Trust your kids?

Question

My 3 kids are 17, 15 & 12 and love to take pictures, make home movies and put them on CDs. They've been doing it for years & I have stacks of CDs filled w/ tricks, dances, comedy skits etc. 3ms ago my husband bought them a laptop w/ a built in webcam & today when we had friends over, they were using it. My 15yr son was doing tricks off the diving board & my girls were sitting on chairs w/ the computer, taking pics/ recording it onto the laptop w/ the webcam. One of my friends asked me what they were doing & I told her. She went, "You let them have A WEBCAM! Do you KNOW what they can do w/ it?!" I said yes I'm aware of what they CAN do w/ it but I very well know what they ARE doing w/ it. Her answer was "Well you can't trust them 100%."
My kids know my rules & what happens if they're broken. I check in sometimes, but I trust my kids and in my parenting job.
As a parent do you trust your kids? If you were in my situation with your own kids, would you allow it?

they don't go online. When I check, i check to see if any of their files have been moved. They go from the personal computer to the CD burner.

they meaning the videos

Answer 1

Honestly, after reading some of these answers, I'm horrified. Yes, I trust my sons. I know they are open to temptation, and to the normal pressures of growing up into men. So, I have rules, I follow up on them,and I enforce them. They're boys, not saints. But if they are given no trust, and no opportunities to make their own decisions, how can they grow and become responsible adults? Kids don't need a webcam to get into trouble, they were equipped at birth with all they need for that. Kids need supervision, but, like you, I trust my own parenting skills.

It's been my observation that the people who blame outside influences for their kids' behavior problems are also the people who personally supervise their kids the least. I grew up without computers or webcams, and I got into plenty of trouble because my parents let me, by their lack of knowledge of my activities.

Answer 2

I agree very much with Jana's and Bartmooby answers. Kid's need to be trusted, given a chance to prove themselves but to a certain point. My 17yrs daughter's computer has a built in webcam. She used it once to video tape herself and my two other children so we could send it to their father for his birthday when he was over seas. Other than that she has no interest in using it. I do check it though every once in a blue moon. It has a set where you can see when it was turned on and how long it was used. I trust her enough not to have to take the computer away or check it every day, but as a parent, I still want to make sure my daughter is safe.
It seems as though you know what youre kids are doing and when they are using this webcam. I think it's great that they enjoy making theses CDs and they'll be a blast to watch years from now.
Best wishes

Answer 3

Until someone breaks the trust, your children need and deserve your faith in them. I'm sure your friend meant well and maybe she was speaking from her personal experience with her children.
Of course there are so many dangers and pitfalls and temptations out there, and not just with web cams and computers. But I think the key here is accountability, which means that your children know that you are checking in on their activities from time to time. This doesn't mean that you don't trust them. My goodness, if there was no accountability in any of our relationships, we would probably all get ourselves in a boatload of trouble. Afterall we are all just human.
Sounds like to me, you are successfully steering them in the directions of being able to make decisions on their own. You have to do this while they are still at home. If kids are allowed to make choices BEFORE they leave home, they are better prepared when they are on their own.

I think you are on the right track. Just keep your eyes and ears open and be vigilant about checking their online activities. My husband used to listen to every lyric of the music my kids were listening to. Even though he liked the group Sublime, we made our daughter take back the CD because we didn't think it was age appropriate for her. Good parenting takes a lot of time and effort. Good luck with your kids. They sound like they're a lot of fun.

Answer 4

your kids seem like good kids and the webcam is only allowing them to be creative and make these cds which you will always have. I think its great that they want to hang out together like this and you should encourage them and maybe get involved yourself. Relax, and TRUST THEM.. Teach them about responsible behaviour and instill your values in them while encouraging a relationship centred around open and honest communication between yourself and your kids. I know there are bad people in the world, but kids are smart. Give them the credit they deserve. Never ever deceive them or spy on them. It will only drive a wedge between you and may result in them doing the exact thing you told them not to. Think about it. If you found out your parents were spying on you when you were a teenager you would not be impressed. Everyone needs some privacy, even if they have nothing to hide. The fact that you trust them and respect their judgement means more to them than you can imagine. You have raised your kids to be honest and decent people. You have given them their sense of integrity. Trust in your ability as a parent. From your description of your kids, you have done a good job. (",)

Answer 5

Knowing what I got away with as a kid (and for the most part I really was a good kid) and knowing how impressionable kids can be (even very smart ones) I would not ever let them use the computer in an isolated area. If you keep it out in your family room or another space like that I wouldn't worry too much. Also, if you have a friend who is really good with computers see if you can put a spy program on or a keystroke program to stay on top of anything that might happen. Even if they aren't doing anything they think might be wrong, there are some scary, scary people out there.

Answer 6

i was a teen when webcams firs started becomign "the thing" to have and i used mine while online and there were a lot of pervs.. you just gotta say no , ignore them and move on...... If your kidsdont go online with it then its fine.. my mom never questuoned me with mine... and either way.. if you are a great parent or not and kids get curious they are going to do something wether you know or agree if not in your home at a freind or peers house.... but overall i wouldnt worry about it. If you trust them and check their computer often there is nothing to worry about.. if you find soemthing not right.. look into it and question them.. you are the parent.. they know the rules and you have the power to take it away btu it sounds like they are using it for good reasons not bad or naughty things

Answer 7

I think that it is very important to trust your children..at least until they prove you wrong! I know what you are going thought, when another parent judges ( maybe not even purposely) your choices as a parent, it can make you second guess yourself. Listen, there is not one perfect parent out there and if I am wrong on this one, I would love to meet them. Trust your kids, but do not give them enough rope to hang themselves...if that makes any sense. I guess my thoughts would be to personally view everything that they are filming with the web cam and that nothing gets done with it until it gets your approval personally. Yes, there are crazy folks out there, and it is more about them than it is about your children doing wrong. You are allowing them to express themselves creatively and that is definitely a good thing, You are also letting them exercise their judgment in what is appropriate...this is an excellent tool to teach I think they just may need some guidance in that area for now. Kids are going to experiment...PERIOD, but it sounds like you have the type of relationship ( from your post) that communication will prevail. Continue with what you feel is best for your children, continue to check in on what they are doing. Take care!!!!!

Answer 8

well i would say if you check up on them and have no reason to distrust then you are the best judge of your childrens charachter no should tell you how to raise your kids if they follow the rule thats all youve asked id say keep up the good work. though a web cam can be dangerous so is a diving board if used wrong so if they earned it they should keep it till they break a rule

Answer 9

Hmmmmmm
i would NEVER want a web cam... tehy could get haced and you never really know who is on the other end.. their crppey..
my dad trurst me like 100% i know both of the pin numbers to his bank cards XD


and im only 14

Answer 10

IF YOU THINK something is going on talk to them then look at what there doing just to be save,the are bad pple rurming those sites but if there good kids there good kids