I was with him for a year and a half and twords the end he became abusive, but i didn't get out of the relationship fast enough and ended up finding out i was pregnant by him the day I was ending it with him. I'm 6 months now and I'm confused on if i should let him see my daughter when she is born or not. He has told me he has changed but when i talk to him its hard to belive. I don't know if its just me not likeing him, of if he really hasn't changed. He has also told people that she isn't his and that im a whore. But when he talks to me he says he knows the baby is his and that he wants to see her. I really don't know what to do and i don't want to make the wrong decision when it comes to my daughter.
2007-08-25 05:01:55 · 22 answers · asked by jessica 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
If he was physcially abusive to you, he will be the same to a child.
Get a court oder for child support, and move on.
You are valuable, and so is that baby. There are plenty of men out there willing to be fathers and husbands to those who are not their own.
Go get that life you want for you and your baby.
2007-08-25 05:05:37 · answer #1 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
BEWARE!
A long time ago, I would have said yes. Now, all I can do is tell you just what CAN happen (from my experience):
First, I am 59, and believe me, these men do not ever change.
By law, you can't keep him from vistation. He can go to court and get court-ordered visits. You can possibly make sure visits are "supervised" as in the DHS office (if you can prove he may be a danger to the child), which means a lot of driving to bring your child there.
I never believed a child should be kept from their father. So, I brought him into the picture, although he had been very abusive to me while pregnant and threatened to make sure my son would be taken from me and kept from me, if I didn't abide by his wishes and get an abortion.
Well, this is just what he did. Later, when my son was 6-years old, the father had enough money (and chose an attorney which was best friends with the judge), and he gained custody and MY visits were supervised in the DHS office!
On top of it all, he was hitting my son and also giving him very extreme discipline and I couldn't get ANYONE to get him out of there. Not the cops, not DHS...nobody could. For real.
The one-hour, weekly visits totaled 8 days a year!
He also (because he could), alienated my son (Parental Alienation Syndrome) against me, so much throughout these years, that my son, now 18, wants nothing to do with me. (See the PAS site to view others in the same boat).
So, letting this jerk see his child, is not a simple cut and dried yes or no. It could cause you heartache and tons of tears somewhere down the line.
2007-08-25 05:53:31 · answer #2 · answered by babeboomer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
By all means allow the father of your child to see her.But do to his behavior towards you, allow the meeting to be in public places such as a mall or a restaurant. But don't deny him totally from seeing and holding the child that's part of him as well.I feel if he's totally denied, if can work against you later by him and/or your daughter.But remember his behavior will decide on how often and where he will see her. One more thing please don't use the child to get what you want.So many children has been used like that and they are the one who end up with bitterness, anger and emotional problems.Keep in mind the issue and deciding factor is his behavior. After the child is born and he don't step up and be a man in helping to support the child, not with five,ten or so dollars here and there that's not being a man, that's being a male. A man makes sure his business is being taken care of properly. He actually should start before the child is born.Talk about it before the child is born, (making and keeping notes of these conversations would not hurt)he might say what you want to hear now, but after the child is born that's when the truth will be exposed. Don't wait no longer than two months after the child is born for him to step up and be a man.If he fails to do so, get a court order for child support.Don't let your feelings for him(whatever's left) get in the way, because if he laid and done his part to help create the child then he need to do his part to help take care and provide for the child. And whatever you do,I would not even entertain the thought of marrying him at this moment or this year and perhaps even longer due to his dis-respectfulness of and towards you. Remember,public places for meeting him with or without the child.
2007-08-25 05:27:40 · answer #3 · answered by msg4ltloldme 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It might be a good idea to talk to a lawyer in your state. State custody laws vary and you don't want to end up on the wrong side. Since he was abusive to you before and it doesn't sound like he has received any sort of treatment, the chances are that he has not changed and he won't until he receives the correct treatment. A custody agreement would be very helpful to you. There is a chance depending on what state you live in, that the judge can order him to attend a batterers treatment program (usually lasts 2 years) and have supervised visits with his daughter. Anger management is not the issue. You also want to make sure that you have a safe place for visitation. Take care of yourself and your baby. You both deserve to be in a place that you feel safe emotionally and physically.
2007-08-25 05:26:17 · answer #4 · answered by Star* 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he telling the other people he isn't the father then he not changing that much. But he will have to pay child support to help the baby needs The mom does want to protect their child. If you can afford it get a lawyer and talk them and get some advice. See if they could get a supervision visition right for the father for awhile and see how he reacts to a baby. But if you ever let him have the baby for a weekend and when you get her back then check her body. Then if you see any bruising on the body take picture of it and the baby to the emergnancy room or doctor to she where she got them. If she getting beat up from the father then call the police to report and he could lose the visition rights to the baby for good. Decide want best for you and the baby and wish you luck on everything
2007-08-25 05:09:39 · answer #5 · answered by Proud mom of 3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Right now, he should not at all be your concern, regardless if he is the father or not. You need to be in a position to provide and care for your baby. You may need to seek counseling so that you are mentally, emotionally, financially, and psychologically prepared to handle being a mother. That way you can make better decisions for you and your baby. Abusive people will not change until they want to change and get help for it. Until their actions prove that they have changed only then can you let them back in your life.
2007-08-25 05:22:14 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you have witnesses to the abuse? Did you tell anyone at the time? If yes, then you need to go to court and establish a restraining order to keep him away from you and the baby. Once an abuser, always an abuser. If that isn't exactly true 100% of the time, it's close enough for you, because you don't want him harming you or your child. Given his denial of paternity, you should be able to get a court order.
Even if you want to give him visitation, you need to go thru the court to establish the when and where and reserve your right to keep him away if/when he turns abusive again. The court wil also order support payments.
2007-08-25 05:10:22 · answer #7 · answered by Patsy A 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think that above all the safety of your daughter comes first. You don't want her subjected to him fighting you and cursing/name calling in front of her. If he can behave himself he should be allowed to see her. But since you aren't sure of how he will act, he needs to be with someone you trust when he sees her, either you, his family members (if you trust them), your family members, etc. I would speculate though if he is telling people that you are a whore, then he hasn't really changed. The main thing is that all children are entitled to having dads in their lives. He should be given a chance to act like a dad and should have a relationship with her, so long as her safety is not in jeopardy.
2007-08-25 05:08:56 · answer #8 · answered by joni38 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
do away with him! He appears like an asshole. do no longer kill your self over him. you're well worth extra advantageous than that! do no longer bypass returned to him, no rely what he says. If he's abusing you, he does no longer love you. you're a activity to him. I got here from a kinfolk the place my father became abusive. My mom have been given out of that concern and additionally you may. alongside with your toddler, if it includes that. you're truthfully no longer on my own. many females people are abused by their husbands/boyfriends and that they ultimately locate their way out of those situations and alter into extra advantageous people by using fact of it. have self assurance which you're a reliable self sustaining woman. locate place fashions. you will get out of this in case you have self assurance in your self. do no longer enable him warp your recommendations. you already know you're particular and a reliable individual. it is not your fault- it is his. inspect those hyperlinks. reliable luck.
2016-10-09 05:27:07 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i would just say no. If he was abousive to you he will probably be abusive to the baby. And if he is going around spreading rumors like that then NO dont let him see it hes just trying to get u so mad about him spreading those rumors that youll show him the baby so that he'll stop spreading rumors. If he was abusive then he probably still is. I would say no. I would say wait itill shes older so that she has a better chance to get away from him if he does abuse her/him and i would be there with your ex when he sees your child
2007-08-25 05:10:09 · answer #10 · answered by SwimmerMan 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋