I am obsessed with a man that is totally finished with our relationship. I think about it constantly, constantly, contantly. We have been broken up for 2 months or so. We havent spoke for about 3 weeks due to an incident, which he really humilated me infront of his friends and lady friend. I always see her car parked outside his house. He seems to be happy. I know he does not deal with these feelings of misery like I do. I get attention from other men and have gone on dates, but all I can seem to focus on is "What is X doing, who is X talking to." However, I let this situation destroy me. I lay in bed and fret over it. It is ridiculous. This person does not deserve to have this power over me. He is even demeaning to me. He has put me down repeatedly. Why would I desire someone that a)Doesn't want me, b)Is mean to me? It is driving me crazy!!
2007-08-25 04:53:55 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
well i think this man is relly buster because he date you just for sex and he doesnt love you i guess
i dont know if you love him talk with him again
2007-08-25 07:12:27 · answer #1 · answered by killua 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the Been There, Done That club sweetie. I had a bit of a serious thing for my ex when we split a few years ago. I kept thinking that just because we had gotten back together once we could do it again so I kept the lines of communication open. We became bed buddies (even though we lived 400 miles apart!) and every time we met up I kept hoping he would realise what he was missing and ask me to come back. It took three years a lot of alcohol and some depression to finally get him out of my mind and my life for good. I spoke to him for the final time last March and I was able to tell him what I thought of him - nicely of course - and that he should stay away from me, for his own healths sake! Now I know I didn't really love him, I was just afraid to be alone. You need to give Mr X the biggest heave he's ever had in his life and get rid of him from your life. I know it's easy to say all ths standing on the outside but remember, I've been there and I know what that powers feels like when he's sucking it out of you. It's time to take it back and become the Wondergirl you already are. I'm here if you feel like talking to someone who's got the t-shirt - we could set them on fire together if you like :) Take care, XX.
2016-05-17 11:12:52 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's a matter of 'wanting what you can't have', sometimes it's a matter of 'lack of closure', not sure which is the case with you.
I think you need counseling to help you avoid destructive relationships in the future, fill your life with someone else, someone healthy.
Sounds to me like he is either an abuser, a controller, or perhaps he felt like he had to humiliate you in order for you to see that it was over.
My current GF had the same problem, get into a relationship, and never let it go, when we started dating, she said that her 'BF picker' was broken. Sacrifice everything she was and had for the sake of making someone else happy, and never being able to admit that a relationship was over, told me that in order to admit that a relationship didn't work, she would have to admit that maybe she failed at it (regardless of WHY the relationship failed).
Get some counseling, find a nice guy and move forward, I know, I know...easier said than done, but it is imperative that you do that, if not, you are doomed to misery until you do.
2007-08-25 05:06:46 · answer #3 · answered by Michael H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"This person does not deserve to have this power over me." You answered your own question with that statement. This person really doesn't deserve to have this power over you, so don't give your power away to him. Life is too short to obsess on one person. It sounds to me like you are obsessed with a man who does not want you because you don't think you deserve a real relationship with a man. This happens a lot in dysfunctional relationships such as extramarital affairs. "The other woman" who is having an affair with an unavailable man usually does not feel she deserves to have a man of her own. This self esteem problem stems from childhood. It's called "The Oedipus complex" in psychology terms. Take a look back at your childhood. Was there a parent who did not offer enough nurturing or love to you? If so, it can cause this complex and it is often brought into adult relationships.
It's important to understand that some men out there enjoy playing games with women, and they get perverse satisfaction from seeing them hurt and jealous. You don't want to be one of those abused women, do you? I'm sure the thought of "X" having a great time with his lady friend and laughing at your pain angers you immensely. Use those feelings of anger to remove yourself from the relationship entirely. Make a promise to yourself starting TODAY that you are done with "X" and that you will not attempt to contact him in any way, shape or form (no letters, emails, phone calls - nothing!). No more drive bys outside his house - this only fuels the obsession!! Try not to even wonder what he is up to, who he is talking to, or if he is happy with his lady friend. If he has made it clear that he is finished with your relationship, then you need to believe him and face reality. Just keep yourself busy at all times - go out with friends a lot, hang out with family, and find things to keep you occupied - hobbies, shopping, spring cleaning, or decorating. Keeping yourself busy will help you to become less focused on him. And by going out with your friends more often, you might find someone new who you can have a real relationship with.
Good luck to you. I hope you successfully back out of this relationship and the misery that it is causing you.
2007-08-26 03:31:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the fact that you said you always see her car outside, sounds like you drive by his house...if that's what you've been doing, stop. I hope you don't talk to him anymore either---I think that you don't know your own worth--you are worth more than this. One thing that may help is to try and get your mind off of it. Don't let yourself fret over what he's doing. Believe it or not, we have more control our thoughts than we think. Choose not to think about what he's doing, and don't create scenarios in your mind either lol Talk to people about your feelings, those close to you; let them know what's going on--it sounds like you have a lot of time on your hands, so get out there and start accomplishing some things in YOUR life...what are some goals YOU have? What are some things YOU'd like to do? Travel? A career ambition? Focus on you instead of him...you'll be all right, just choose not to waste your time---YOU've got to choose...Good Luck!!!!
2007-08-25 05:13:57 · answer #5 · answered by Frenchie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
women want what they cannot have. you might also have obsessive-compulsive disorder. give it time, you will get over him. it doesn't look like it is possible to mend the relationship. don't take his actions personally. he doesn't seem like a nice guy at all if what you are saying is really true. let him live his life as a a** and realize that you are better than him and you don't need friends like him.
2007-08-25 05:02:42 · answer #6 · answered by miguel f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a similar situation for many years, and it's destructive humiliating and exhausting.
I read all the comments and trying to find a solution. I have tried them all. Including therapy.
I even changed my phone number . Two years went by , when I thought I was fine he contacted me via email. I was weak and eventually responded.
I thought we could be friends. That theory does not work.
2014-02-27 01:56:44 · answer #7 · answered by CLARA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not obsessed with HIM. You are obsessed with the unjustified humiliation left unpunished by someone who ONCE you thought he loves you.
Swallow the pain, and stand up !
Open up again to life, and next time try to have the right choice.
2007-08-25 05:02:44 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Dragon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're obsessing over a man who doesn't deserve you. Work on your self esteem. Be glad that he's out of your life. Get therapy!
2007-08-25 04:59:57 · answer #9 · answered by justme 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you get over him? The fact that he doesn't care about you and is mean to you etc should totally turn you off from him... Hold your head high and move on... He knows you're obsessed and he does you that.. If he sees you don't carre either he won't do that crap... Dont care about his @$$..
2007-08-25 05:00:55 · answer #10 · answered by hottie7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are obsessed to have someone that you know don't want you. Give yourself a break you deserve better then this.
2007-08-25 04:59:57 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋