What do you think of this situation? (has to do with molestation)?

Question

I was 8 and my brother was 12yrs old and he had molested me for almost a year, this wasn't curiosity, it was sick, disgusting things. I kept it a secret until I was 22yrs old and then I confronted him with what he did, I also told my parents and my grandmother, they seemed to blow it off and it doesn't seem to have bothered them one bit. My other brother that wasn't involved with it told my husband and parents that I was asking for it and that I instigated it all, well I have no recolection of instigating it, only memories of hating it and crying when he wouldn't stop, along with many other details, my two brothers are really close, I am f@#&ing mad and I don't see how an 8 yr old child could be the one that started it all and now my brother thinks he is in the clear and didn't do anything wrong, What do you think?

Am I even able to go to the police since it was when we were children and it happened 15 yrs ago?

I have been in counceling for years about this and my other brother just said this to my husband on wed., other than that it has been a wound I have been trying to heal and I am pissed b/c now this is being said.

My husband hates what happend to me and he is there for me and we are trying to get through this together

Rebecca= let me tell you again, it wasn't curiosity, believe me I don't think YA will let me write what he did to me. Curiosity is when your taking a shower and your brother sneeks in and pulls open the shower curtain, you scream and he gets into trouble, then he learns that it is wrong, curiosity is not waiting till everyone goes to sleep then comming into your room and covering up your mouth and then touching and putting things in places where they don't belong when it comes to children. I feel bad for you, that you don't know what curiosity really is.

I do not assosiate myself with my brothers or my father. My father, I will name him "Scott" I beleive is the reason my brother did this to me, he supplied all the pornography and magazines, and never hid them they were always sitting out in his room, so my brother had contact to these things all the time, My parents are divorced and back then Scott made homemade videos with my step-mother and had those redily available to my brother, the jerk never locked them up or hid them. Then When I told Scott, he said to me "kids will be kids". Talk about sick! I could not believe that my own father would say that, but I have not talked to him in almost 2 yrs and I don't care to.

Answer 1

You did nothing wrong and dont let then push you into thinking you did. Your brother is sick and twisted and your family does not want to face up to the truth that they have disfunction in their family!! Go talk to a therapist to help you work it all out!!!

Answer 2

Hon, an eight yr. old has no knowledge of what sex even is so don't buy that s*** that you instigated it. There's no way. Your brother should be a man and admit to it. If he did it to you there's always the possibility he'll do it to someone else, if he hasn't already. Get yourself some counseling. It will help some for you to cope with this episode. Also I think you should turn him in for molestation. I know that is hard, but it really needs to be done. You may be saving an other little girl from the same fate. As for your parents, they just can't accept the truth so they'll ignore it and hope it goes away. This is something that never goes away. All you can do is learn to live with it. Get help asap or it can eat away at you until you think you're going crazy. Wish you peace of mind and hope you can overcome this tragic incident. As for your brother, tough luck to him who preys on young girls. The bas%*%*.

Answer 3

I think that you have done a great thing by confronting him and telling the truth to your family.

I also think that you should let go of any hope of reconciliation with your brothers. Abusers rarely admit they are wrong at the time of the abuse, much less after a dozen years. Your brother(s) is going to find a way to justify it in his own mind, so he doesn't feel like a creep when he has to face himself in the mirror.

However, giving up hope of reconciliation with them/him does NOT mean you just have to deal with this and forget it.

I do not know what the statute of limitations is on this type of abuse, especially since you were both minors at the time. I do think, though, that you should call a lawyer and find out. It can definitely help you in your healing process.

I hope your husband is being supportive and not buying into the " she started it" theory. Anyone with common sense knows that most 8-year-olds are not sexual in nature, and do not ask for sexual favors.

If you have been in counseling for years over this, and have not come to terms with it yet, you may consider a different counselor. It may be you need someone that specializes in sexual abuse or child molestation.

I think part of the comments your brother made to your husband are because they know they can get to you ... and you are letting it happen. You need to find a way to disassociate yourself from them, so that you don't look at them as being personal to you. Once you manage that, their accusations and remarks will be less hurtful to you.

Good luck in finding inner peace!

Answer 4

Elizabeth...you need support from a counselor. It's obvious that your family won't give it to you. Some families don't like to even bother with the idea of a molester within, so they ignore the problem, while the victims is left by his/herself alone.
You were only eight years old and didn't in any shape or form asked for it. It's insane just to think about it.
The first step for your recovery, was acknowledging that was not right and not asked.
I hope the best for you...

Sweet Dragon...I'm sorry but you can't tell the victim..bohoho..it happened and you understood? what type of analysis is this. Just like I said, is making the offender the victim , and the victim a nuisance.
The memories she holds inside, will no go away until she gets help. Though, is not to be treated as she waited for long and did not talk about it, so let's not invalidate her emotions.
When, my husband died, I went numb, for more that five years, then something happened that triggered my emotions, and started to hurt. So, it's normal for an individual that suffers a trauma to SHUT DOWN!!! Imagine a child of just eight years of age, plus you don't know if she was threatened to shut up.

Answer 5

Oh baby. I had that same thing, only I was 4 and my brother was 14.

You have some choices to make. Telling relatives and friends is not going to help you recover from this. You need to speak to a counselor who can help you discover a way to deal with this and heal. You can take it to the law, but because you both were so young, I'm not sure how that would turn out.

Men rarely think they did anything wrong when it comes to sex. That includes incest, infidelity, and having sex with minors.

The anger and abuse you feel can affect your own relationships and the tools you need to put this behind you are there in the form of ways to think about what has happened and the way others react to your story.

You are not alone in this one. It is very common and not too many girls are willing to speak about it because it is quite embarassing. But when it can not be resolved on it's own, then you need to really speak to someone who you trust that can give you the answers you need in order to move forward.

There is no way in this creation that this was your fault. It was just a weak male forcing his blooming sexuality on you. My guess is that he is still impulsive and lacks self control.

Another thing to think about is if he might be molesting others; his own children, yours, neighbors, or other relatives. That formative age when he abused you may have continued into his adult years. Be watchful and if you feel funny about a situation he is in with another female, be smart and protect her/him. His abuse may carry over to males as well. It can be something an adult learns to conceal well to avoid being caught. Trust your instincts on this one and keep vigilant.

E mail me if you would like. I will help in any way I can.

Answer 6

your family is closing ranks because they dont want anyone in the family to be in trouble with the police or face jail.
But this does not make what happened to you ok. You were a little girl and it is the job of older brothers and adults to protect children.
You were betrayed aand violated by your brother and now the rest of the family is betraying you.
You should get some counselling to help you come to terms with what has happened to you both in the past and how your family is reacting now.
You may need to think about family implications if you involve the police, but I'm not saying it would be wrong to do so if you decide that is what you want.
I hope you manage to come to terms with the past, and dont let the immature and selfish actions of an adolescant spoil the rest of your life.

Answer 7

You are right, and they are wrong, dead wrong.

There is no way an 8 yr old can instigate anything sexual. You don't even know what sex is. Is a child being a whore for wearing a sun dress? No, absolutely not. What your brother did was absolutely wrong, and he needs to make ammends. Unfortunately, you have no proof of this, but I would suggest going to a counselor, and finding out what your options are.

Also, think about this, if he was willing to do this to you, how do you know he hasn't done this to others, and is still doing this to this day without anyone's knowledge? The boy is ill, and needs help.

Answer 8

Your not alone in fact you could start your own suppot group for survivers to help others get past it ... here is a Poem and a prayer I hope may help ...

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed
to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably
more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never
been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

The prayer of St. Francis says it best...
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Answer 9

I think there is no way an 8 year old girl brought this on herself!

Your feelings and your hurt are completely valid, and your family's action is a second betrayal on top of the original molestation. You showed courage in telling them. Anybody who says "you should have told sooner" is a flaming idiot who's never been there.

Your parents are in denial, and they're supporting the wrong kid here. I'm so sorry.

Since your family (except for your husband) is no help here, I strongly suggest that YOU seek some counseling. You have some issues to work through, and your relatives aren't going to be of aid in that.

Answer 10

I'm not saying anything is wrong with you. With such a traumatic experience, I think talking to a counselor would help you out emotionally and mentally.

I think this situation is F***ED UP! Your parents and your grandmother who didn't do a F*** about it are F***ED UP. Your other brother who wasn't involved but is siding with his F***ED UP brother is also F***ED UP. Report it to the cops.



Chop off their penis so they can f*** themselves with it. (Don't)

Edit:
Her father, mother, grandmother, and brothers...I wouldn't consider them family at all if that's what family is. They have shown themselves not worthy of being her family. Family doesn't watch you get hurt and not give a FAT F**K about it. Family doesn't hurt you. It has been over a decade and none of them can realize what the F*** was wrong with what happened. Why give a fat f*** about them when they were never there for her when she needed them?

How would you feel if you have the people that you thought were the closest to you betray you...hurt you...violate you...disrespect you...humiliate you?

She may not be able to do anything reporting them now, but at least she can request for a restraining order to keep them away so they won't interfere with her real family and new life now.

Answer 11

I think that people deal with things in all kinds of stupid ways that they will later regret. I would avoid contact with anyone who is harmful to you.

Saying that an 8 yr. old instigated getting sexually molested is hideous and stupid. What happened was wrong and shouldn't have happened. I am sorry.

You deserved to be kept safe, loved and cherished. Make sure you give this to yourself now. Do be a victim to these insane attitudes or tolerate any more crap from these jerks. Do not defend, do not argue, just protect yourself from any more harm. You cannot change what happened, what they say or what they do. You can change their ability to cause you any more harm and your ability to live your dream. This is your life. Take it back and live it like you deserve.