How can I build a support system. My mom just died and many problems going on and a life of woe. I am a bit?

Question

of a loner and have no friends..My family is dysfunctional and all 5 siblings have been mean to me in these past 3 weeks since she died but all have also been nice. The only ones I feel care about me are my best friend brother, but I am worried he may change his view on me as a brother who vowed revenge (but now says he should not have said it) went berserk on me twice making statements to hurt me, terrifying me by screaming, making threats (not physical but things that could hurt me otherwise), and breaking things is now living with my good brother forever due to a marital separation and getting my mom to put it in the will he can live there all his life too as he is the executor. Although I like that brother, Nathan,I want to reduce time with him due to fear, his attitude, mistrust, etc as much as possible. If I lose him, I lose my sister in law and my nephew who I also care about as I feel my brother is a very good exaggerator and gives an untrue picture of situation. If he

If he convinces my brother from living with him all the time and doing him favors and such, I may lose my only real friend and confidant, Bill. This good brother did pick up my mom's critical mantra and so I know he may be somewhat at least vulnerable to swaying his opinion. I do like nathan but feel it is ion my best interest due to things I found out recently to reduce my time with him but since he is now living with my best freiend, brother Bill. this may be difficult.. I have come to not trust him and wish to reduce time with him so as to avoid problems.So if this brother nathan who vowed revenge acts on it, I may wiond up losing my whole family in addition to my mom..both brothers, the sister in law and naphew. My other siblings could care less essentially. I do have two grown sons, one is kind of a support, but yells at me a lot and they are both too busy or claim that and so I rarely see them.

I do have a counselor but it is just a few hours a month and not enough time to

talk. I am considering going to a grief support group at a church but can't freely express my feelings as do not want to reveal my intense and mixed feelings about my mom nor how dysfunctional my family is due to feeling I must act a certain way to the death and such..a guess fear of being myself and stuff since it is a church group.

I tried going online to a community I was involved in for several months but several turned on me due to trolls and such and it is making me worst and I feel I must leave it. So I am left with little support except me. How might I go about finding some friends or a support group. Many I do not have good social skills nor do I know how to use them. I think though hundreds say I am nice and kind and interesting, I talk to much. Maybe I am too intense. Not sure, but would appreciate any advice or help. Thanks. I am in my 50's.

you are all so kind and I appreciated and listened to what each of you had to say to me. It is true some people online have been kind to me..some going above the call of duty and one calling me long distance without free long distance and spending 12 hours over a week letting me talk and also allowing me a diversion in talking about some other stuff..these people were most kind as all of you have also been. I lately have been feeling God is using this as a catalyst to spur me onto positive changes in my life like thinking more positively, trusting God more and being more grateful for the good, trying to stop sabotaging myself, reversing negative tapes and doing things I know would make me happier and improve my life that I always felt I could not do. I want to try and also helping me to try to stop obsessing over old hurts and giving my siblings a fresh start and yet not allowing them so much power to hurt me. I feel hope of things getting better and also Nathan recently told m

he loved and appreciated me in a voice mail message. I had told him how much I appreciated having him and I on the same page in fighting passionately for my mom as we grow very close despite him going off on me recently. I don't think he ever told me he loved me so I was quite touched and my sister who I was not close too for years helped me today with a problem and also said she loved me..again not something I hear so I am happy and I also had a big talk with Bill and explained my fears and he assured me he loved me and told me I was a very special person and how he, also, struggled with my mom and feeling unloved for many years and that my brother wasn't all that caring of him, so I feel confident that Bill will not desert me. He was worried about me yesterday when I had a setback. I also had a talk with Nathan about why I didn't trust him and he help straighten it out some. Althogh I am going to be cautious with him, it may work out OK. My counselor is looking up some community

resources that may help me with these things I am going to. God has also been helping me deal with all this. I thank eah of you for all your kindness, prayers. and advise and for being wonderful people. May you each be richly blessed and may your own lives fill you with happiness and the good character you sdeserve for doing unto others which is one of the best things we can do..when we do to others, we also help ourselves feel good so it is a win win situation. God bless and I appreciate your continued prayers on my behalf. It is most difficult to chose a best..all the answers were good in their own way. I am sorry to those of you who have also suffered a death of a loved one

Answer 1

It's quite normal to feel depressed due to the recent loss of your beloved mom. It might be easier said than done. But hopefully, in time, you'll get over your loss. You'll learn to let go esp if she was in pain. The grieving process takes time.

Your two sons also need you. And being middle- aged at 50 doesn't help with your depression. This age group is quite susceptible to depression. this is called the "empty-nest syndrome". That is, when your kids are grown-up and they don't need you as much as when they were small.


You shouldn't be ashamed to divulge and realized that your family is dysfunctional. Every family is that way, one way or the others. Even the celebrities with all their riches are among us- normal folks.

From what I gather, you like Bill. And you want to stay away from Nathan who's a volatile person. That would be the right move. If he, Bill is easily swayed by Nathan, then he has no conviction as a man. Try discussing your fears and apprehensions with Bill.

Just because you don't like Nathan, he's a necessary evil to bear with in order to keep your relationship with your sis-in-law and nephew .


Also, make a list of issues that you would like to discuss with your counsellor so the next visit would be fruitful.

Good Luck! Chin -up.! My deepest condolences and sympathy to you.! It's not as bad as you think. You have to go on living.

I took care of my mom until she died. It was very hard. But the cancer metastasized to her brain. She wasn't the same person anymore. She was in constant pain.


Have you reached out to a support group in church? Maybe your counsellor can refer you to a support group; where you can ventilate your feelings.

Answer 2

Well it sounds like you need support outside of a family that has dysfunctional issues. One thing you can do is to try to find a grief support group. Psychologists or crisis help lines should be able to point you in the right direction.

Also try to foster friendships at work, school, and or social activities. This means extending yourself more than you have been in the past.

Try inviting people over to a potluck. Listen to other peoples problems. If they think you care about them they will start to care about you.

I'm sure already people you have met online that care. Yes, there are always trolls but there are also a lot of good people. If you need a friend feel free to write me whenever as I care for all sentient beings.

Take Care : )

Answer 3

Spend a month or two alone, and consider your situation, you are all dealing with a major loss and probably all reacting emotionally.

Get centered and let your siblings do the same.

You don't loose family unless you choose to.

Deal with issues when you and the siblings have time to process both grief and responsibility.

Answer 4

It is a going to take a very long time for your entire family to go through the entire process. There are so many steps including anger and denial. Just give it some time before you try to get things back to "normal".

Good luck and take care of you!

Dee

Answer 5

Try to find a local support group that is not church related. Look in your local paper and ask your psychologist to recommend a support group. I lost my mom in a car accident and you may be depressed in addition to dealing with your family problems. If this psychologist isn't helping you, look for another one. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

when i loss my husband suddenly i found a grief support group for my son and i.and an online support group really did help,i made a lasting friendship with one member who i've never met in person.
it took me a long time to get back into working,learning to be a mother and father to my son,etc but with GOD's help I have survived.my family is also a mess and I couldn't depend on them too much for support,reach out to others,people aren't sure how to act sometimes they need a nudge.good luck!K is right about putting your feelings down on paper,really helps.

Answer 7

If you ever just want to talk about your problems with someone in private, the people here care about what you have to say...


VOICES In Action, Inc.

1-773-327-1500

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

National Crisis Line

1-800-334-4357

Crisis Help Line

Answer 8

It sounds like you need a friend and friends take time to cultivate.
So, go to Church. Hopefully one with a Grief Recovery workshop.


I'll pray for you.