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Question

1.A man walked into a bar and ordered a twelve-year old scotch. As the bartender was busy, he decided to serve the guy whatever he had under his hand.

The fellow took a sip, spat it out, and told the bartender, "I asked for a twelve-year old scotch and not a three year-old one."

When the bartender heard that, he checked the bottle and was amazed that the fellow was right -- he had served him a three-year old scotch. The bartender wanted to see how good the fellow was, so he served him another scotch, this one a six-year old.

The guy had a sip and spat it out, complaining, "I asked for a twelve-year old scotch and not a six-year old one."

The bartender was surprised by how good this fellow was. So the barman decided to play one more little game. He served the customer a nine-year-old scotch instead of a twelve-year old one as requested.

The fellow had a sip and spat it out, stating, "I think I asked for a twelve-year old scotch and not a nine-year old one."

The barten

2.bartender was very impressed and finally served him the demanded twelve-year-old scotch.

The customer took a sip and added, "This is what I asked in the first place."

At the end of the counter sat a man who had witnessed this scene. He sent a tumbler to the scotch expert and asked him to have a sip.

The fellow did so and spat it out and said, "Good Lord, that's piss."


The other man added, "Now tell me how old I am."

3.A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."

The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church.

So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'"

The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."

The father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."

4.A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.
The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

5.An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.

"Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" the officer said.

The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

"He said you were speeding!" the old man yelled.

The patrolman then asked, "May I see your license?"

The woman turned to her husband again,

"What did he say?"

The old man yelled back, "He wants to see your license!"

The woman then gave the officer her license.

"I see you are from Arkansas," the patrolman said. "I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband again and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man replied, "He said he knows you!"

Sorry about the No. 2 joke.It's supposed to be the 1st joke.
Here's the fifth and last joke for the day.

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that he could recognize any animal’s skin by feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole.

This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on. They blindfolded him and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Springbok." Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "And it was shot with a .22 rifle."

He was right! The others could not believe it and the argument was even hotter than before. When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared t

prepared to do it again for another round. So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in the trunk of his car.

He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion." Fingering the bullet hole, he added, "The rifle was a .308."

He was right again! This only made the crowd more curious, and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every time winning a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I didn’t get into a fight. So where did I get this black eye?"

His wife replied angrily, "From me!"

"What did I do?" he asked.

She replied, "You got into bed and put your hand inside my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced, 'Skunk, killed with an ax!'"

What do you mean,both?

Answer 1

haha! funny! :]

Answer 2

Excellent I heard all of em except the bartender one, still funny as ever, cheers for a good larf ty mate star for u

Answer 3

I had read the first three, but really liked the last one.
"Skunk, killed with an ax".That was funny.

Answer 4

Pretty funny. I haven't heard of either before. Good job! Here ya go!

Answer 5

I have heard both of them before, so wasn't really up to my amusement. Good jokes though

Answer 6

I really like the second one.

Answer 7

haha i liked the second one

Answer 8

Ha!

Answer 9

wow its long but worth it

Answer 10

cool

Answer 11

they're all pretty good!
teeheehee
thanks
here's your star