How do you deal with a family member who is determined to ruin your life?

Question

In my case, it seems I have a handful of relatives who seem to be determined to wreck me and my kids emotionally, financially, educationally. Anyone else have this problem? What did you do to end it? It will 9 months before I can move again and sever any contact....just like my domestic violence safety plan suggested i do in the first place.....

I cannot explain much more because it would fill a book! But they make it difficult to finish my degree, get working or keep working because of the "help" they promised when I moved 2K miles to be near them. I have forgotten how to deal with toxic people. I forgot how nice and charming they are while they create a stragedy to hurt me. Once they've conned me into getting my current street address it is like they just reverted back to nasty, vindictive, etc....

Answer 1

Sounds like you need really specific help. I had some relatives that seemed "determined to wreck me (although they told everyone they were 'helping' my kids) emotionally, financially, etc. Turning the situation around was very hard, but I was able to do it. And it never became the loving family scene I'd hoped for; simply not hurtful anymore. However... these were not people who would have hurt me physically. In that situation I might've had to do things very differently.

If you're being physically threatened, or in any way where the law could get involved (i.e. financially, educationally), then by all means involve the law. Which might then mean more DV assistance. But if these are just petty, short-sighted, vindictive people who get their jollies from emotionally abusing, then perhaps what I did would help.

Answer 2

Are you sure you have to wait 9 months!!! It's obviously a very dangerous situation...emotionally, if not physically. Are there any friends that might lend you money? Any out-of-state friends or family you could move in with temporarily?

If these suggestions are out, do anything you can to keep these people away from you! don't answer the phone or doorbell, if you know it's one of them. To insure the former, get caller ID. You can't afford NOT to!

What about these domestic violence people? Can't you call them? They should be able to help you find temporary, out-of-state housing-until your moving plans can go forward.

Above all, keep in mind that it's only one group of people's opinion of you...and, if they try and drag your children into it, they can't be considered morally upstanding. Don't give there opinions a second thought!

Just keep this in mind, until you are able to move. I know it will be difficult-especially if you end up having to wait out the full 9 months. I know, feelings about relatives are often conflicted-but remind yourself, if you find yourself remembering a time when they were supportive, friendly, and generous-that something happened, and they chose to change towards you. And, if any of them says they want to 'make up' with you-wait until you move. Then, talk on the phone. thru emails, or, visit THEM. Don't chance giving out your new address-for a very long time, if ever. Even if the person involved is sincere, others may not be, and may talk the person into giving out information they shouldn't. Also, be vague about the new friends you make, the bank you use, and the names of the schools your kids attend. Then, they can't give out this info-even by mistake-since they don't know it, themselves!

Answer 3

you didn't explain...

are you being stalked? if so, and even if you have a domestic violence safety plan, you need to report any and all harassment to the police. each incident.

i hope you get the chance to move soon.

perhaps you could consider therapy ? sometimes it's helpful to learn some good coping skills and get suggestions from a person who is trained to help..

i wish you all the best.

Answer 4

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