Inviting Kids To The Wedding?

Question

Is it rude not to invite certain children to my wedding reception?

Currently, I have 15 children invited to my wedding. They are all family members; nieces, nephews, first cousins of my Fi and I.

My friend (w/ no children) says it's rude not to invite the children of our friends and co-workers.

The cost of a child's plate at my reception site is $30. If we invite the children of friends and co-workers I'll have to add 20 kids. Having 15 kids will cost me about $500, but having 35 will cost me $1000. That's a huge difference. Our wedding already costing us A LOT b/c we have 130 guests. We orginally had list of 150-160, but we had to cut 30 adults b/c the cost was getting crazy.

This is really an issue of cost. But, we need to have our family there. My family is very important to me. Our neices and nephews are very close to us and we are huge figures in their lives. Our friend's children, not so much. We see them, but we're not close.

So, what to do?


I mean, it's not like I'm close to these children. They really don't know us anymore then "Mommy's friend from work" or "Daddy's college roommate"

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Answer 1

It is perfectly acceptable to be selective in the children that you invite to your wedding. The children you have invited are all relatives of yours and your fiance and they should be in attendance. The children of your friends need not be invited and you should not feel bad about it.

Answer 2

With kids, it is all or nothing. Some families have kids older and younger than 8 -- obviously you can't have one sibling and not the other. Besides, with an age cut off you can get into the "well, they will be 8 in a month..." and then where do you draw the line? It is tacky to invite some and not others. You can very easily say no kids, and most parents will take it as a great night off and a mini-vacation. You can have kids and hire a babysitter for the young ones. What I don't think you need is a seperate meal and buffet. Honestly, I have rarely seen a seperate buffet or plate for children. What a huge added expense. Polite children will know how to pick through a buffet or plated dinner, and in the end, they only want the cake. They'll be fine. Again...pick one or the other, and skip the seperate meal.

Answer 3

The problem is that you are creating a double standard. When your friends/coworkers see other children at the reception (family or not), I guarantee they will be mad!

It is absolutely rude to pick and choose which children you will allow. If budget is a concern, invite fewer people overall. if I were a coworker, I would rather not get an invite, than to get one that is conditional.

This is said with no ill intentions, but people who don't have children don't understand. It would be hurtful. Some can take it very personally. BUT, that said, here's the flip side. As a mom of 2, I can tell you that many parents would not bring their children anyway! I'd much rather get a sitter. You are also assuming all 35 kids will come. First rule of invitations.....not all will come!

Honestly, in the scheme of things, I think you should just extend the invitations to all. You obviously don't mind having kids there entirely. That would be a whole other topic! lol

Just depends on your priorities. In my opinion, I'd rather have the people there to share the day with me. After all, isn't that what's really important?

Good luck!

Answer 4

According to Emily Post's 'Etiquette', it's rude to write "No Children" on your invitations. She suggests either to include a note with the invitation to those who will be most understanding, explaining the situation of the cost of having children attend the reception, or to talk to them personally and hope they understand and oblige. However, if you do this, you should not make exceptions. Outside of your own children or your own brothers and sisters, you must refrain from inviting one child under your age limit, or the hurt feelings incurred will far outweigh the money saved. If this is not possible, you'll have to budget in the cost of the possible number of children.

If you think it may be way out of your budget, consider cutting down the guest list to immediate friends and family, in the assumption that these people will be bringing their children. By doing this and leaving out co-workers and more distant relatives or friends, feelings shouldn't be hurt, as most people understand a bride and groom wanting a smaller, more intimate ceremony.

Answer 5

It's not rude not to invite children. Invitations are the prerogative of the bride and groom. If children are not invited, they should not go. If the parents are unhappy about their children not being invited, then they should RSVP they are not going. The bridal couple have a budget to stick to and if anyone's not happy about their children not invited, should not attend.

Answer 6

If you don't want them at the wedding reception, then just say so in your invitation. Check out theknot.com as to the best phrasing/handling of this. It's acceptable to not invite them. It's your wedding anyway, and no one else has a say in what you should do.

Answer 7

I invited my coworkers, but none brought any kids -- they would have thought it was rude. And their kids would have been bored out of their mind.

There is no reason you should 'babysit' their kids just because you invited them to your wedding. But be prepared for some of them to not be able to make it due to not having child care -- some parents won't hire a babysitter and expect to bring their kids everywhere with them.

Keep in mind, many of them would see this as a nice reason for an evening out.

Answer 8

It's your wedding, and you are entitled to invite whomever you choose. It's nobody else's business, and it's certainly not appropriate for people to express their disagreement with your choices. You don't have to try to explain or justify why you want to invite these kids and not those kids. I repeat, it's nobody else's business.

It's your wedding. Do what you want. Don't listen to unsolicited comments and advice, and don't explain your decisions to anybody either.

When I got married I didn't invite children for the same reasons you aren't, and some people complained to me about it. I told them that they were free to decline the invitation if they objected. Nobody declined and everybody shut up.

Answer 9

cut your cloth to suit your means.

Ive never seen 130 guests at a sit down meal. That's ludicrous. It's usually family and closest friends only.

Not inviting children causes rows and resentment, Ive seen it happen.

Answer 10

If you are the host of the party, you can invite whatever guests you choose.