I know a married couple who both chain smoke Marlboros and Newports. When they ask me why I don't come to.....

Question

their home anymore, I told them my eyes burn too badly and my clothes stink after I visit. They said I was rude or inconsiderate. Do you agree?

Answer 1

No you are just telling the truth.

Answer 2

I agree with you. I think they are the rude and inconsiderate ones. If they were thinking of only you, they would go outside to smoke when you are there. If your eyes burn and your clothes smell, how does that make you rude and inconsiderate? They need to wake up. By the way, I smoked for 30 years and I always tried to be considerate of non smokers. Even before it became a law. You do not need friends like that.
Good Luck

Answer 3

Well, I'm 50-50 on this. I would have told them that although I enjoy their company, I'm afraid I cannot join them at their home since I find that being around smoke makes my eyes itch. I would have hold off telling them about the clothes.

I have the same problem as you. And I tell my friends I do not smoke and do not intend to be around smokers. I work with people who smoke and when they are even 10 yards away, i can smell the cigarette smoke on their clothes. I often ask them if they have just smoked. Their response is "yes and can you smell me from that far?" I tell them yes. This exposes them to my 'quirk' and my sensitivity to cigarette smoke. Case closed.

You are not inconsiderate. It is them who are if they think you shouold endanger your health by spending time with them.

Answer 4

NO, you are very much right for telling them the truth, i dont do that either, i cant stand to go over someones house and have my eyes burn and then you do stink when you get home... IT IS GROSS....

I have told even my uncle that i wont come over because of that, and i try my hardest not to be rude about it... Now that i have a son and im pregnant it is even worse, i do not want them around that at all. My son has breathing problems to boot.... But

i dont think you are wrong at all, at least you didnt lie to them, and say something else, you are truthfully and one day they will realize that.. Good luck, and dont htink too much about it.

Answer 5

No, you were not rude. If they weren't prepared for the answer they shouldn't have asked the question.

It would be hard for them to not realize that a lot of people feel the way you do in this day and age, with all the restaurants in so many states going non-smoking!

Answer 6

I think you could have handled it with a little more tact, although I do agree with your reason for not visiting them anymore. Saying that someone's house stinks, especially directly to their face, is a major faux pas. Perhaps you could have said that your eyes and nose cannot handle cigarette smoke or its residue, as in an allergy. That way, they would not have been offended because the "blame" (for lack of a better term) would have been laid upon you and not them.

Answer 7

Yep. You were rude. You were honest, but honesty doesn't necessarily preclude good manners. You could have told them that you've been having very uncomfortable allergic reactions to cigarette smoke recently and while you love them and their company and their home, visiting them is extremely uncomfortable for you. You'd have conveyed your message, ended the invitations, and done so with honesty--after all, burning eyes are an allergic reaction--and done it all without hurting them or being rude to them.

Answer 8

You are not being rude and inconsiderate, you are protecting yourself and your health and well being.

They are being more inconsiderate of you by not valuing your friendship more than their cigarettes.

I have friends that smoke, but I and my family do not and if we are visiting each other, they do not smoke while we are there because they know that we do not like the smoke around us.

True friends are respectful of each others wants and needs.

Answer 9

Well, maybe you were a little blunt, but you are telling the truth. I would have said that I am allergic to cigarette smoke, and you guys smoke a lot. ( I wouldn't have mentioned the stink although I agree with you there). I have asthma, and I run into this a lot. I just tell them I have it, and that cigarette smoke sets off an attack. When I put it nicely most people are understanding.

Answer 10

It depends on how you said it. I am totally with you on standing your ground about why you don't like visiting them. They were probably more ashamed than otherwise but took it out on you as anger. Unless you are invested in being friends with them I wouldn't sweat it. Gives you even more reason not to visit. Otherwise I would extend the olive branch and apologize if you were more abrasive then you mean to be, but you were being honest. However, you'd love to visit with them at another locale.

Answer 11

absolutely not. I don' t smoke - my friends dont smoke - my family doesn't smoke, when my mom used to smoke and she would give me food to take home it always ended up in the dumpster down the alley because of the smell - there wasnt anyway I was gonna put it in my mouth!
Sometimes you just have to cut people loose - I had a friend that smoked once and tried to meet him at like a restaurant or something... but he would stand in the parking lot and puff-up before he would come in so he still reaked // gradually we just stopped hanging out. Since we don't allow smoking in our house,cars,or around our kids ;my wife and I don't know many smokers
You only have 1 life ,bud. You owe it to yourself to choose to stay healthy ( clean and stench free)