Guys I really need some help with my dilemma, I feel like I have been stuck here and I am finally ready to move on...but need a bit of encouragement!
I am a 21 year old girl and recently finished my degree at university. My best friend - who is a guy - is a year older and we met on my first day of uni by chance, and have been friends ever since.
I was not attracted to him when we first met, but a few weeks into knowing him, and over the last 4 years I have fallen for him, despite him having a long term relationship (which ended), and me dating other guys.
This year we were both out of uni and working, however got heaps closer to the point where I was totally in love with him. We have never made out or anything, on the surface its purely friendship.
The problem is he is SO not my type, as in physically, we look totally wrong togther, and also his religious persuasion doesn't allow us to get married (unless I convert). So either way it wouldnt work out in the end...
2007-08-24 15:40:26 · 15 answers · asked by freegirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
...but I am so into him to the point where I have pushed him away! I feel like its the only way to get over him and move on, that is, to lose him as a friend as well as potentially something more.
Every single guy that i meet i always compare to him, so usually I don't bother dating anyone.
A few months ago when I met his friend (who was cute) who I showed interest in, my best friend started acting weird and even got drunk when I was on my first date with his friend! I noticed how jealous he was getting so I stopped dating him (but I put the 'jealousy' down to him potentially losing me as a friend if i started dating someone else)
The thing is, despite being my best friend i've realised he always puts me down, indirectly saying im fat and ugly which is supposed to come across as a joke.
I have finally decided I can't just be friends with him, and I REALLY need help to move on..am i doing the right thing?! I dont think il ever find someone who understands me like he does. HELP!
2007-08-24 15:40:56 · update #1
my... u're sooo confused... i can see that... so which is which??? u fall in love wid him but u're not comfortable wid him...not u're type phusicially.... not attracted and bcuz of some religious conflict...which doesn't allow that u getting married... well... better assess what really is that u want... get a hold of urself and try thinking our the things u said... if theres nothing that u like in him then u're not really in love wid him... it just so happens that u fell for him cuz he was there are u're kinda needing som1... so think... and decide... do you want him or not./....
2007-08-24 15:50:32 · answer #1 · answered by skeptic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, the physical thing is not a deal breaker. So he's "not your type", big deal. That obviously has not prevented you from falling for the guy in the first place. So ignore that, it's not important.
As for religious differences, that's something the two of you would have to work out. Not everyone is willing to sacrifice a relationship over this, so don't ignore your feelings based on a problem that may not even exist.
Good luck.
2007-08-24 22:47:21 · answer #2 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Freegirl,
You are so in love with him, and if it´s been so long, it does not seem like The Hots.
I think it is sad you cannot be free to talk to him honestly about what is happening to you both, because, obviously, he also feels awkward when you are each with someone else, pretending it is not important to you..
Your religions, are they really so important? My parents were Catholic and Anglican, and they never had a yes or a no about anything like that, in spite of having accepted that we would be Catholic. Then, when grown up, each one did what he felt best.
You are plump, so what?!!! Is he sooooo beautiful that you feel awkward? If you are a lovely girl, as you sound, when you speak about you both, be sure that THAT is more important than the perfect figure. It will last for much longer, and make your company MUCH more pleasurable than being beautiful (when young).
Don´t give up. Talk to him, work it out, and share the loveliest things in life together, if you can.
Good luck!!!
2007-08-24 23:00:26 · answer #3 · answered by tango bailado 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I belive the most important step is to discuss your feelings with your friend in the open. Perhaps you both feel the same about each other. If indeed this is the case and you want to take it to the next level, get spiritual counseling together. The Lord does not make mistakes nor denominations, humans do that.
2007-08-24 22:50:27 · answer #4 · answered by woml718 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He puts you down and calls you fat and ugly?
That doesn't make him attractive to me.
Good luck -- that's a red flag to run the other way if I ever saw one.
And dating your buddy's good friend is too close for comfort whether this friend of yours likes you or not. Find your own boyfriend elsewhere.
2007-08-24 22:46:23 · answer #5 · answered by brilliantyetconfused 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think moving on is the best thing in the long run cause if he,s
putting you down when you,re not around.and he,s jealous
when you,re with other girls this could cause you problems
cause that means he is insecure and he lacks trust in you
you did the only thing you thought to get over him.and he didn,t
like it.but you was domed from the start don,t worry abou,t this .remember let him go if it was mean,t to be it will happen
if not it wasn,t
2007-08-24 22:54:59 · answer #6 · answered by mark_henderson88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl , if you love him then go for him you dont want to keep wishing what it could of been like if you went for him but this way if you do then then you wont be worrying trust me its hard to let your first love go and maybe you two are ment to be maybe talk to him about it and the religon thing , if you two really loved eachother then u would do anything for him but also you are only 21 which is very young !! so you still have lots of time to find someone but if you truley believe he is the one then go for it !!
goodluck
2007-08-24 22:50:45 · answer #7 · answered by becca j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to spend a few hours together just to chat. tell him his jokes as he calls them hurts you.and y does he hurt you when hes supposed to be your friend., if he cant or wont stop these jokes tell him when he decides to grow up you to can be friends, as for how you feel 4 him. can u see the 2 of you being sexual together. what ever you decide, goodluck with it. guys can be so cruel at times, some dont realize that they are hurting you, so please speak up tell him to please listen to what you need to say,
2007-08-24 22:50:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you don't need negative people in your life, they only bring you down. And it seems like that's what he is trying to do to your self esteem. You may like him but if he really liked you he wouldn't put you down and attempt to devalue you.
2007-08-24 22:48:08 · answer #9 · answered by ctelly22 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
jus take a chance and tell him how u feel despite all the obstacles between u and him (him not being your type, his religion, etc.)...if u dont i promise u will regret it later on
2007-08-24 22:46:25 · answer #10 · answered by Nacho Chacho 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋