If your boyfriend did this... what would you make of it?

Question

me and my bf both know this girl... he knows her better than i do as i only met her a couple of times and only know her through him.

well, today i found an old phone bill of his dating back 3 months ago (from his mobile phone)! I noticed that on this bill he had texted this girl every single day for one whole month (some of the texts being in the early hours of the morning when i know he was working night shifts!)

I'm not sure if he's still texting her now, but his phone rarely goes off anymore so i doubt that he is! I confronted him about the texts and he replied what's wrong with texting a friend?" and then told me i'm going weird and being silly.

Do you think it's something i should mention to him again? Is it something i should kick up a fuss about because i don't like it?

What do you think? Thanks!

I WAS DATING HIM WHILE THIS HAPPENED! WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A YEAR!

Answer 1

I dont think you should worry about it too much, it was a month ago, and its presumabely stopped now, so ntm to worry about.

Answer 2

As a female with male friends that I call/text often, I can say that I wouldn't respond well if someone had a huge problem with it. In fact, I would resent someone for acting like I was doing something wrong.

HOWEVER...I think you have every right in the world to express your discomfort with the situation! You are in a relationship, and it is important that you keep communication constant and honest. Just be careful how you phrase it. If you seem jealous or "kick up too much of a fuss" over it, he (like most men, or people in general) will get extremely defensive...and most likely it will turn around on YOU.

Be careful how you phrase things (no accusations!!!) and remember that it could be very innocent! If you love and trust him, give him the benefit of the doubt!

Answer 3

I suppose by three months ago you mean before YOU began dating him. If that is correct, then what he did before you and he got together is none of your beeswax. What would you think if he started getting all weird on you about stuff you did yourself before the two of you became a couple?

Let me tell you something..... when you have a boyfriend, in those early days you still do NOT have a solid commitment. You kinda expect the other person to be true to just you, and especially if that is the way you are.. But you don't have any "papers" on each other if ya know what I mean, and only time is going to tell if that person you are with is faithful or not.

Don't make the big fuss or be quizzing him about what he does when the two of you are not together. If he is going to cheat on you, he's going to lie about it anyway. But if you pay careful attention to the way he acts, the way he talks, how often he looks you right in the eye, how often he genuinely smiles in your face as if he means it, you will KNOW.

And.... until you know, if you choose to get into a sexual thing with him... all bets are off. I guess you know that, right?

Answer 4

First off, how long have y'all been together? Cuz if this texting was going on in the early stages of the relationship, i wouldn't worry too much about it since you think it's stopped.

The best-gal friend is always a threat to your relationship; even relationship-counselors agree that really close guy-girl friendships often turn into something more. Trust me, i've worried about it too; however, if you get to know her better and keep your face in the picture, you might feel less insecure about the relationship.

If you're seriously concerned, when you confront your boyfriend, try to speak to him more as a concerned friend than a accusatory girlfriend. Guys hate it if you accuse them in a mistrusting tone. If he did have feelings for her, he's not gonna tell you while yall are fighting; instead, he'll close you out even more. He'll only feel like opening up if he feels safe and that you won't hate him and make him out to be the bad guy if he does have feelings for her.

If he does like her, and hasn't acted on them, you should give him space and let him make his decision (however, no going back and worth in the relationship). If he wants to be with you, you need to let him no that this better be a firm/confident decision and that he won't bail out on you later and change his mind.

If he did do something, i would break up with him immediately no matter how many feelings i had for him, because infidelity is just not acceptable. You might convince yourself that you're very much in love with him; but like with every break-up in life, time heals.

Answer 5

I am going to tell you like this..if you have a good man, and other than those text messages THREE months ago, you haven't found any major flaw..let it go. One thing that we as women need to learn how to do is choose our battles wisely. I know it's hard..especially for those that have come out of a rough past relationship. If you didn't see nothing, and nothing has changed between the two of you..it might not be anything. If it was something, then just remember this..you don't have to poke and ramble for information because whatever is done in the dark will eventually come to the light.

Answer 6

No, i dont think you should "kick up a fuss" because this might only cause a unecessary problem! I would mention this to him and try to find out what's going on but in a calm way. This might only be a friendship, but if you have some doubts then its worth looking into. There should be some trust in a relationship but you never know what's going on.

Answer 7

you're just being insecure and worried. you think that because he texted this girl so much and still knows her now. you think he still has feelings or it was more than just texting. and maybe they still do talk. but hes your boyfriend. and you should just trust him. obviously the whole texting thing is in the past and you shouldnt be worried. if it keeps bothering you then you should tell him and ask what went on between him and the girl. but since he already told you that it's no big deal. you should believe him. and he's right there is nothing wrong with texting a friend. so just trust his words. and its in the past.

Answer 8

You have no way of knowing what he said in the texts so i would just trust him unless he gives you a definite reason not to trust him. I know it'll be hard but if he is doing something wrong it will only get worse and sooner or later you will find out. If you don't notice anything concrete then its nothing to worry about.

Answer 9

It doesn't matter how old you are or your ethnicity...gurl if you smell something fishy then usually another female is not far away from your man. Of course he's going to deny the true relationship with his text mate. I have lots of male friends, and mostly none of them would ever text me every day for one whole month unless they're getting a lil sumsum from the fish market. Gurlfrend, ditch the fool and find another man who will treat you right. Don't ever settle for second best.

Answer 10

im sure it will be fine. he isnt texting her anymore so dont worry too much. Remember he is choosing to be with you not her, they broke up for a reason. Put it to the back of your mind and work on making this a happy relationship so that your insecurity doesnt take over and make it a miserable realtionship. If you both are having fun and get on well you wil build a greater bond and you wont care about his ex. Be happy!

Answer 11

I think he is right what is wrong with him texting a friend THAT YOU KNOW, I mean you know she knows about you. It all depends I would not confront him about the texts but if something more pressing pops up then u have ammo. Why are you surveying his phone bill any way?? If you are in a relationship you should trust him, women that don't trust the man they are with (in unfounded situations) make me mad It is stupid.