Do I have a reason to be angry? Or am I reading too much into this?

Question

Back in May, my husband's co-worker went to visit family in another country. She needed someone to watch her cat for three months and since we have 10 cats, she asked us. We agreed and the day before she left, she brought the cat over. She was due to come back on August 1.

We didn’t hear from her at all. Then, a few weeks ago, one of my husband's co-workers told him that she'd called the workplace. She was back in the States, but in another city. She said she'd lost our number and would be a week late coming back. Two weeks went by. Finally, my husband asked co-workers if they'd heard from her. They said they had. Apparently she "met" someone and jetted off to yet another country for an indefinite time.

I'm finding myself feeling angry, annoyed and rather foolish.

My husband and I are doing her a favor--we're sitting her cat for free, providing our own food and litter and have paid for veterinary care when he developed a serious problem--and I think we at least deserve to know about any changes in terms of when she's coming back. I feel taken advantage of.

I don’t want to be called every day and I don’t presume that I have the right to dictate her personal life just because we’re doing her a favor, but is a call or a postcard saying, “Hey, my travel plans got extended; I should be home by *insert month,* barring any further incidents. If they come up, I’ll let you know. Thanks so much for taking care of Fluffy; you guys are great friends and I appreciate you for doing this” too much to ask? I don’t mind taking care of Fluffy—I love cats and I like being helpful. But I can’t help feeling used.

The gist of my question is: Am I being used or am I reading too much into everything? In your opinion, was it wrong to expect to be updated when travel plans changed? And should I say something when (and if) she comes back? Thanks in advance!

If it's too long to read, then don't bother answering.

Thanks for all the good answers so far! :) Chris M and simmysimsimm are correct--it's not the cat's fault and I will not take his owner's behavior out on him.

Answer 1

You have every reason to be angry. This is just another case of someone taking advantage of someone because you are too nice. As for how to treat the cat, I know you would never take it out on the cat and much of your main concern is for the cat. As far as I am concerned she should not only have contacted you to let you know her change of plans, if she were a responsible owner, she would want to know how her pet is well. Obviously there have been problems as you have had to take the poor creature to the vet. How can she care so little for her cat.
Is there any way you can get a message to her through this 3rd party. Also, if she does come back and want her pet returned she should have to compensate you for the vet bills if nothing else.
I know you find it difficult that you are leaving this poor cat in limbo while this irresponsible person takes advantage of your good heart. It's a difficult situation since you don't want to get really attached just to have her come back and take the cat away from you. You also feel bad that the cat is not receiving the amount of love you feel it deserves. I am sure that this poor cat is still probably getting more love than it is used to at home anyways considering it's owner is behaving the way she is. Hopefully you will get contact from her soon and will know if she is taking the cat back or if you have adopted a new friend. I hope it works out for you.
Much love.

Answer 2

You are not reading too much into anything. She is an irresponsible pet owner and is definitely taking advantage of you. Keep all receipts (especially vet bills) that you have spent after August 1st. She is responsible for her own pets, not you. She should have called you, a post card would not have been acceptable. It shows her lack of concern for "Fluffy". The mere fact that she didn't talk to either you or your husband is awful. Having to ask others at work is not acceptable.
Remember you have a good heart and are doing this with good intentions. Please don't take it out on the cat, which I am sure you won't. When she comes back simply give her the bill and make her pay it. It almost sounds like she isn't going to come back at all. How does she keep her job taking off so much time?
It's sad that the good people always learn things the hard way. God Bless you for caring for animals. Good Luck!! Be sure to be straight up with her when she comes back. Let her know it was an inconvenience and she has to pay for the inconvenience. Don't ever keep her cat again!!!

Answer 3

I do not think such a feeling would be socially inappropriate, if that is what you are asking. I own 4 cats myself, and I would not dream of going on a vacation and then, towards the end of that vacation, taking a trip to another location, either with someone else or myself, for ANY length of time without at least stopping home to visit my cats and make sure that they had been all right and their sitter was taking care of them. And if by some fluke of activity I was given no choice (such as in the event of personal tragedy or some such thing) or it turned out I could only stop by for a short period and then had to leave with the sitter again, I would at least call and let the sitter know beforehand, even if the "sitter" was actually someone in your situation, keeping the pet at their house. She might say that she is too busy, but would a phone call really be all that inconvienent -- especially with the phone activity people experience these days?

If anything I feel sorry for her cat. I hope neither you or your husband are very close to this woman, since she seems so unstable or unreliable. I would hate to have to depend on someone like she seems to be for anything, even to get me a drink. I'd recommend that you refuse to give her back her cat since she does not seem interested in caring for it, but it's likely that she will interpret that as a sign of harassment, so it's better you don't. Just know that if she asks you to do something like this again, before you make a decision factor in that it will likely be for an extended period of time, so you won't be taken advantage of a second time.

Answer 4

Wow! Absolutely I'd be feeling angry, too. First off, she extended her plans, you should be notified immediately - what if you and hubby made plans? You expected her back by X and maybe she needed to find someone else to look after Fluffy.

I used to have a cat. When I had to go away for work, I provided the food, litter-box (those disposable ones) and only asked they kept her inside all the time. I might be gone as much as two to three days. Trust me, they let me know how much of an inconvenience it was to be watching to make sure she didn't go out. Oh the pressure. I called daily to check on her, too.

So, I think you might have to resolve yourself to thinking you have 11 cats now. It doesn't sound like she's interested in the commitment she made to love and care for this cat. She lucked out in finding such a good home for her cat.

Please do not let this tarnish you from being helpful to someone else. She's in the wrong here, not you or your husband. Maybe she's really young and just not realizing the recourse of her actions.

Answer 5

She is being terribly inconsiderate. If she can call her workplace about whatever, she can ask to speak to your husband and let him know that her plans changed and can you all keep the cat a little longer.

You're right to feel angry, annoyed, and foolish. This woman has taken advantage of your good nature and dumped a poor cat on you without regard to how kitty might feel or you might feel caring for another cat. Unless she's willing to pay for boarding him/her, the food, and the vet bills, I would not return the cat to her.

Answer 6

You have every good reason to be angry. She should have picked her cat up on the expected day. Or, she should have ask you if you could watch the cat for another week or two, what ever. If she lost your phone number, that shows right there how concerned she is about the cat. Take the cat to a shelter, a least it has a chance of being adopted out to someone who will care for it. Or if you know of any one personally looking for a pet, offer them the cat. When she does finally show up for the cat. Tell her the cat darted out the door and ran away. Then present her with the Vet bill, and any medications that were involved. As for the expense of food, and litter, chalk this up as a learning experience. You should have made arrangements for the food expense, litter and unknown expenses in advance. We live and learn every day of our lives.

Answer 7

You and your husband are definitely being used. Might I add that you two are very good people because there is NO way that I am providing food and taking care of vet bills for a cat that I am already providing shelter to...and for free at that. She should have left you some money or something. And then to just take off like that?! No, Honey. You are not looking too much into this. You are being taken advantage of BIG time!

Answer 8

Hate to say this. I think you are being used. Of course you should feel angry. The very least she could do is to give you guys a call or send a message thanking you or asking about the cat. Whatever it is, just take care of that poor cat. Think of it as a responsibility looking after other living things. Next time......

Answer 9

She hasn't lost your number. She knows exactly how to get in touch with you. She has taken advantage of your good nature and your love for cats. Some people here believe you should just drop the cat off somewhere, but it's not the poor cat's fault it's owner in an inconsiderate loser. I would, however, bill her for every day over the three months you agreed to. She won't pay, of course, but it will let her know that you are not happy with her behavior.

Answer 10

I think you should be irked by the fact that she has used you. Saying she lost your number is a cop-out. That is why they have information operators. But hey, you already have 10 cats. What's one more ? You have provided her cat with better care than she would probably have given. If the cat is lucky, your co-worker will not come back for it, and it will have a better place to live.
P.S. You are NOT foolish, just someone who will help.