"father"??

Question

i've never really known my dad. he hasnt been around since i was in the 5th grade. [im an up comming senior in highschool]
i see him once in awhile but he is NOT the type of man i like to be around. he so selfish, at least when it comes to me and my mom. but hes good to everyone else.
in order to finish my last year of highshool i have to live with him [my mom moved for a better job to the other side of the state, and my other family live far away , and non of my friends have xtra room]

basically, a few days ago my father and i got into a HUGE fight and it got semi violent in the middle of the streets at 11 oclock at night [he didnt hurt me or anything]

how i feel right now? i strongly dislike him. i DONT want to live with him.

my whole life is where i live, hes the only option i have [unless i live on the STREETS lol jk]

the next day he called me. i didnt answer. and i have yet to listen to his voice mail.

my question:

should i listen to his voicemail? confused!

Answer 1

Listen to his voicemail!! I would get a job and get a appartment since your only other option is living with your dad which you don't want to do!!

Answer 2

Have you talked to anyone at school about this? I would strongly recommend that you get some regular counseling (and by "counseling" I mean "support for yourself during this very, very tough time"), which you can likely get for free at school. Through the school counselor, you and your dad should get some family counseling together; the school counselor will likely be able to recommend somebody good. Family counselors don't side with the parents against kids; what they usually do is help both sides feel understood, which helps everyone to drop their need to keep arguing. Once that's done, they can help mediate fair solutions between you. This means that your concerns and needs get listened to and taken into consideration as well. Also... sounds like your dad could use someone to listen to HIS feelings about becoming an instant parent. Maybe by listening, the counselor will help him calm down, and give him good advice too. Think of a counselor like this: imagine the best mom you've ever met (aside from your own); if she could take your dad aside and he'd listen to her, don't you think that would help? Family counseling is a bit like that.

It's very, very difficult to go right to living with a parent whom you've never really known, and what you have known, haven't liked. Basically, you're living with someone you don't trust. And probably now he is too (no matter that he was a huge part in creating this poor environment... he likely find your behavior unpredicable, and therefore scary to him). You don't want him to be the one to make the first move to involve an outside party; it will go so much better if you do it yourself, preferably with the school's help.

Hang in there, this has got to be incredibly hard. And yet, there is a reason it happened. I have no doubt that you "strongly dislike him" now, and probably have very good reasons. And yet, if you don't find a way to make peace with him, and the situation, not only will your entire senior year have all the joy sucked out of it and maybe be quite miserable, but you will have missed the opportunity to make peace with a part of yourself.

Give it a try. Reach out to someone at school who can work to help you--and you and your dad--turn this tough time around. He's your family. If he isn't hurting you during difficult fights, then there's hope.

Also remember, at your age you're about to become very independent. This is a temporary situation, and also an opportunity.

So either listen to the voicemail, or don't... but either way, don't let it upset you too much. There is help out there if you but ask. If you can't think of a way to ask, print out this whole question/answer, sign your real name to it, seal it in an envelope marked "school psychologist, CONFIDENTIAL" and give it to the secretary in the office. You might have to wait a few days to hear from them, but you certainly will. Good luck, hon.

Answer 3

yes, maybe this would be a good opportunity for you and your dad to "start over".

i'm sorry you weren't able to see him much and that you don't have a strong bond....

sometimes we need to let down the walls and try to get along... ask him what he thinks the two of you can do in order to make your relationship better?

maybe that would be a good start.

Answer 4

Absolutely listen to his voicemail. You haven't a clue what he's thinking until you do.

Answer 5

I think u should listen to his voicemail. Its not like u hav to call him back or anythin.

Answer 6

yes you should. msybe hes apologizing. or maybe it was something serious. I think you should.