I just had huge fight with my fiance over this God stuff. HELP!?

Question

Friends, I don't know what to do. I just started discussing with my Christian fiance some of the questions I've posed to you, and he got extremely angry at me, kept shouting that he has faith, and that he doesn't need to know anything else. Its as if he thinks I *want* to feel the way I feel, which is uncertain. Is there any way to talk to him about this without making him angry?

Thank you to everyone who responded. I did get off the computer as soon as I posted that question earlier today. The only reason why I even got on here at all is because he was so angry at me that he left for a few minutes to cool off so I was here by myself and rather upset. We talked about it enough to agree that I will try my best to pose questions in an inquisitive manner rather than mocking (even though I don't mean to come across as mocking, he seemed to take it that way, so I need to be extra careful when I speak to him about it), and that he will try to help me find answers rather than yell at me and tell me he doesn't know. This is heart-breaking for me because I know that all of you say we should not be together if we have different fundamental beliefs, but I honestly do love him with all my heart, so I think we are still going to try to move past this (or at least not let it consume our lives). Once again thank you all very much. I appreciate it more than you know!

Answer 1

Faith is funny that way. In all honesty, most people cling to it more than they seem to actually believe in it. They fool themselves all the time! At funerals, they don't celebrate the live of the deceased and party because their loved one is in Heaven or "with God." They mourn. Because death is permanent, and they know it. They smother everything with God to keep from having to face up to it.

It is an alarming fact that most Christians have never read the Holy Bible. They go to church and hear "selected" verses, but how many have ever laid eyes on this some of the Bible's many hateful and brutal passages? Passages such as this:

Exodus 35:2 – "For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on it must be put to death."

Luke 14:26 – " If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple."

(That last one was Jesus talking. Jesus. The one everyone says loved all of us. Because that's what they heard in church and from others. They never actually read the Bible.)

You're having fun. With your questions, and also in knowing that you're raising a few eyebrows here and there. So you don't realize fully that you're having fun at your fiance's expense; in fact, you're reminding him of where his weakness of faith lies. That's why he's upset.

Facing the truth is scary for most people. And fear breeds anger.

Answer 2

I agree with what a few other people said, get off the computer. Yes, coming on Yahoo answers can be fun and entertaining but this hobby shouldn't take you away from the important people in your lives. You need to sit down with him and have a serious converstation about this. I'm a Christian and I think its okay for people to ask questions. However, there are times when I'm not in the mood for a long, drawn out converstation that might turn into a debate or an arguement. People get very upset when their faith is questioned. Faith is a very personal experience and should be respected. If you love your fiance then you need to talk about this. What if you have children? How would you both want your children to be raised? You have to think about that.

Answer 3

Linz, I've had occasion to answer a few of your questions. I'll tell you the truth, you are the only person I've met here who consistently asks thoughtful, well-structured questions. These are obviously help-me-understand questions, not the usual make-me-laugh questions.

I'm shocked to discover you've committed to marry a Christian. Here's why ...

Christians are commanded not to become unequally yoked. I did it. It didn't work. Compromising deeply held religious beliefs is dangerous. And I'm shocked that you're even asking us questions when you have a Christian right in your midst.

I'm troubled by the way he's reacted to your questions too. A mature Christian has no need to become defensive. Faith is important, but so is knowledge. You cannot teach people your faith and as a Christian that's one thing he's supposed to do – teach.

Here's how to take the anger away ... or at least deflect it away from you. If your fiance doesn't get this, DO NOT marry him. I'm serious. Here we go ...

The bible says the husband is responsible for the spiritual well being of his wife and children. He is the teacher. He is the leader. That you have unanswered questions, that you've come to us for the answers, is a clear indication your fiance is not doing the job God has prescribed for him.

Tell him God has provided other people in your life to help you understand because he has dropped the ball. If he wants to be angry, have him take it up with God.

In closing, let me share with you my favorite biblical knowledge site. The one makes it so easy to understand everything:

http://www.gracethrufaith.com/

God bless!

Answer 4

Well what you have to remember is that Christians are still humans. If we sense our beliefs are being mocked or are under attack, some people can get defensive. It isnt just religion.

What all perspective couples need are to know the good methods of communication. A good marriage is only achieved through among other things, understanding and compromise. And without good communication, those things become distant dreams rather than reality.

Also, if your fiance is a true Christian, he should know better than to marry someone who has weak or non-existant faith. That is nothing personally against you. But the Bible specifically states for us not to marry unbelievers. So for his sake and yours, you may want to reconsider getting into a marriage with someone whom you dont share the same beliefs. It is only going to cause chaos. That very thing happened to my dad and he is divorced now.

Answer 5

I wasn't present at your argument, so I can only make inferences about what went on, and, of course, my advice is worth every penny of what you paid for it. Having said that, I'll venture an opinion.

It may be that he feels threatened by the way you posed your questions. Adopting a stance of "help me understand some questions I've been having" might be the best way to go; that way, you're asking him to help or teach you. It's a simple psychological gambit.

Some of the greatest Christian theologians have wrestled with doubt: St. Augustine of Hippo, for example, changed his mind several times in his lifetime about some pretty major issues.

Your boyfriend is still very young. I think that people get more open to the idea that the Universe isn't the way they've always assumed it to be when they're a bit older and get beaten up by life a bit. When that happens, you get more open to the idea that doubt is a natural thing, and that simply rigidly clinging to a particular set of beliefs isn't necessarily helpful. Being able to reconcile things that are seemingly incompatible with your beliefs and still go on becomes one of the great challenges of life as you get older.

Answer 6

Well.... you do know what to do, you just don't like it emotionally.

It's fine for a man to be passionate about his faith. But to be angry with you for having doubts, is a clear sign he is NOT mature enough for marriage.

He does NOT "think you 'want' to feel the way you feel".
Men are not that complicated.

If a man is angry it's because he's losing, or not getting, something he wants.

What your fiance wants is his faith and a good Christian woman.

When you question your faith it:
A) Means he's not getting the good Christian woman he wants OR
B) It makes him question his faith, which he doesn't want to lose.

Or both.

Before taking on something as tough as marriage, you, my dear, need to resolve your religious issues, and he needs to be secure in his faith and sure that the 'real' you is what he wants.

Answer 7

Your relationship is going to have to come to terms with this vast, basic and essential gulf between the two of you.

If one partner believes in benevolent, yet invisible sky beings and the other is a scientific pragmatist, what lesser things can you actually agree on?

And is both of you liking chocolate ice cream or scary movies enough to base a lifetime on?

Would you put up with your children being indoctrinated into his particular cult? Would he stand by idly while you raised his children as Godless heathens?

I don't see it. Sorry to not be more positive, but maybe you ought to hang out at a library or a university and see if you can find a guy who's intellect has developed beyond the need for hope inspiring fairy tales.

Answer 8

I'm sorry this happened but this is a very important discussion that you and your fiance need to have and get absolutely clear before you get married.

In order for your marriage to succeed you need to be on the same page spiritually or one of both of you will be miserable.

Wait for him to calm down a bit and then start again. I don't know your background at all but I will take a guess that you weren't raised in a christian home. Christians who are raised in Christian homes have their entire lives to learn about and evaluate all the information you've been asking about for the last few weeks.

Try not to sound like you are attacking him. To me you come off as curious and open to the answers so try to approach him in that same manner.

In one of my previous emails I sent you my direct email address. If you need support email me directly.

I'll be praying for you two.

Answer 9

Hi Linz -
Ask him that very question:
-Is there any way to talk to you about this without making you angry? He needs to remember what scripture says about anger!!!

-maybe write out the things that you are uncertain about and go over them together with someone who can explain without getting angry

-It is ok to have doubts that is pretty normal - but there is a difference between doubts and mocking - be careful to respect your fiance's faith so that you are not coming across as putting down the decision he has made to follow Christ

-get this worked out before the wedding! As a Christian your fiance will know that you guys should not be un-equally yoked.

I was not a Christian prior to my marriage. I am eternally grateful that I "figured it out" and realized that I needed Salvation. It would be extremely difficult to be married to someone with a different belief system.

email if you want to talk, I would be glad to share more of my experience with you and help you with Bible study.
God Bless - Redeemed

Answer 10

Pray for him. Pray for yourself also. Now the hard thing. (Thou shalt not be unequally yoked with a non believer.) Feeling has nothing to do with living for Christ. There is a book. Its called the bible. We must live by it. And not by how all the warm fuzzy feelings that we get by certain scriptures make us feel. And especially not by how our concept of God outside the bible makes us feel. Those are called vain philosophies.
If this man will not live according to the truth, you can look forward to a lifetime of trouble, conflict, and put downs by him.

I hate to put it this way but (thems the brakes). It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see how this relationship is going to end up if two people who say that they are Christians, don't agree with the Truth. Especially when the Truth is written out in black and white and Red (read).