Does Anyone Besides Me Think Too Much Time & Money Is?

Question

spent on the wedding and not enough time is spent on planning for the "marriage"? It's not about the wedding....it's about what comes after the wedding.

Fizzystuff....then I'm not talking about those people....

Answer 1

I absolutely agree with you! I think that pre-marital counselling should be mandatory before even obtaining a marriage licence. Too many couples go into debt to have the perfect wedding. The stress and burden of being in debt is not a good way to begin your life together.

Answer 2

My opinion is this...for me and me only (because I don't care what anyone else does with their wedding plans)...I will be 38 years old when I marry for the first time in February...it is my fiance's 1st marriage also. We are paying for our own version of a dream wedding, which I suspect will cost us about $40,000 by the time its all said and done. We are also building our dream home, and it doesn't concern you or anyone else how we are paying for it, or the preparations we/ve made for our life together.

My finace is a successful bisuness owner who works 7 days a week to earn his money, and I'm also a professional. We've waited a long time for this wedding and kissed alot of frogs to find my prince, so if we want a blow out wedding, truly, that is our business...and our wedding is no reflection, positive or negative, on our marriage or the love we share as a couple. If I sound aggravated, I am....topo many people feel free on here to tell someone they're wasting their money when they have no idea about the person's financial status.

Answer 3

I'm with Fizzystuff.

Yes, there are people who spend a lot more time and effort on the wedding than they do on the marriage, but there are also those who have decided together that a big wedding is important to them as a symbol of what their marriage will be, and people who spend virtually no money on the wedding but still put no thought or effort into the marriage.

While it's a popular theory that the price tag of the wedding is in direct inverse proportion to the consideration a couple puts into the marriage, the evidence doesn't pan out. It's a crap shoot either way.

The only reason I would ever advise someone to scale down their wedding plans is if they honestly cannot afford them or if they actually don't want the wedding that big and expensive, but have been swept up in someone else's plans for them.

I would always advise a couple to put their primary efforts into a good marriage over a fancy wedding, but the two are not mutually exclusive. There are plenty of couples who manage to have both.

The asker has made a broad, sweeping generalization. People who make them are all too often looking for mere confirmation of their own limited views rather than reasoned discourse on a question. If you don't want nuance or disagreement, talk to people who already agree with you, not a public forum full of people with wide experience and varying opinion.

Answer 4

Half of marriages end in divorce. Some of these folks had large, expensive weddings. So yes, these folks did spend too much time and money on their wedding, and not enough on their marriage.

However, as Fizzystuff and Gileswench point out, when you see someone on this board planning a large, expensive wedding, you can't automatically assume they're not spending enough time planning for marriage. They may or may not be. As Gileswench said, time and expense spent on the wedding, and time and effort spent on the marriage are not necessarily inversely proportional.

Furthermore, some of the people who spent a lot of money on the wedding can't afford it, while some can. We should not automatically assume that whenever we see someone on this board who spent a lot of money on their wedding that they cannot afford it.

Answer 5

I couldn't agree with you more. A wedding should be about the vows and the committment of husband and wife. The flowers, dress, cake, etc. has taken too much significance. Especially when you consider that over half of all marriages end in divorce. And the absurd amount of money that is spent on all the festivities could be invested in a new home or college tution fund for future children.

Answer 6

Yes, the marriage is important.

But, the wedding is important, also. My wedding took alot of planning and wasn't cheap but I wouldn't have traded it in for anything. It was a wonderful day for my and my husband's families and friends to come together, get to know one another better, and celebrate the joining of my husband and me in marriage.

You can always make money to spend on a house or whatever but you can't go back and get another special wedding day. You only get one and it should be special in some way.

I think there are definitely people who focus too much on the wedding and not on the marriage - too bad for them, but what are you going to do?

And for anyone who thinks that they can go into a marriage knowing everything about their future spouse - good luck with that, I think you are in for a big surprise! My husband and I dated for four years before we married (just celebrated our 7th anniv.) and I am still learning new things about him.

Answer 7

You are absolutely correct, with that said you should of had the courting period to figure that out. Your wedding is one day and somewhat expensive not a big deal. I just recently got married alittle over a year ago. We have been together for almost 10years and I wish I could do it all over again. It was the best day ever. And we have a wonderful marriage.

Answer 8

heck...I think too much time is spend figuring out how to milk the guests for all they got. "how can I ask for money" "we already live together and dont want another toaster, how do I ask for money instead" " if it ok to do a honeymoon registry" "how much can i expect to get from my guests, I want to put a down payment on a house" " so-and-so came to my wedding and didnt give me a gift, should I confront them" like my god...if your worried about money then skip the wedding and buy yourself whatever you want. I'm not about to by your honeymoon or pay the deposit on your home becuase you invited me to dinner. I'll bring you a gift becuase I want to, not because I feel like I have to and your gift will be whatever I choose to give you, not whatever you tell me I should give you. I dont send you a slip of paper with the RSVP stating what I expect to eat and drink all night so dont tell me what I have to give you. god I hate wedding anymore. do people even remember why they are getting married in the first place?

Answer 9

On the one hand, I agree 110%. But on the other hand, I totally understand a young (or not so young) woman wanting to be the star of a once-in-a-lifetime grand pageant, to be groomed and dressed as elaborately as a real princess (and have a professional photo session to record it), to be the center of attention at a fancy ball -- what girl WOULDN'T want that?

Years ago, girls (at least upper class girls) had Coming Out recptions, huge Sweet Sixteen parties, Debutante Parties, and so on. Today's girls, the closest they get to being "the Princess Star" is being elected "Radish Queen" for a small town parade, or perhaps a one week reign as "Homecoming Queen" in college. And few of us have the beauty and popularity to even get those honors.

So we make up for it with our weddings.

Answer 10

I agree completely.
Personally I think fancy weddings are blah anyway. I'd like a Vegas wedding.... to someone I know all about and have worked on a future with, not someone I've worked on a 30 min ceremony with.