopefully everything works out for you and your friend, and I hope this help!!

Answer 3

There isn't a strict 'code' for this, but your friend has certain behaviours that are sort of on the way to serious alcoholism: the combination of 'drinking to forget' and the 'drinking alone'. It's getting worse if she's denying the problematic drinking (or the drinking at all).
If I were you I'd try to confront her with your worries about her health. You can't make her stop drinking (that's addiction to you...), but maybe she needs some help starting doing something about it. It's up to her...

Answer 4

The red flags here are her dependancy on the wine to escape and her need to hide her habit and resulting condition. The consistency and quantity of her consumption are also signs but not entirely as concerning as the former. If children are involved and she drinks to intoxication, this alone is enough reason for concern and intervention. Just proceed cautiously as to preserve your friendship and to avoid her running away before help can be provided.

Answer 5

She does definitely have a problem - not answering the door once she has been drinking tells me that when she is drinking that is the only thing that matters - that's not good - Our children model our behaviors so if her children are seeing this it is very possible that they will end up doing the same thing - you might want to mention this to her - You said she is a good Mom so this should hit home - good luck

Answer 6

I think anyone who drinks that much even if they go days without anything is an alcoholic. If she is becoming dependent on it lately that is even worse. You say that she is a mother. Does she have children at home with her? If she does it could affect them too. That might be something to bring up to convince her to stop. Hope you can help her out.

Answer 7

Alcoholic - someone who feels a need to drink, and will beg, borrow or steal to obtain it, and prefers often to drink antisocially, by oneself for example. I think she is.

An alcoholic must admit the problem and accept this saying. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. There is no such thing as a cured alcoholic, only a reformed one who has not had drink.

Answer 8

The best advice that I received (and stuck to) was never drink alone. This was especially useful when I had a bit of a booze problem in my mid/late 20s.

No matter how crap life is alcolhol isn't the answer. indeed, it can make the situation worse.

Answer 9

i do think she has a problem with drinking, allot of people drink to block or numb the pain in their life, i have personal experiences of this an believe me it does not get you any where the problems still there in the morning.
have you confronted her out right buy saying do you think you have a drinking problem if she flips then she has one.
get her to speak to her GP or a councillor and they will be be able to tell her/you more.

Answer 10

If she is drinking to avoid "crap in her life" then most likely she is an alcoholic. Voice your concerns to her, but realize that she won't change until she chooses to.