We are supose to get married and he's done alot to hurt me, he betrade me in so many ways. he cheated and I know I can't change the past but I don't know how to move on from it, I can't get past it, I can't forgive him and I can't forgive myself. If I didn't love him then I wouldn't want to marry him, I can't seem to get that through him. How can I forgive myself to forgive him. He's my rock,someone I thought I could turn to anytime and now I feel like I can't turn to him, everytime I try, it's a fight. I can't tell him what bothers me or what I need. It wasn't like this in the beinging, it got like this the past year in a half. theres days where he wants to know everything and then the days where he don't want me around. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? AM I DOING ANYTHING WRONG? PLEASE HELP WHAT DO I DO? HOW CAN I FORGIVE MYSELF TO FORGIVE HIM?
2007-08-24 09:43:28 · 24 answers · asked by CHRISTINA R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
take it slow and listen to your hart !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-08-24 10:01:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? - You are settling for someone who broke your heart, then handed you a line (I'm sure) about how they would never do that again, they were in a bad place at the time. OR- they blamed it on you- either way, it's not a good situation to MARRY into!
AM I DOING ANYTHING WRONG? - Yes, you are- you are wronging yourself.
PLEASE HELP WHAT DO I DO? - You leave him. It's going to be hard, but you have to. He's not worth you, and if you accept him as such, you will be just as worthless as he is. I never believed it, but it's true- once a cheater, always a cheater. You get in a fight- he runs to another chick, you are sick, he runs to another chick, and so on and so forth.
HOW CAN I FORGIVE MYSELF TO FORGIVE HIM? - Once you have left him, and once you have begun to move on, you can forgive him for the wrongs he's done to you. There is nothing to forgive yourself about at this point (once you've left). You have done the right thing (once you've left) and you are moving on. You will forgive but you will never forget, that's the beauty of it. His actions will teach you what to look for, it will teach you where to set your standards higher, and it will teach you to be strong and independent.
If you don't take good advice like this (and the advice of others who tell you similarly), you will lose all self respect and end up in a horrible situation. i.e.: Married to this guy and then suffering the rest of your life.
And remember this- you do NOT go into marriage thinking if it doesn't work you can get a divorce. You marry because you are ready and willing to spend the REST of your LIFE with that person, for better or for worse... Sounds like he's already dealing you the worst... Move on now.
Good luck!
2007-08-24 16:58:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are trying to forgive yourself but why? HE did this to you! You did NOTHING wrong. I think that you need to sit down and ask yourself why you can't let him go. This is a VERY unhealthy relationship and you're suffering. Why marry someone who makes you suffer. You dont need this in your life. If he's hurt you so bad....speaking from experience....and cheated on you then the wounds wont heal unless you separate yourself and give time a try. Nothing you do no matter how you throw yourself at him will work. I ask also say that my ex who cheated pushed me further away everytime I threw myself at him more! The harder I tried the more he ran and that drove me nuts. I was literally going insane. Save YOURSELF! You are living for a man who is helping to kill you. stop now while you have the chance. Maybe this whole wedding thing can wait a while until you can reevaluate this. You dont want to spend the rest of your life with someone who continues (whether you realize it now or not) to hurt you. because me and my ex were supposed to get married too.....we didn't Im MUCH happier now.
2007-08-24 16:54:31 · answer #3 · answered by LOVE BEING A MOMMY 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question by stating that he won't set a date, and you can't forgive him. Obviously there are still a lot of hurt feelings by him cheating on you, and where there is cheating there is lying and a breach of trust. Trust is very difficult to earn back, and to forgive is even harder.
It also makes me wonder why he won't set a date. It sounds like he is not ready for marriage either, or maybe he is still cheating.
I say end it and move on, in time you will be able to forgive him and trust again but it may take a while. Who knows after kicking him to the curb maybe he will realize what he had and make a change for the good, you may even end up together again after he grows up, but don't bet on it!
Good luck!
2007-08-24 18:43:49 · answer #4 · answered by Reba 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't doing anything wrong- he broke the trust you have for him... period. He did the wrong. And as hard as it may sound, I don't think you should stay with him if you can't get the trust back. I was in a relationship just like this, and decided myself to end it because I didn't have any trust left.
A good book you can read- "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. This book makes complete sense! And, it talks about your "love tank"- yours is not full, and his might not be either, therefore, you will have problems unless you figure out each other's love language and work to satisfy one another. I highly suggest you read this - whether you stay with him or leave him... it would do you good!
You are looking at this as you are the one who did wrong- but hun, he did, not you. Good luck! And please dont' try to rush marriage- especially if he doesn't want to. You both need to be ready.
2007-08-24 16:59:47 · answer #5 · answered by m930 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you want to marry this guy? He doesn't seem to respect you, and if you can't talk to him about what you're feeling, how are you supposed to live with that?
Take some time apart from him and work on yourself. Find counseling. Take an art class. Join a gym.
Make the decision: can you be with him the way he is now? how would he have to change to make things okay again?
Find counseling for the two of you to go to together. The therapist will help you work through your problems and find ways to be honest with one another. If he refuses to go, that's a sign that he may be unwilling to try. Go by yourself.
Good luck!
2007-08-24 16:53:33 · answer #6 · answered by renny 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need therapy....NOW! You are definitely suffering from low self-esteem. A relationship is about two people coming together that support each other, build each other up, enjoy each other's company and help make each other's life better!
Why would you marry someone who would hurt you, betray you and who you could not lean on when you need someone the most? What's the point? Why would you be with someone who makes your life miserable, stressful and sad?
Break it off immediately and find help to determine why you would feel so little of yourself to subject yourself to this emotional turmoil and actually consider a lifetime of it?
Self-esteem and self-confidence will ensure someone will never settle for anyone that doesn't improve or enhance their life....anything less is unacceptable!
Good luck.
From
Happily married with 3 children for 15 years
2007-08-24 16:59:56 · answer #7 · answered by PROF 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do anything but MOVE ON. Get away from this relationship, it is going no where - backwards if anything.
You deserve to have a worry free relationship, no past, no troubles, no forgiveness needed. There are plenty of other fellows out there, stop waisting your time. Leave him and get your life back on track, look after you and stop this crazyness.
You'll be happier you did!
2007-08-24 17:26:08 · answer #8 · answered by Four Up 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you're doing wrong is staying with him in the hopes that things will magically change. They won't. He is who is and you are who you are, and it sounds like you don't really belong together. A relationship you're miserabel in is not a relationship you should stay in. Stop wasting precious time on a relationship that's not all it should be, and go find the right guy for you. He's not it, sweetie.
2007-08-24 18:19:38 · answer #9 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hun all I can say from experience is if its worth working on both sides have to be 100 percent committed to doing so. Sounds to me as if he may not be the right person for your future. Break it off now before you are further down the road and still in the same mess.
2007-08-24 16:51:07 · answer #10 · answered by Gena 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You r relationship sounds like its either over, or on it's way to being over. From what you wrote, he cheated, yet you call him your rock...no, he isn't. Just let go...this is how you want to spend the rest of your life? Honestly, you sound like you're groveling to this man, and truly, that's never a good thing.
2007-08-24 18:30:54 · answer #11 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋