Ok, to try and make a long story short.. (Good luck). My 21 yr. old dead beat brother got a girl pregnant up in Ohio and he presently lives in North Carolina where my parents live The mother of his baby who is 3 months old "can't handle the baby anymore" My mother has asked me to go and pick up the baby and take care of it for an unspecified amount of time till she can come up and get the paperwork and get some sort of custody aggreement.I said, "NO !" My reasoning is that I have 2 children of my own that are 1 yr. and 3yr. I just got myself and part-time job that I enjoy and I NEED to work to help with finances and I felt that it's not my responsibility to care for someone else's baby.I did not create him, why should I bend over backwards to care for him. I DO realize that this in NOT in any way the baby's fault and that his parents are idiots.However, I think that it's asking for too much.. She also wants all my baby clothes and things for this baby.I'm not giving them to her...
2007-08-25 14:53:19 · 21 answers · asked by pebblespro 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Because, I'm planning on selling them at a garage sale to buy clothes for my older son that he can hand me down to the younger one.. We live on a really tight budget and we work really, really hard for the few things we have.. My mother thinks that I'm selfish and mean.. I think I'm being realistic.. I can't leave a baby that's NOT mine in the care of my husband at night while I go to work.. My husband and myself work very hard so why should my brother benefit from us working because he won't rise up and be a father.. He has NOT paid child support he does NOT care for the child NOR does he have a relationship with the mother whom I've never met.. Nor plan on meeting...
2007-08-25 14:56:39 · update #1
* To sweet or as I like to refer you to as SOUR- The clothes that I do not sell are going to a friend of mine who is pregnant and she's given me clothing for my children.. All my clothing is in near perfect condition as is all my baby gear... Though this child I've never seen is my "nephew" I have no attachment to him. I would rather throw the clothing away than to give it to my brother- the deadbeat loser... He hasn't worked or done anything for anyone the only thing he's good at is causing problems...
2007-08-25 15:13:58 · update #2
* I forgot to add my brother has a suspended driver's license in the state of Ohio... So, he can't pick up the baby himself.. So my mother has to drive 16 hours each way pick up the baby and drive back.. It just doesn't end....
2007-08-25 15:33:52 · update #3
Tell grandma that it's time for her son to GROW UP and be a man. I can understand why she wants the extra help from you, but you have your own family to support. Nephew or no nephew, your children must come first. You're only trying to be a good parent, she should learn to do the same. And what about the girl's family? If she has parents, they should be contributing as well. If your mom isn't going to request baby items from the girl's siblings/family, she shouldn't expect them from you. Also, I don't blame you for wanting to give them to your friend instead. I know lots of people who just trade baby clothes between their group of friends. It would be one thing if both your brother and this girl were working hard to try and support the baby.....but from the looks of it, your brother has done NOTHING. Until he starts working his a** off (and hopefully realizes how hard it is to raise a child), I wouldn't give him a thing.
2007-08-25 17:36:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey, I couldn't agree with you more! Why can't your brother go and pick up HIS child from IT'S mother, so HE can take care of IT? That would help him build character if you ask me. Doesn't sound like you're being selfish or unreasonable, sounds like your mother and brother are.
Lightofthepartyyea has a point, too. I don't care what kind of "verbal agreement" you're going to have or your mother has, it can be constituted as kidnapping. Then you're left holding the bag because you went to get the baby. And you have your own family to worry about. Do you need that headache? Get something in writing. Let your deadbeat brother do some work to get his child. Or if your mother is so insistant on getting this child (since she does seem to be the only one doing all the work on it), let her file paperwork and all, and let that play out. The courts take forever anyway.
2007-08-25 22:25:33 · answer #2 · answered by shelleygail76 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have your own family to think about, but would it hurt to let go of some of the clothes your trying to sell. Giving is a great thing, and if the baby needs clothes then why not give them a few items. Isn't this your niece or nephew. I'm telling you right now you will not get many people to want to buy clothes that your children wore, and they give you good money for it. You will find out after the garage sale that you are left with every piece of clothing that you tried to sell. Why not help so that good fortune will come your way. If you want to be a hard a*s, and do nothing then I hope nothing in your life goes bad that you will need help one day. Giving is better then receiving.
2007-08-25 22:07:20 · answer #3 · answered by Sweet 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You ROCK! I agree with you 100%. And to all the jerks that are rude you should just piss off. Your brother should be responsible for the child...and it's clothes and gear. If you have a 1 year old you still need your baby things so I think it's your mom being selfish not you. I hope things go well in this and I wish you the best of luck. I also want to tell you that I applaud you for staying strong!
2007-08-25 23:06:30 · answer #4 · answered by just<3me 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your brother has already wrecked 3 lives.The baby is an innocent victim. I admire your mother for trying to help. She should go with it.
I agree with you.Why should your irresponsible brother possibly wreck your family and you and your children's lives if you are responsible and working your butts off to take care of your family.
You don't need your family destroyed and he goes merely, irresponsibly, on his way.He needs to grow up and help your mother to take care of HIS child.Or some arrangements made so the child doesn't suffer due to him and it's birth mother.Possibly she tried and was over whelmed?
Sounds like he is the only one not affected by his actions? He needs to step up and be a man, not a sperm donar.
I would say give her the baby clothes...but if you need to clothe your own children...that is a good reason.YOU are their parent to take care of them.
If you need the money from selling them then you need them like you say.
Help as much as you can, but your are not the human sacrafice.You have 2 people that you must be responsible for.Not selfishly, but responsibly.
Help where you can and are able to.
I am just an observer.....do your best and what you can.God bless and help you all work this out.
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I remember a trend a while back where guys bragged about droping kids like dogs."who's you daddy".
That doesn't make a MAN. Dogs do that.Rats breed.That is just breeding.Humans should have more sense.
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A person is created....an eternal being.
Not a pet.......dog.......an eternal being.
One that is going to hate you if you just have them and take no care of them.If they do with out all their life...you will be the one they hate.
Some people never see this in relation to them
creating kids that have nothing and no care.
2007-08-25 22:20:21 · answer #5 · answered by LIFE OBSERVER 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we have to go out of our way for family to help.
I can understand that the 'unspecified amount of time' must bother you. It could mean two months or two years. I would suggest that you ask your mum to be very specific on exactly when she will come and relieve you of the responsibility, even if it is that she come up soon to just live with you, perhaps for a time as she sorts out a custody agreement that she wants.
I would ask if there is any compromise that you can make.
As for the clothes and whatnot, how about saving a few items for the baby to have; it doesn't have to be everything.
2007-08-25 23:50:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your first and upmost priority should be your family (your husband and your kids) - so you need to do whats in the best interest of them. You are not being unreasonable! That is a lot to ask of someone to take on a new baby! And never mind its for an unspecified amount of time - lets say you take the baby and then you and your kids get attached to the baby and then they take the baby away - that is not in the best interest of your family.
If your mother is so concerned, she should take the baby herself and care for it. Otherwise I agree with you, stay out of it and live your life. Good luck!
2007-08-26 09:02:07 · answer #7 · answered by Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This little baby is your blood, I'm sorry you don't see it just as that and want to love and care for it. I know if it was any of my nieces, I wouldn't hesitate to travel 10 times around the world if it meant I could keep my family safe. By the sound of thing, you don't want to care for this child, therefore i believe you would not make a good guardian for it. Tell the state what is happening, let the child go to a loving family that can and will give the poor child all the love and guidance it needs that you cant give.
2007-08-25 23:05:24 · answer #8 · answered by Kenny K 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
the best option here is putting the baby up for adoption. as difficult as it sounds, its not your baby, neither parent wants to pay for the baby or be a parent and theres plenty of people out there who do! i have some experience with this. my aunt had a baby at 49 and shes always been a deadbeat parent (told her son at 8 yrs old she didnt want him anymore and shipped him off to another aunt and uncle, lost another in a custody battle) anyways, when she had this baby he was a yr old, she got bored and got an agreement with my aunt and uncle (yes, the ones that already took one kid in for her) that they would care for him for 2 yrs and she'd take him back. well its been about a yr and a half since then and theres no way shes taking him back. shes an unfit parent and now my uncle and aunt have the responsibility of caring for a 3 yr old when they are 45 and 50 yrs old. in my opinion right from the start, thye should have put him up for adoption to a family who really wanted him, not one that felt obligated to care for him.
2007-08-25 22:02:53 · answer #9 · answered by raspberry 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you but I am such a sucker for innocent children. I would be paranoid that that lady doesn't want the baby and is probably abusing him or neglecting and I could not live like that. I would go get my nephew in a heart beat....even if I didn't have a relationship with my brother. I actaully have 2 half brothers that I have never met...and to one of them I am their only sibling....and if he called me to come get his kid for whatever reason and there was no one else. I would do it, but that is just me. Like I said, I love babies and my heart breaks...I am such a sucker....
but you do have to do what is best for you and your family, You can't put your nephew over your own children and your mom should be shelling out money for this babies clothes if she wants to take custody of him.
2007-08-25 23:22:02 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs. Dominguez 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋