sister help?

Question

My 8 sister has selective mutism, meaning she has trouble talking to other people. She keeps her head down at school, wont talk to any of her "friends". She gets physically sick if she is forced to talk. She barely talks to anyone in our family, not including her own brother. She keeps her head bowed and just barely whispers in my ear and I have to relay her messages. It also causes her to have extreme anger issues because she wants to talk to people, but she just can't. I feel bad for her and understand why she gets so angry, but she hits me, throws things at me, and has stabbed me with pencils and tried to smother me with a pillow. I am 14, and know I am much stronger than her, and feel bad even laying a finger on her because I understand why she has the outburts. I just get so frustrated because I feel like I get forgotten about sometimes. Both her and my brother have had counseling, both for different reasons, and always have something going on with them.

I feel like they're top priority, even though I know my parents love me I feel like they leave it up to me to make up for the bad grades and horrible tempers. I'm expected to make straight A's, keep my temper under control, and above all else, never plan things without consulting my siblings schedule. I have had to cancel things because it "interferred" with my siblings power. I just feel so helpless and that my life is unfair. I know my life is good, I have loving parents, something to eat, am intellectually gifted, and have a loving dog to come home to. I just needed to rant for a bit. any comments are welcome though.

The thing is that it gets placed on me to lean down, decode my sisters mumbles, and repeat them 20 times fr everyone to hear. She talks non stop to my mom me and a couple other family members. I just feel like I get pushed to the background and am forced to do a million things because my sister will blow up if you ask her to. I have a hard time saying no and the thought of hurting anyone kills me. I am also a introverted personality, and I find it hard to talk about my feelings to real people.

I didn't mean power, I meant schedules. My brother had a bunch of issues, and my mom is always going "Don't do drugs, Don't drink, Don't hang out with the wrong people" and I understand her worry, but I learned from y brothers mistakes and wouldn't do any of that stuff.

I am also expected to put up with a step-brother who watches me while I sleep(he's 8 as well) a step-father that made me get rid of my dog(at my grandmothers) and doesn't respect my ethics, always telling me I spoiled my dog and that I should know that a dogs place is outside, in a doghouse, not my bed.

Answer 1

Blended families are a booger... it can take years to get into a groove.

Sounds like you need to establish dominance with your sister. When she abuses you, you need to remove yourself from her... "If you are going to be bad to me, I don't care to be around you!" You can also coach her to do little things better by offering little rewards... praise her, let her wear something of yours... whatever works.

You are 14, so you are fully capable of making yourself scarce... the trick is to do so in a constructive manner... you have to handle your assigned chores and keep your studies up.
Can you spend the school year with your grandparents?
Can you spend time studying at your friends' houses?
Can you get a part-time job doing something so you won't be stuck with your siblings? I'm serious... weeding flowerbeds, walking dogs, scooping dog poo from yards, running errands, babysitting for money... you get the idea.

Answer 2

It's a tough question to answer, because it seems like there are so many problems going on. One of the best things you can do is talk to your parents about it: not after you've just had to cancel something because of your siblings or anything, but when neither of you are upset and can sit down and talk reasonably. I have a brother with a disability and I know it can be tough, because on one hand you have the fact that your sibling has special needs and needs to be treated differently, but on the other hand you have your needs to consider and they are equally as important. Try and comprimise with your parents: sometimes you will need to cancel things if there is something important that they need to do, but you shouldn't have to always do that, you have important plans too.

Answer 3

You sound like a really strong person. I know it is rough having to maintain these expectations while having so much to handle at once. I know it may seem like a lot, and don't worry. No one has forgotten you, it just may appear that way because your sister needs some extra attention. It can get annoying when you're expected to plan your life around someone else's. Emphasize your need to occasionally step away from all that. Even though it's difficult, your sister needs you, and it's great that you're there for her. Stay strong girl!

Answer 4

These things tend to happen when there are children with special needs in the family. Pull your parents to the side and let them know how you are feeling. Let them know you need some special time and not so much pressure to excel. Explain that you are a unique person and need to be noticed as such.

Good luck!