Rehersal dinner....HELP!!!!?

Question

Okay so here is the deal...my mom and i aren't seeing eye to eye on this one....his parents have agreed to pay for the rehearsal dinner, they don't have alot of money and they said they could do this for us....now my mom is changing her mind and wants to invite HER out of town guests...but only a select few...i say if you invite on you have to invite them all, and you would have to include EVERYONES out of town guest not just hers....and she doesn't understand why im getting so upset over this, i don't want to take advantage of his parents especially since i know that paying for this isn't going to be easy for them...ive told my mom that if she wants her people to go (at least 30) that MAYBE she could pay for them...but she won't call his mom to ask...i feel its not me wanting them to come its her...she should have to ask right???am i being totally unreasonable??? please help....what would you do??? add at least 30 more people, or just leave it as family and the bridal party???

Answer 1

Let me get this straight. Mr. & Mrs. Hisside were hosting (and paying for) a dinner for the wedding party ( a small select group even at a fairly large wedding, I presume?) when suddenly one of their guests, a Mrs. Herside, issued unauthorized invitations of her own to people who don't seem to be part of the wedding party at all ... and further, Mrs. Herside refuses to contact the Hisside couple and seek authorization or otherwise discuss the matter?

Either Mrs. Herside has taken temporary leave of her senses or there is more to this than you have stated in your submission.

Answer 2

I think 30 people who are not even involved in the wedding is a bit much. it is turning the rehearsal into a mini reception. Normally you would invite out of town guest, but usually it is immediate family such as grandparents aunts or uncle. If you can't invite them all, don't invite any. The rehearsal is about getting ready for the big day, and honoring those who are a part of it. Maybe instead of inviting them to the rehearsal, your mom could make up little welcome baskets for her guests with things specific to your city or town and create a list of suggested activities to keep guests entertained while you are at the rehearsal.
Stand your ground!! This is your day. Your mom had her chance when she got married! If she insists, then let her know how much it is per person for the dinner and ask your mom to write a check to your fiance's parents.
hope this helps.
Good luck.

Answer 3

The rehearsal dinner is for the family and bridal party only. Her guests can wait till the wedding and reception. It's not her wedding and she's not paying for the dinner so she needs to back off and not invite her own people. that's incredibly rude and she has not right to do that. I'd tell her to go to dinner with her guests herself if she wants them included so bad. I mean why do parents and other people see the need to invite who they want.

I'm just the kind of person who doesn't go to a party unless invited and think it's rude if no one else there knows your coming and then you look like the odd ball out. Or in this fact...30 odd balls out.

Answer 4

Rehersal dinners are normally just the family and wedding party - period.

Your mom is trying to take advantage of the circumstances and get to spend more casual time with her out-of-town friends by inviting them to the rehearsal dinner. Although I think its in poor taste, I guess there is nothing wrong with letting her spend some additional time with people she wants to talk to. However, I would tell you to suggest that maybe she meet them for drinks or something AFTER the rehearsal dinner - so that You can spend more time with Her before the wedding

Answer 5

The rehearsal dinner is supposed to be only for the wedding party and their significant others. The rest get fed at the reception dinner. It sounds like your mom is trying to take advantage of your fiance's parents. It's rude to invite other people who were not originally invited, esp. at the expense of someone else. No, you're not being unreasonable.

Answer 6

I think your mom is being very unreasonable, or maybe doesn't understand the etiquette. Explain it to her, maybe print it out from a wedding site so it's in someone else's words, and she may understand.
She can do something special with her guests if she wishes, like an excursion together, or have them come over to her house for an extra party. But she should not ask the groom's parents to pay, that's very inconsiderate. You don't want your relationship with your inlaws to get off of the wrong foot like that.

Answer 7

Rehearsal dinner is for the bridal party and for those involved in the wedding. It is hosted by the grooms family and your mom is out of place to invite her friends. I would say if she wants to do something with them or for them it should be on her own and separate from rehearsal dinner. You need to stand up for your future in laws and tell you mom no.

Answer 8

Here it is plain and simple.
A reahearsal is for the bridal party and the 2 IMMEDIATE families. The rehearsal dinner covers those people that attend the rehearsal..No body else..

Answer 9

It's your wedding so your rehersal dinner should include whoever you want. That said, at least where I live, usually immediate family, the bridal party and out of town guests are invited to the rehearsal dinner.

However, I agree that only inviting some, but not all, of the out of town guests might not be a good idea, unless there is someway to distinguish the out of town guests invited (e.g., only family who are from out of town; only those from out of the country; etc.).

We invited all of our out of town guests (from both sides), and it was really nice. It really gave us a chance to spend time with our guests who flew across the country or from overseas to come to our wedding. Plus, at the wedding, you won't spend all your time with your out of town guests, and the rehersal dinner gives you a chance to thank them for coming and to spend time with them. That way, when you are dancing the night away on your wedding day, and meeting and greeting with all of your guests, you don't have to worry about being inconsiderate and not paying full attention to your out of town guests.

If its really important to you to have an intimate small rehersal dinner, than you have the right to tell your mom that you really want to keep it small, and if she wants to treat her out of town guests, maybe you can suggest that she set up a brunch or breakfast the day after the wedding (on her), where you can mingle with her out of town guests. Also, you can remind her that a breakfast or brunch would be less expensive than a dinner, so she probably could invite all of her out of town guests.

If, however, the issue is money (and not wanting to impose additional costs on your future in-laws), the best thing is to either: (i) allow her to invite her guests, and have your mom pay for them; (ii) allow her to invite "x "number of guests (however many your future inlaws are willing to pay for), and haver her pay for any extra guests; or (iii) have your future in laws set a total amount they are willing to pay for the dinner, and have your mom cover the rest if she wants extra guests. If you give her the option of paying, then it will relieve the pressure on your future in-laws and it will also make her second guess whether she really wants to invite any additional guests.

If you are willing to have the extra guests, because money is a sticky subject, I would first approach the situation by having your fiance speak to his parents and let them know that your mom would like to invite some out of town guests--ask him what they think. Have him get an idea of the total amount they are willing to spend and how they feel about the money issue. It's better for him to approach his parents because they will feel more comfortable being honest with him, and he won't take their answers personally. Once you have an idea
of how they feel, you can approach your mom with the possible solutions.

Finally, remember that this is your wedding. You are not being unreasonable. It makes sense that you are concerned about your future inlaws, especially since the wedding (or in this case, the rehersal dinner) is just one day, but your relationship with them will last a lot longer.

Answer 10

Only the wedding party and your parents and siblings should attend the rehersal dinner. The others will be guests at the wedding reception.

Good luck!