I started talking to a girl whom in a abusive relationship what should i do and how should i proceed?

Question

I just recently send a letter to a old from friend from elementary school i had a crush on she respond but the problem is she is in an abusive relationship and she also has a 4 year old son that witness this guy pushing his mom im the new guy in the middle i really like her alots but i smell alots drama because her and the guy lives together but she comes over and see me because she dont really wants to be with him it only been a few days so far she havent asked for any money or anything except my open ear she bought her son over but of course we didnt do anything sexually we just kissed a few times she says she likes me too im not sure when too tell her too leave him and what is the time limit i should give her i have my own place and we both the same age 26 years old i know this is alots drama for me to deal with but i dont want to pass on her because i like her alots what should i do and how should i proceed

Answer 1

It sounds like you need to distance yourself from her until she gets her life in order. If this guy is so bad why does she let her son witness this abuse. If you are going to stay in this be prepared for lots of drama. Proceed slowly you don't want to get abused yourself. He hits her in front of a child, doesn't sound like he would have a problem hitting you too.

Answer 2

If your 100% sure that the abuse is actually happening, you get her out of it as soon as you can. Moreso for the kid's sake, not hers. She should have left herself by now. You make sure she or the kid remain unhurt, and you sit her down. Talk to her, tell her she's going to be in a worse situation the longer she stays there, and offer to take her and the kid it. If this guy is really abusive, do this whenever you can, and be careful. This sort of thing can be very edgy, no answers here will be able to help you that much I imagine, since none of us know this man, the girl, or the kid. The situation is distant. You need to make your own choice. Depending on how severe the problem is with this guy, and to what degree he's being abusive.

Answer 3

OK,
1st
If she is in an abusive relationship she should leave it.You could help her find a small place for her & her child.There is no way she should stay

2nd
You could wait for her to get her head around things that are happening & be there for her,tell her you will do all you can for her(anything lawful)

3rd
After a few weeks if things have settled down for her talk to her about your feelings towards each other & take it from there but dont rush into a relationship take your time.
4th
You may find out that she may not want a sexual relationship with you after all,just stay friends with each other.You could need her help one day

Good Luck

Answer 4

This woman is making a choice in staying with her guy, abusive relationship or not. She is putting the life of her kid in danger by staying with him - that's something you should seriously consider when dealing with her. She obviously doesn't seem capable of prioritizing correctly, and be it because of some sort of "hold" he has on her or for other reasons, you really can't be sure.

Basically, I wouldn't get too involved with her until she breaks off all ties with this other guy 100% on her own. If she does it any other way, it won't be genuine - and there are plenty of avenues for women in abusive relationships to take. If she opts against it, then you can see how much she cares for you - and herself, and her son. Be very careful and best of luck!

Answer 5

This is more complicated than her "just leaving". If she leaves him then it has to be because she is ready too. Relationships like this develop a pattern of behaviour and it can become 'addictive' for both parties. You are actually complicating her situation even more as you have placed yourself in the role of being "her Rescuer" and this continues to keep her disenabled to look after herself and her son. By this I mean that she needs to 'enable' herself to make life survival choices that most of us take for granted.
You need to look at your motives in this as well. If you feel 'good' about 'helping her' then you are acting upon your own reasons and not what is in her and her son's best interests.
For a relationship to have a good foundation then the people in it should not carry baggage from a past relationship into it. It is approximately one (1) month for each year to move through the phases to regain one's own self identity seperate from the identity of being one of a couple.
What she needs to do is find a local Abused Women's help group so she can get professional advice and counselling. Just leaving her partner/father of her son and moving in with you will only cause a whole new set of problems.
Be her friend, support her in finding a counsellor/group for support and help. Help her to become her own self again. If you have been sexually active then you are adding guilt to the mix of problems she is in as well. I suggest you seek expert advice also so you can be effective in helping her to become an enabled adult again.
Good Luck

Answer 6

Well if you really care about her then your first plan of action needs to be to report the abuse that her spouse is commiting to her! If he is abusing her she is most likely not going to have the guts to stand up to him and say she's leaving. You cannot expect her to do this on her own and she will need help.

Also, you need to first find out form her if she likes you back. You can't just expect her to pick up her life and bring it to you because you like her. And think about her son aswell. She needs to do what is best for her son and jumping from one relationship right into another might not be healthy for a four year old.

But all in all, defintally report this! If you care about her you will get her out of this situation as fast as you can before serious damage is caused. Or before this spouse begins to harm the little boy aswell.

Answer 7

nobody needs to be in an abusive relationship...if u think u can take him then whoop him...but try not to do that unless it calls for it,like if u see him do it or somethin...it is never too soon to tell her to leave him,just tell her that even if u guys dont get together u still dont want her to be in that kind of place.or her son.if she says yes and if she will stay with u then go with her to her house and get her and her sons stuff while he isnt home. cause nobody needs to be in something like that.it will be easier for her to leave him if she has someone who is willing to be there for her through it all and stand up to him with her,show her that u can take care of them.good luck n hope it all works out for you

Answer 8

Ur concerns r genuine, scars of an abusive relationship r for life, may be ur sensitivity n care attracted her to u, with u she felt really safe, wanted n protected with respect to the kid as well, just be her rock solid support she missed all these years

Answer 9

stand up for the woman you love and her child. be a real man. let her deal with the d**k head. you be there for her. tell her how you feel. if the sob comes around to where you guys are , deal with it or call the cops. i really believe you two belong together.
ps if hes real abusive, you might want to tell her to sneak out and you meet up with her, that way she wont be in any direct danger.
good luck.

Answer 10

So this woman is telling you all this, cheating on her significant other and you are falling for it hook, line and sinker. You've never seen the abuse so you don't know it's really happening. If she didn't like the guy, she wouldn't be with him. Don't get in the middle, you will lose out.