What do you do when someone treats you like crap, but you couldn't live without them...?

Question

I mean, the moments that are good are the moments that I live for, but most of the time she acts as though she is mad at me, annoyed, and wants me to leave her alone... (and then when I ask if she wants to just back off a little, she gets mad)...

I bought her a present, and hid it in her locker and she never even thanked me... I asked for a hug, and she said that people might watch....

She is so insecure about herself, that it affects me majorily. That is the one problem, she is so insecure that it takes a toll on me... she tells me she is ugly when i say she is pretty, she doesn't like me to touch her at all (rubbing her shoulders etc)...

I don't know what to do at all... I want to be with her, and couldn't imagine myself with anyone else, but at the same time, it kills me to be with her...

What should I do?

Answer 1

ok look i had this same exact problem with my ex-bf and now look he didnt want me to kiss him in public or hold his hand or n-ething!.... but then i finally relized that i really did love him and that he didnt really love me so i had to do the right thing and stop wasting my time so i told him that i had to leave him bcuz it just wasnt right and yes i did wanna be with him 4ever and ever but then u noe u gotta think that their are other ppl out their that really want u to love them and that they wanna love you! and now i did the right thing and nopw i am with a great guy who cares deply for me and i feel the same in return!!! but if u r ok with her treating you like this then i guess keep wasting ur time bcuz u never noe maybe u already passed up that special sum-1??? but my point is that if u feel like she is ashamed of u then u need to do the right thing AND move on...... im not sayn it'll be easy but trust me in a yr or two u will thank me 4 this advice i promise!!!!!

Answer 2

Tell her how you feel. I had similar problem, my gf was always like that and then I said "Look Shelby, I really like you, and you may think your ugly, but I don't and that is what matters. If I make you happy then why do you treat me the way you do? If I don't make you happy, why are you still with me? Just remember no matter how ugly others think you are, you are the most beautiful girl to me." It was our 1 year anniversary the next day. I told her I was sick so she stayed home. I had a limo pick her up and take her to a park where I had a candle lit dinner waiting. Then we sat on a blanket and watched the stars (she was into astronomy) Then a guy brought a sheet of paper over to her and that was my gift to her. She opened it and before she read it I took her to a telescope and she looked through it and I said "see that star, thats yours, it says so in that paper (I actually bought her one of the stars, I think its cool how you can do that now)." She read it and cried and said "Tyler, I cant believe I ever thought I was worthless. I always thought no oned liked me. I realize I am as beautiful as I will get and who ever wants me wants me, I can't change that, and I am glad to call you mine."


So just tell her how you really feel and then take her to do something she likes, I was 13 when i did that for her, im only 14 now but if a 13 year old can pull it off so can you.

Hope this helped

Answer 3

i can sort of relate.. you really should explain to her how its making you feel and that there's a reason you want to be with her, no matter how she looks, she has to be pretty to you if you say you want to be with her, just let her know that no matter how she feels about herself you feel that she really is pretty and that when you tell her and she blows it off or comes back with her.. 'I'm so ugly' remarks that it makes you feel like she doesn't appreciate your compliments or feel that you're being sincere when in reality you really are. Just give her some time, does she have her nails done or anything like that? maybe a mini makeover like a new haircut or hairstyle or a new outfit or a manicure would make her feel a little better. i know that sounds crazy but really sometimes the smallest things that a girl does can make her feel completely different. don't give up on her yet.. but if she's rude to you and unappreciative after you talking to her about it I wouldn't let her bring you down with her.. leave her alone and she'll most likely realize that you've cared for her and what she's lost. good luck, i hope this will help.

Answer 4

I think if you really love her you should stick with it. She has self-esteem issues and even though she gets mad at you when you tell her she's pretty, inside it makes her feel a little better. It's gonna be hard for you, but you might end up making a positive difference in her life. The fact that she gets mad when you ask her if she wants a break shows that she likes you. And if she doesn't want you to touch her in public, hug her when no one else is around. Eventually she has to start changing but if she doesn't, then that means she needs to find herself and fix her problem on her own and if it's really bringing you down then you gotta leave. but try to stick it out for a while and talk to her exactly about how you feel.

Answer 5

If she is so insecure that she can't give back then something is very wrong. No matter how insecure she is, when your alone, she should appreciate your touch and what you do for her. Sense she doesn't I would guess it has nothing what ever to do with insecurity. She just is not in to you.

The best advice you will ever get is to "give her the gift of missing you". Do not try to contact her for at least a week. If she really cares she will get back with you. If she does not you have just dodged a big bullet. You don't want to be with someone that is not into you, believe me.

I know it may hurt but not nearly as much as it will when she tells you how she really feels about you just to get rid of you.
Take charge of yourself, do what is right for you, if she does not follow you are so much better off.

Answer 6

From your question, I'm going to assume you are young (I'm 59). In life, you come into this world alone and will leave it alone - everyone you meet, and love, will leave one way or another - that is just the facts of life. Every human being is of value. When someone treats another badly, they are not honoring the value of that person. If you close your eyes and imagine marrying her and trying to spend the rest of your life going through what you are going through right now, do you see it as warm and loving? I don't. Believe it or not, there is someone out there who will treat you the way you really need to be treated. You just have to keep that thought in mind. I married my first husband because I was in the same situation you are - I loved him even though he treated me badly. I thought I could change him - you can't. He was an alcoholic and died as a street person. I have found you shouldn't ever marry a person because you NEED them. Each of us should learn to stand on our own two feet and take care of ourselves before we ever try to take care of another - be it a wife, husband, or baby. If we can take care of ourselves, then we'll be able to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and get back to living with or without a partner. I married the wonderful husband I have now (married 24 yrs) because I WANTED him in my life - not because I NEEDED him. I know that WHEN (not if), WHEN the time comes that he leaves me by death, I will survive. So will you. When you love someone, it shouldn't hurt. My husband and I have never fought a day in our entire marriage. We talk everything through and on occasion agree to disagree. We don't try to put each other down. We encourage growth and improvement in each other. These are the things that make a good marriage and relationship. Always treat them at least as kindly as you would a stranger, saying please and thank you, opening doors for them, etc. It shows you have respect for them. Hope that answers your question and then some.....

Answer 7

Start taking care of yourself and realizing that you might not want to spend your precious time and space with someone that does not recognize what a wonderful person you are. People respect others to the amount other people request and demand respect.

I am guessing you are in high school or college...because of the reference to the locker. Sounds like she is growing up and being insecure is sometimes part of this process.

You need to ask yourself if being with someone that acts like they don;t want you around feels good in your soul, in your heart, and if it does not than change something. Either she needs to be respectful, encouraging, glad to see you, treats you with kindness consideration and caring, then you will think about staying in the friendship or after some thought you might want to end the time together...and start pulling back.

If not, why be with someone that is abusing you....This can grow into co dependency...and it's an ugly path.

Be with someone that is as strong or stronger than you, who can pull you up into the person you know in your heart you want and can be.

Answer 8

Believe me, you could definitely live without her. It may be hard at first, but time heals all things. You say it kills you to be with her? Well, how long have you been with her? Surely it hasn't been for very long. Imagine being with her forever. That's what marriage is. You are promising to stay with the person you marry until death. Do you honestly think that you could be with this girl for the rest of your life? As time goes on, things usually get worse, not better. You are already having problems now, this is just a taste of what is to come in the future.

Answer 9

I think that you would be doing yourself and her a big favor if you broke up with her. You do not deserve to be treated like crap. You are knocking yourself out to measure up to what she can accept, and she rejects you. You are giving her gifts and she doesn't even thank you. You encourage and lift her up and she discounts what you say or blows it off. I know you really care about her, and I know it's hard, but really, you will find someone else who will appreciate what a wonderful guy you really seem to be. When you find that girl and she reciprocates the kindness that you show to her, then you will realize that there actually IS happiness with a girl that can be found and you have been holding on to someone who could only keep hurting you.

The way that you will be doing this girl a favor is by showing her that when she treats people like crap, they will no longer be a part of her life. She needs to learn that lesson because that just isn't cool to treat people like that. I don't care how insecure she is - that doesn't give her the right to mistreat others. Finally, this girl sounds like she needs to work on herself and her self-respect before she can have a relationship with someone else. She doesn't sound emotionally healthy. When emotionally unhealthy people are in a relationship with others, it is more difficult for them to get "healthy" because the relationship is also unhealthy and it is just one more thing to add to their plate. I think this girl sounds like she doesn't feel worthy. I think that the nicer you are to her, the more she feels hurt by it because she can't fathom why you are so nice to someone who doesn't deserve it. When she feels hurt, she treats you badly because that gives her a sense of control over things that she feels she can't control. She can't control how nice you are to her, but she can control how she reacts to it. When she is mean to you, that likely makes her feel that being mean justifies her feelings of unworthiness, and she appears to like to be in that self-pity, unworthy mode. The best thing you can do for her is to remove yourself from that and let her learn and grow, and discover herself and mature. She obviously has some things to sort through, and it's easier to do that when she doesn't have someone in her life that she can use as her doormat.

Answer 10

First you should understand that you could live without her and could be with someone other.
Second,you should talk about that to her.Start something like 'I am not complaining...' 'I really like you,but you...' 'I was just wondering why...' .Talking always helps.
Third,you should give her a break.Do not call her as much as now.Do not try to hug her.(that's bad if she doesn't like it because she thinks you're ugly,but I don't think so,hugging is not kissing).Maybe she will want that and she will know how to show you.
Fourth...ask your friend to act like he had a crush on her.But that must be a friend you really can trust,because who knows how she'll react?
Fifth...about saying she's ugly when you say she's pretty.Girl has complex.Some girls do,some not.Try saying 'Well,you maybe don't care what I think,but in my opinion you're really pretty'.
Sixth...be kind,be nice,be good,be quite cold.Make her try to reach you not otherwise.But not too much.
And...good luck!I hope u will get together much better in future :)

Answer 11

She's either really insecure with herself or she's (sorry) not into you at all but either doesn't want to hurt your feelings or likes the attention so she keeps you around! Decide honestly if you want to be treated that way. If not, you know what to do.

Also, it's sad to say that sometimes people treat others a certain way without really understanding how it affects the other person. Without being malicious try treating her the same way and see what her reaction is.