I have divorced her abusive father. Life with him was terrible. It seems that she still favors him and now he has a new gf who calls and likes to talk with her. My daughter is now angry with me and copping an attitude because I have expressed concern about her getting too close to this woman (his new gf) that we barely know! She has actually cried. I told her my reasons. My daughter and I have always been good friends, it just seems that, even though her dad was abusive, she always favors him, and now this other woman complicates things. I don't know what to do.
2007-08-24 17:53:00 · 7 answers · asked by A G 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i had an abusive father, wish my mum had have divorced him....but no, I grew up in a home of violence and it has stuffed all my future relationships. You did the best thing by getting away from him, for your daughters sake, but it seems perhaps a little too late. Seeing from your daughters eyes as having been there, if the father showed no love to her as she was growing up, her goal is to get it !!!! only when she feels dad loves her will she feel complete. I just hope she doesn't do as i did.......choose abusive men in future relationships trying to win that love. You did what was best, she just has to find that out herself at some time...Dont allianate yourself from her by putting down the dad and new gf, just let her know you love her and are always there for her, she will need your shoulder one day to cry on. I think perhaps u are a bit jealous of your daughters relationship with the new gf, you should be glad shes not a wicked stepmum !. she probably wont last long anyway if he is that abusive, his true colours will show thru soon.. Hope it all works out for you and your daughter....
2007-08-24 18:18:11 · answer #1 · answered by aussiechick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter probably wasn't the one being abused, so she misses him. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.
It is only a matter of time before the GF falls into the abuse cycle with your EX... they are probably in that "Prince Charming" phase before he starts stripping all her self respect. Hopefully the GF will express this to your daughter as it goes down. It will probably be an eye opener.
The reason you don't want to interfere with this relationship with the GF is the same reason you don't try to forbid your daughter to hang out with a given kid. If you make it forbidden, it is more attractive.
Give it all some space, and when your daughter is ready, she can talk to you about what all she is up to. Keep it light and social so she will open up. "Is everyone over there doing okay?"
2007-08-25 02:31:41 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess he has visitation privileges? Whatever the court ordered for him, you have to do.
But his gf is not the same. She has no rights to your daughter. If your ex wants to have his visitation time with the gf present, there's nothing you can do unless you can persuade the court to do something about it. But you do have the right to control who calls or visits your daughter at home, besides her father. So, tell her that the woman is her dad's gf, and she's an adult that you don't know, and you don't want her to call at the house. If she socializes with your daughter while she is visiting her dad, so be it.
Teens often cop attitudes if they think it will get them what they want. But you are still the parent. She doesn't get to do everything she wants; that's life.
2007-08-25 01:16:26 · answer #3 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are doing everything you can as a mother. but there also comes a time when you need to back off and let her learn from her mistakes. she's old enough for that. your ex husband could be using your daughter against you in order to isolate you again. abusers do that. so you need to continue being there for your daughter because there may be a time when she will need you the most.
2007-08-25 01:08:41 · answer #4 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should make it very clear to her that you left for a reason.She needs to understand that men shoul never hit women no matter what. i was just like her i always wanted daddy no matter what,when i found out that my mother left for all of us to have a better life i became to understand her reasons more.put your foot down and explain to her that its your house and tell that women to have some respect for you as a mother not just her bf ex,your house your ballpark..dont ever feel guilty for leaving that man show your daughter women are more than punching bags..best of luck to you.
2007-08-25 02:17:09 · answer #5 · answered by crissannvalenzuela 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Youre jealous and your going to push her further away if you try to interfere. You have to accept the fact thats the only father she will ever have and the fact his girlfriend cares about her. Would you rather she was mean to her? Let go and let her choose who she loves and doesnt love. Or she will push you so far away your head will spin.
2007-08-25 01:02:03 · answer #6 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
id call the new girlfriend and tell her off thats not right . or go to her and beat the crap ot of her. yea do that
2007-08-25 01:01:53 · answer #7 · answered by DeeDee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋