Cashless Bride, What to do?

Question

I am getting married and want a backyard wedding for 45 people only, and a nice sit down dinner. Now, my parents don't have much money, and I can't afford alot of things, but my fiancee can, and since I will be given away to him, shouldn't he be paying the most since he can afford it? I am not asking for much just the basic food, drinks, and that's all. Your thoughts.

It will be around $2000. for food and drinks and appetizers. And a small church wedding. My dress, veil, shoes are heirloom, handed to me. My photographer is my best friend who will do it for 60% off cost. So , that's all I really need.

Blossom, I am not greedy and $2000 is nothing. If I had asked for a 100K would you have applauded? A ring costs more than that for God's sake.

Answer 1

Once you are married to him, his money is yours and so on. But, until that happens, I think that you have over-stepped by expecting that it is his obligation to pay since he has enough money. If you are marrying him, you should be able to have an open discussion about it - if you can't, maybe you aren't close enough to get married yet. Explain that your parents cannot afford to give you a wedding and that it is really up to you and him to put on the wedding. I think it should be 50/50 - that is fair. That being said, figure out what the whole thing will cost. Figure out how much you can contribute, ask him to match it and then start cutting back. You aren't being given to him, you are becoming his wife - his equal partner.
I would have loved a big wedding, but I had the wedding that I could afford and it was beautiful - $500.00 total & my marriage is wonderful and very, very happy.

Answer 2

It sounds like your fiance does not want to fund the wedding. You can't force someone to pay for your wedding. If you really want to marry him, you have no money, your parents want to pay very little, and he really doesn't want to pony up a dime for it, you would have to have an extremely inexpensive wedding. For example, it would be you in the heirloom dress, and him before a justice of the peace, with you, him, the j. p., and your parents eating wedding cupcakes afterward.
But what does this say about him that he can afford a wedding, he knows you and your parents can't, and he won't spend any money on this? Are you sure he wants to marry you? Are you sure you want to marry him?
Give it some thought.

Answer 3

Since after the marriage you will have joint finances you should make a joint decision about it. IMO if you are fixing to get married there should be no "yours and mine" but "ours" so it shouldn't matter that you have $5 and he has $50 or if it was the other way around. You both have $55 and need to decide how you BOTH want to spend it.

I see a bigger problem here than if you get a sit down dinner or not. A wedding ring is not a magical device that will make everything better. He's still gonna be the same "stingy" guy he is now, if not worse so you need to fix this now and figure out if you two can get on the same page and if you have the same financial ideals! Love is really, really important when it comes to marriage but unfortunately it isn't everything and there is a reason why the majority of divorces are because of money issues.

Answer 4

Do it yourself. It isn't that difficult. Get a couple magazines or go to Michael's/hobby lobby and browse. Pick a theme and find pieces that fit. Get that beautiful dress on EBay, instead of expensive flowers arrangements.. make it yourself with fresh cut or silk and some nice ribbon from a craft/fabric store. The veil is easy... a couple of clips and some lace and a hot glue gun and some sequins or other embellishments. As for the food... make it yourself or have a couple friends help... finger foods are great and people pick what they want to eat not what is put in front of them. Don't expect the groom to pay for anything besides his tux and your rings... historically, the man takes care of you for the rest of your life... that is why the wedding/dowry was always from the bride's side. My advice is to find your most crafty friends and family... and ask them to help you. I just did a wedding for that many people 2 months ago and we spent $1000 and it looked great.. that included the cake, the reception room, food, decor, flowers, table arrangements and more. You can do anything with a bit of trial and error and determination.

Answer 5

If your fiancee can afford the wedding cost, then he should pay for it, & give you the best day to remember forever. If he is thight with his money then your marriage will be the same way. If he is selfish, he will never change. However he is now is who you are marring & choosing to spend all your moments of life together, is who he will be in 30 yrs! If he loves you enough to support, cherish, provide, understand, sacrifice, believe in u, honor u, then he is the charm but if he is not these things he will never change. Ask him for what you want if he is unwilling to make this the best day of your life, He will be like that always & maybe u should reconsider a life long commitment. My moto is.... once u r married its like having kids you make a commitment to be a parent & you cant walk out on them for any reason sooooo getting married is a serious commitment once u r in u r in, if it dont work make it work! Life will always be full of challenges & being married is just another challange for u 2 face together as man & wife! Good luck with your future husband & ask him to pay for the wedding!!!!

Answer 6

You cannot expect him to pay for these things, but as a couple getting married doesn't he know your family financial situation and haven't the two of you discussed this? These days the old tradition of the bride's family paying for the wedding does not hold true. Most couples pay for the bulk of the wedding themselves with both sets of parents helping with what they can or even just specific items. I really think you and your groom need to communicate.

Answer 7

I mean saying you have money spend it on me...may not be the way to get what you want. Im getting married in 3 weeks and originally I wanted to pay for the most of it, but I dont make much and my parents didnt have it either so, I told him or yeah i told him he had to help and he had no qualms about it...he said he was glad to help and just let me know what he needed to do. Maybe you could do most of the planning yourself like i did, make everything you can, and comprimise a sit down dinner to a nice buffet or finger foods line? i know it isnt as glamarous but hey, it gets the job done.... and just maybe make up a list of the more expensive things ( i.e. rings, blood test, marriage license, cake costs) and just ask him to pay for the 3 most expensive...and see what he says..that way you can do the rest for what you have in your budget...oh and if you have a big family ask them to bring food because it will save you money and be realy good to eat :) also see if your friend will do your photos for free, as a wedding gift..just pay for the price of film or something.

Answer 8

If he does not want to pay for what he knows you can't pay.. That to me would be a sign. He shouldn't care if he pays for it. He is asking you to marry him for goodness sake what is wrong with him. Does he not want a wedding? Tell him he will wish he did do the wedding when he is older. A good man would give you the wedding of your dream if he could afford it, and you say he can. Besides at the end his money is your money and your money is his money..

Answer 9

Anymore, it is considered acceptable for the bride and groom to split some of the costs. I'm sure by now your fiancee knows yours and your parents' financial situation and if he wants a nice wedding, there is nothing wrong with asking him to contribute financially.

Answer 10

I'm a little troubled by your language and reasoning: you're being "given away to him," and therefore, he should "pay[] the most." Sounds like you are a piece of property with no free will that is being passed from your parents to your new husband for a price. I honestly hope that's not how you see yourself or how you see marriage finances working. I agree with the previous answerers -- you and your fiance need to have a talk about handling money. Not just with respect to the wedding, but for your future together.