Unfriendly Preschool Teacher! Help!?

Question

Hi. My son goes to preschool and most of his teachers are friendly and civil, except one. His afternoon teacher is not friendly and I was glad she moved to another school because I was tired of her mannerism, but she came back to his school and works the afternoon shift. Anyway, this teacher I don't like, doesn't say hi to me (when I say hi to her) or answer my question "Hi. how are you?" she is not warm and open to me, even if I try to smile at her and ask questions about my son's day, she doesn't . So I had to stop asking her questions. But I feel that she is selective and open to other people. My son, on the other hand, likes her and feels comfortable around her. She acts friendly and outgoing to my son, but not to me. I know I'm suppose to be happy that my boy's happy with her but she makes me mad and doesn't make me feel good because she can't even respond to me saying "Bye. have a good day" or "Thank you" or what have you to her. I think it's rude and unprofessional. Help!

I know that if I complain about her to the school, she might retaliate and do something to my son, of course, I don't want that happening.

There are no grades in preschool.

Ok if you can't see my position. Imagine someone that you see often whether it be a co-worker or a neighbor or a teacher and you smile at them and say hi and they don't reciprocate and still you try to be kind to them but they still don't reciprocate. How does it make you feel? Do you feel good about it?

In his preschool, there are 2 teachers in every class- a teacher and the teacher's assistant.

Answer 1

This would absolutely bother me as well. On the parent's side - this is a service industry. They're providing a service to their customers, and hers is poor in the area of parental communication. You'd complain to the manager of the grocery store of a continuously rude cashier, wouldn't you?

On the other side... I've been a child care provider and a preschool teacher, and wouldn't think of being rude or disrespectful to a parent. Even if I didn't like the parent, which did happen a few times, I was at least polite and respectful to all their attempts at communicating.

I can understand your fear of her retaliating... but if you fear that this is the kind of person that she is already... then it is your obligation as a parent to protect your child. Make this fear of yours clear to the director, manager, or whomever is in charge of the facility.

This may sound like a petty parental complaint to many... but I think you have a right to be offended by her actions or inactions, and have the absolute right to find out what bug is up her butt!!

Answer 2

I think you should become a preschool teacher. Being an actual teacher vs. just a substitute offers job security. I mean you won't have to go out looking for work everyday. I mean a substitute is just replacement in the teachers abscence. You'll have a chance to work with the same group of children for the whole school year. Whereas a substitute sees different kids everyday. Great career choice by the way!!! (that's what i'm studying to be)

Answer 3

This last year, my son had a preschool teacher who was very very non-social, and none of the parents liked her. However, I chaperoned a field trip with his class, and was really suprised by the way she related to the kids, and with me, after spending some time getting to know her. She was still kind of aloof with us adults, but I kind of realized that even though she was that way with adults, she really connected with the kids.

Yes, it's nice to have a great relationship with all your kids' teachers, having small talk and stuff. However, the fact is, her job is to connect with your son and be a good teacher to him. And according to you, that seems to be the case.

The only thing I can think of that you mention that is really something to worry or be upset about is that she doesn't answer questions you ask about your son.

I know it's annoying you, but I think it would work well for you to just get over the fact that she "makes you mad and doesn't make you feel good," as long as she is good for your son. At some point, you are going to have to understand that your son's teachers don't have to be buddies with you, and they definately don't have to "make you feel good."

I would suggest you keep afternoon conversations short, to the point, and limited to questions and comments about your son. If, at the end of the day, she has fourteen preschoolers climbing all over the room, it's only fair to assume that she's not going to be able to talk right then. In those instances, the best thing you can do is to give her a heads-up that you need to ask her something and go from there. She may be able to answer your question right then, or she may need to have a minute or two to get someone to watch the class for a moment.

I'm not actually positive what you're asking, really. I don't know that there's much you can do to make her make small talk with you every afternoon, so your other option is to try to get your son moved to another class to a teacher who is more friendly to you, but I really don't think that's a good idea, because whatever is going on with the two of you, or what you think of her, she's doing right by your son. Personality conflict between parent and teacher is not a good reason to uproot a kid, you know?


ADDED AFTER ADDTL INFO:

I definately agree that it's not a happy environment here. Yes, you definately want the people in your life to be friendly. However, I'm just wondering what kind of "Help!?" you are wanting, you know? Is it just affirmation, because yes, it would bother me a lot. But I don't think this is as serious a problem as it could be.

Answer 4

She acts friendly and outgoing to you son, so maybe she doesn't relate to adults well. If you are seriously concerned and don't like her attitude take him out or move him to a different one.
If you ask about your sons day and she answers your questions, that's fine. I wouldn't pick on her about smiling and all that. She may not relate to adults well for some reason.
If you want to get the hint across to her...say goodbye to her and when she doesn't respond, approach her with a nice smile and say it again. If she seriously doesn't answer you then, you need to sit with her and ask if you've done anything to offend her. I know people can be very unfriendly these days, but it's worth a try.

Answer 5

If your son is comfortable and happy with her that really is a good thing. Perhaps she doesn't relate will with adults in general and is better with kids. If you think she just doesn't like you and that really bothers you to leave your child with someone who doesn't like you (it would for me), try talking with her and asking her if she has some kind of problem with you - be open and honest approach. If she won't answer you or things don't go well, talk to the director of your school and inform her that there is an issue and you'd like her to consider you moving your son to another class. When talking to the teacher, she will hopefully be receptive to you if you say you'd like to discuss an issue with her. Be sure to point out how wonderful she is with your child and how much he enjoys being in her class and that you're just wondering if you've done something to offend her. Explain that it's important to you that you and she have a good relationship and hopes that if she has any problems with your child that she'd feel comfortable talking to you and vice versa that you could come to her and feel comfortable.

Answer 6

As a former preschool teacher and a mom I really would suggest that you talk to the director. That teacher needs and attitude adjustment. You are paying them for a service and you should expect your sons teachers to treat you with respect and communicate with you about your sons day.

What I would do is make it more about her not communicating with you than her general attitude being poor. Let the director know that you do not want to get her in touble but you would like to see improved communication with you. Don't worry about retaliation, because you can get her fired for that! You may not be the only parent that has a problem with her so I urge you to speak out.

I had a similar problem with a teacher once. After I spoke with the director, this teacher ended up being very nice to me.
Remember you are the parent/client and you should demand respect!
I know this can be frustrating so hang in there!

Answer 7

I can't believe she doesn't say bye, smile, have a good night, wave, SOMETHING! I would be just as offended as you.. pre-schools are supposed to have an up-beat cheery, welcoming aura to them for the children and the parents.

I would keep attempting to get responses out of her..make her respond to you! and.. I would also talk to the director. Something along the lines of, "I'm concerned. Ms. SoandSo doesn't aknowledge me (not even a smile!) in the classroom when I'm picking up my child which concerns me about her relationship with my child. If your director is at all professional she will talk with the teacher about better repore with the parents without mentioning specific names.

Answer 8

I think you should bring her a small gift with a card. Something like a little pot of flowers or some candy. The card should just say thank you for everything she does for your son and that he really seems to like her.

It might work. And, what do you have to lose?

Answer 9

Try going through another avenue to get to know her and see what's up with this gal by requesting a parent/teacher conference to check your child's progress. You'll have one-on-one time and possibly you'll find she's not intentionally slightly you...just busy. If there is a genuine personality conflict, you'll be able to identify this and decide next what you feel you need to do.

Answer 10

she is supposed to answer your questions concerning yourson.its really no big deal if she ignores your hello and smiles but when asking about your son tell her youd like to and appreciate if she would answer.ask her if you have done anything.but she would answer questions concerning my child like it or not