My husband likes me to dress like a prostitute during sex? Is this normal?

Question

My husband's 1st sexual experience was with a prostitute at age 20. He also went to them in his previous marriage, but claims that it was not always for services sometimes just to talk. He started asking me to dress up in tight short dresses, heels, messy hair and "bad makeup". When I told him that he wanted me to dress like a whore he told me that he only wanted me to be "his" whore. He was also sexually aggressive and dominating and sex was not intimate but rather stressful. My husband has a sexual addiction which I only recently found out about. I have stayed with him since he is now going to therapy and on medication. Our sex life has improved greatly but at times he still wants me to dress up - or actually down - for him. Once I dressed up without him asking, took control of the situation and made him pay me. It didn't feel good. I know that it is perfectly normal for couples to roleplay but I do not know if this aspect is normal or if it is part of his addiction problem

Answer 1

sounds like it has something to do with his problems role-play is one thing making you do these things when you clearly don't really want to is another. I know you love him but you are going have to tell him that you really are not wanting to do it and he needs to find something else that makes him feel the same way with out going out and cheating. take care good luck

Answer 2

Normal? What's Normal? For anyone's sake, normal should be what works (so long is it doesn't deny anyone else life, liberty, or yada, yada).

It's clear your man isn't over his sex "issues." The advice you'd give somebody in a situation where the person could be "cured" is not to feed into his addiction. But I think in the real world, if you address this as a permanent behavior of his, then there is some merit to saying: "better he gets it at home." The problem with this logic is that, as I understand the nature of addiction, you'll probably never be enough for him; the draw of sexual conquests will be too much and find him gratifying himself outside your marriage.

I think you have to do some soul searching and figure out if your man will ever be "cured." If this is something you honestly think can be achieved, you have to face up with his demons (if they can be classified as such). This might mean openly questioning his preferences if they make you uncomfortable (you'll obviously be taking the risk of alienating him. especially if it's already a sore spot).

In other words, how serious is this for you. Sex and money destroy pretty much every relationship. If you can tolerate his wayward penis and sexual peccadilloes, you probably should. If you can't, if this is an issue that is hurting the quality of your own life to a level you can't accept, then the answer becomes self-evident.

It's all about risk accessment. Think like an economist on this one. You risk something by confronting your husband on this: is it worth that risk. Only you know.

One thing is clear to me, through out anything other people might think about your man's doings--what do you think? How do you feel? I imagine you feel an invisable eye watching you and your husband, judging you--concentrate on ignoring that eye, and then decide what you can live with.

Answer 3

Sounds to me like an addiction he's not willing to give up on. I'm not an expert here but we all know there is some psychology behind this.
Was sex better when you played the domineering role and made him pay you? IF the sex was not as stressful that's a good sign. However, this is becoming unhealthy for YOU. You promised to love him in sickness and in health but you did not promise to let him make you sick.
If you think that playing this role will keep him from scamping and if you think that playing this role will slowly break him out of it, then maybe stay with it for a while. But if it turns into something that he refuses to become cured of I'd say you are then in an abusive relationship.

Answer 4

It doesn't sound healthy.

Roleplaying in a relationship is great, and almost everyone has sexual desires or turn-ons that fall outside what open society would consider "normal". When these can be played out consensually within a relationship, it can be good, and brings two people together sexually.

However you don't seem to like this kind of play at all. If you don't want to be a "whore" for your husband, you shouldn't feel obliged to do it. It doesn't seem like this is a two-way thing - your husband is using you as something in a sexual fantasy of his own, that doesn't necessarily involve you having fun at all.

Perhaps you could try other things - suggest some fantasy of your own you could try. The sad fact is your husband seems to have some kind of thing for prostitutes, given his history of involvement with him. It doesn't mean there isn't a solution, but he may need help if he is to switch off this fixation, onto more healthy sexual behaviour - getting down to nasty stuff with his wife that both he and she enjoys.

Basically, roleplaying and other behaviours are normal and good fun in a relationship, but as you've described it, it isn't in your situation. Don't give up on him, but things as you've described aren't good for you or for him, and can't continue before things fall apart, even if you both continue to go on with it.

Best of luck with it.

Answer 5

Hey, you know all sorts of people get off on all sorts of weird sexual fantasies. He is addressing his problem, i would try not to take this too harshly, and don't blame yourself for trying to work with him in his fantasies. If it makes you feel bad about yourself then don't do it, but remember that your money is his and visa verse so does it really matter? Good luck. :)) And don't get down about this it sounds like you as a couple are working this through, but nothing ever happens quickly when it comes to mental health-i wish it did for myself. X

Answer 6

Your husband is hung up on his first sexual encounter which was very stimulating. He wants to relive this excitement and hence asks you to duplicate it by dressing as a whore. This is an issue he has to overcome. It is an obsession, in my opinion.

I don't know how to treat this condition. A behavioral therapist would.

Answer 7

There is nothing wrong with role playing and trying new things to keep your sex life exciting, but if you aren't comfortable with what you're doing it's rather pointless. Talk to your husband and see if there is something else you can do that would keep the both of you happy.

Answer 8

Sounds like what that preacher in Selmer, Tn. made his wife do...and look what happened to him. To me...he is degrading you. Sounds like he has a sexual addiction and should get help with this. I don't think it's healthy...mentally , emotionally..spiritually...for either of you.

Answer 9

well it is normal but i think its apart of his addiction maybe hes playing you ....maybe not..... I would get a lie detector test but first talk to him about how you feel and tell him to have some respect for woman for sake
If it isnt comfortable dont do anything you dont want to!

Answer 10

i think it might be because of the addiction but hes getting help dont dress like that for him