please no "bitter" answers just the facts. What do children of divorce miss out on and do they know any better

Question

Ok say the children were babies when their parents got divorced so they have allways known "2 homes". Plus both parents play a active/loving role rasing the kids and both parents get along with each other.Do the kids still wish thier parents were together?As they get older do they get jealous of thier freinds whos parents are married?

Answer 1

I could see some jealousy taking part in the kid's minds because they don't have the "wholesome" family image of mom, dad, brother, sister, ect. all happily living together under one roof.

But I would think that as long as both the parents got along, loved and took part in their children's lives, then the kids' couldn't be missing out on anything but that image thing.

Answer 2

I think that as loving as each parent is, there is still going to be a small amount (if not a large amount) of sadness that a child will have. I didn't know my father until I was 16 and my step father had been around since before I could remember (18 months old) but I still had very strong feelings of sadness and also feeling that it was somehow my fault. Kids come up with the weirdest things, but there is an amount of security lost when the biological mother and father are not together.

That is not to say that they can't still give the child as much security as possible in their new relationships as well as their relationship (friendliness) to each other.

Another thought is that just because having both biological parents raise a child gives more security, it does not help or make things better if they don't get along and are only staying together for the kids or other reasons. That could be more detromental to the children than having "2 homes" and seperate loving parents.

I never wanted to divorce, but when I realized I wasn't happy and not being the best mom I could be, I knew that I had to be happy before I could effectively give to my daughter and raise her to be a well rounded person.

Hope this answers your question.

Answer 3

That sounds like a fairy tale of a divorce situation. Not saying it doesn't happen but divorces where the parents still get along for the kids seem to be few and far between.

In that case the kids are doing pretty well compared to others but they would still miss out on seeing how a long term relationship grows and matures. They'd also miss out on having both parents available 24/7.

Whether they'd miss it or be jealous of friends who have that would depend greatly on the kids and what they wanted out of life.

Answer 4

I have been single 9 years and my kids are 15,12, and 11...two girls and one boy...their dad has had visitation, but it has varied off and on.
I have worked really hard to ensure my kids don't miss out. They get to do everything that their friends do and probably then some.
My ex is remarried and has been for like 7 yrs and my little boy still envisions us getting back together, it will never happen, but I think if I were married he wouldn't feel that way. He worries about his mom I think.
I guess what I am saying is...you can raise well rounded healthy kids without having both parents all the time. But the kids cannot be the reason any couple should stay together.

Answer 5

This is truly based on how the children are raised. My parents divorced when I was 5 and I have been happy about it my whole life. I love them both but they fought badly when they were together. We have had holidays together with both parents and their spouses for years (I am 29 now) and though they are not best friends they get along.

My sister has become very good friends with her ex husband's wife and they have basically raised the kids with 4 parents.

On the flip side, my other sister's husband has a child from a previous marriage and all that child does is try to break up any relationships his father is in. He has become quite good at it. (He is 16yrs old now)

Answer 6

My parents divorced when I was 2 and I didn't know any better so to me it was normal. They remarried when I was 7 and then when I was about 12 they started arguing ALL the time so I was relieved when they finally divorced again. I'm now grown up and have my own kids but I don't feel I've missed out. I see both my parents and they are good friends. If anything it's made me work harder at my relationships.

Answer 7

Ive had mine from 2 months old he is 4 now going on 5 and to tell you the truth he doesn't know any difference . My father died when i was 3 my mother never remarried and i didn't know what it was like to have a dad so i didn't miss out on anything that i know of anyway besides the butt beatings my friends would get from there dads.

I have grown kids also but now that I'm a single dad i think it brought us allot closer that's all we have to depend on is each other so that's kind of special in its own way just me and him against the world . He,s my best friend

Answer 8

i am that person, I have been divorced since my oldest daughter was 1 year old. (my youngest was 6 mo when I left her dad) my kids have always know two different homes. They are ages 9 and 7 and they both wish I was living with the dads, even though they love my boyfriend and everything there is still a small part of them that wants me to be with their dad. I asked my oldest why she said she she didn't have to ever leave the other parent. She told me she feels guilty when she goes to visit her dad cause she misses me and then when she comes home misses her dad and feels guilty cause she can't be with both of us at the same time.

There is no cure for this except reasurance and understanding.

Answer 9

My parents split up when i was 6
I didnt mind having too homes, it's quite common these days anyway.
Most of my friends were jealous of me because i got 2 birthday presents from my parents, i never really wanted them to be together anyway, because they fought :)
Although i was aware my mum and dad werent together, it was still really hard to adjust to them having new partners.
But if the kids were babies, then i dont think that should be a problem either.

Answer 10

My ex and I divorced when my daughter wass 3 mnths old. I have trird very hard to keep things 'normal' for her. But these days there are so many divorced parents that there really is no normal. three years ago my ex moved back to the town we live so he is very involved in her life. We go to school functions together and they are able to see eachother whenever they want. I think it is important to remember that the child should come first, and adults need to set aside their differences when it comes to raising the child.