How to deal with heartbreak?

Question

A month ago my relationship ended with my beloved. For four years we spent every day together and shared
so much joy and love. She was the most magical woman I have ever met. My angel. We had planned on being
married this summer. But then several months ago she went overseas for work for a month. I met her there at the end of the month
so we could vacation in the area afterwards. But everything had changed when I got there, things became distant, and she
seemed to can't stand to be in my sight. We still went ahead and got an engagement ring. Things got colder when
I returned home and she just said she needed space. I did my best and we actually had the engagement ring remade.
Two weeks after I got it she came to me and she said she loved me but no longer loved me and I had to move out.
She said she had been unhappy for a long time and said our relationship was impossible to fix.

It has been about a month. Before I moved out I found out she had met someone while traveling before I had gotten
there. Her story kept changing and I eventually found love letters to him saying that she loved him and missed him.

As you can tell, I am heartbroken. I loved her with all my heart. And I have never seen such a radical change in a person.
Despite what she said at the end, she was so happy before the trip. Sure we had our conflicts and disagreements but so does everyone.
We had started planning the wedding and everything. How does this happen? She had always called me the love of her life and
that we were married when we had moved in together. I am in my mid thirties so this is no longer young love.

I felt like I had reached a point where I was accepting things the way they are. I had been angry, sad, frustrated, depressed etc.
But now I feel like I am back at the beginning again. I miss her like crazy. And don't understand how such a dream like
relationship came to an end the way it did? Obviously, there was something wrong but it is so frustrating there was never
a chance to fix it. Or I never even knew what the problem was. I still wonder if she is going to call or write. There is no choice but to move
on but it is so hard to leave it behind.

How do you deal with this? How does a person suddenly change? Even if she did suddenly reconnect how could you ever accept what happened?

So heartbroken.

Thank you so much for everyone who answered and taking your time to give your advice. It is so much appreciated.

Answer 1

time

Answer 2

I don't think I have ever read such a mature and honest letter from a guy on this site. My heart goes out to you. You speak only of love and broken trust, with no malice and still with some hope. I don't know what made your girl want to go and work abroad - perhaps she felt she needed some space to sort out her feelings for you - knew that something was not quite right. She should have told you and given you a chance to talk things through, because now you are left with that awful feeling that you didn't know how she felt, and can never have your say and try to put things right. Of course you miss her, and I sincerely hope that you have friends and family to support you through this bad time for you. Please take time before you get back on the dating scene. On the rebound relationships never work, and you sound such a nice guy, it would be so sad for you to lay yourself open to being hurt again. Don't underestimate your worth. I hope you find happiness in the future with a girl who deserves you. No I am not your Mum lol.

Answer 3

How to deal with it.? Dunno mate, it's a shattering experience and I can imagine what you're going through, honestly.

Personally, I would "reconnect" simply because I never stopped loving her.

If she ever came back into your life, you would have to accept what has happened, otherwise you couldn't go forward. Not giving her any excuses but....everyone is allowed to make mistakes. It's just that, when your heart's involved, it hurts so deep you are likely to replay the scenario's (good times and bad) over and over in your head. It makes no sense to be bitter or to play on what was "going on" while you were not around. I need space is an old tune, played on all the new fiddles, y'know?

You've heard the saying, the other man's grass....? well in some cases it's true, that's not to say it's the right move for her to make and she could find out at her cost but think of it like this..... if she never "tried it" she would never have known how it felt to ....she may have always, then, kept that thought in her mind and inadvertantly blamed you for having a hold over her.....and eventually began to hate you for it. If her new life goes pear-shaped, just be there for her.

Having done what she has done, she has now got a huge mountain to climb if ever she wanted to get back with you. How would she explain her actions and how could she stop you from thinking that she might do it again.

You have to be brave and forgiving, but you can't dwell on thoughts of her now, because she is with another, you'd only hurt yourself even more. Try putting things to one side for now, until the severity of your pain eases enough for you to think rationally. Don't go around "dissing" her that would be childish and don't burn any bridges making it harder for her if she should want to return.
Be strong my friend, and read between the lines should you reconnect. You have to clear your thoughts of suspicion and jealousy and you have to remember.... a clean slate, a new start for both of you.... pretend you have just met. Fingers crossed for you, good luck mate.

Answer 4

You're going through hell now: I don't blame you, you thought this woman was the one, and no, she was not.
This feels like a sudden death, right ? this didn't give you time to prepare yourself for this unexpected outcome of the relationship. You must feel angry, sad, very hurt, betrayed, anxious, confused... this woman you thought would be your wife has deceived you, cheated on you. No, people usually don't change so abruptly, it was in her nature to do things like that: to deceive people, to be so damn selfish, dishonest. You were blindily in love with her, and couldn't see her flaws. She's a cheater, but you didn't see it. Certainly she's no angel. The good news is that all this happened and the relationship ended. Imagine if this had occurred been married to her: you're a lucky man after all, somebody was watching over you in heaven.
You have suffered a loss in your life, a small death - your relationship, being in love - be aware that you'll go through phases in your grief: you felt shocked _ " how suddenly a person change "? - numbed, then very angry, you'd like to know the answers to many of your questions, guilty, in denial: " even if she suddenly reconnected ..." . Sometimes you can experience that you're accepting the reality, then you go back to square one: this is absolutely normal in this process.
You did nothing to mess up the relationship, so please, don't be harsh on yourself, ok?, you were loving, caring, loyal, devoted, she was a woman who lied to you, made you believe that she loved you while she lived close to you, and when she had the opportunity to leave the country she quickly found other man. She was not in love with you when you proposed to her, anyway she accepted you, only to tell you later that she didn't love you: disgusting !.
Don't give this woman any more power over you, move on with your life, don't let this sad event take control of your life. You're a good man, you don't deserve a woman like that. Meet new people, keep yourself busy, join a group, practice a new sport, move out of your town if you can, move out of your house with so many memories, if you can.Don't spend a lot of time alone, dwelling on feelings, questions that never will be answered, you don't need to hear explanations for cheating, dishonesty, you thought your relationship was going well, you were misled into believing you were loved by her. Give yourself time to heal, healing is a process. You'll move on with your life, Don't give this woman the power to make you a bitter, distrustful man, please. Give her what is hers. Relationships end, and then other relationship will start over again someday. Don't idealize people, don't give too much of yourself without being sure that woman deserves your trust, your love, your commitment.
You'll find someday the right woman for you, I promise you: you're a great guy !!.
Good luck

Answer 5

Big (((((hug))))) as you sound like a GREAT guy. Dont every change!!!! : ))))))

It wont help right now but I just want you to know that there are many people out there who are kind sensitive souls, who get trashed every day by people they adore and cherish.

Sometimes it feels like an 'emotional crime' and that people should be locked up for the cruelty they inflict on others. You sound like a very deep sensitive guy. Please dont ever change. Take each day as it comes and dont put yourself under any kind of pressure. Just live each moment, painful as it is, it is part of your healing process. I promise you it wont last forever. Many of us have been there. I am still the good kind person I ever was and my ex is the idiot who is still not happy and still trashing women.

Answer 6

Sorry to hear that. You have to realise that the true love you had for this woman was not the same for her. It is better to know now than a couple of years down the line married and maybe with children. It is hard but you will find the right person good luck.

Answer 7

well... i took back my husband after he cheated (had a relationship) and i do love him ery much- but everytime he is not in the house i am wondering if he is with someone else- and everytime the phone ring i wonder who it is... is it some one??

ecause she hurt you so badly.. i would say there was no chance for you to get back what you had! i would asvice you to move on and date. no one is saying fall in love again, just have some fun, it will relieve the pain, other people have gone throught what you are going throught! but they pull through you wont feel like this forever- if only there were more men out there like you! x

Answer 8

Time is the only thing to heal a heartbreak. It's the most helpless feeling in the world, but you have got to just keep your head up. Don't socialize with her unless you have to. I'm sure it's hard, but try to go out and hang out with your friends. Don't move on too quickly, but just take time to heal. I wish u the best of luck.

Answer 9

I certainly have plenty experence with that, me and this dude dated for 2yrs and 2months yet i found out he grew to become into cheating on me the final week we've been mutually, it took me a whilst it recover from him yet we been broken up provided that 5months and now i moved on we use to easily be friends and nevertheless ought to speak approximately something. i think of u could desire to flow on and for get her have confidence me u wont remorseful approximately it yet there nicely be situations u nevertheless omit her merely undergo in strategies she cheated on u

Answer 10

You have to start going out and meeting new people and time is a great healer

Answer 11

O dear..well to tell you the truth..all you really can do is try your hardest to forget about her.Make yourself buzy,socialise alot more and hopefully you will meet someone one day .Keep hope