I just found out that my gf kissed her boss (a guy) while drunk a few weeks back, after going out with guys from work. I've been with my gf for several years and never cheated on her, since never been interested. Apparantly he took her back to the office on the way from the pub because she needed the loo and to freshen up but nothing happened. I found all this out after I checked her email that she sent to her friend. What should I do? She hasn't told me and I don't think she ever will. According to her email to her friend she didn't have sex only kissed, and felt very pressurised by her boss. I'm still so upset and she doesn't know that I know. The thing that bothered me that she has done similar things in the past, just b4 we got engaged, I found out (and she later admited) she has gone out on dates with other guys (not kissed) when I was away on business but nothing happened with them. I forgave her. Should I give her another chance, i love her so much.
2007-08-24 06:32:35 · 24 answers · asked by Mike S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
So what? Stop reading her emails.
2007-08-24 06:37:46 · answer #1 · answered by Theron Q. Ramacharaka Panchadasi 4 · 1⤊ 4⤋
Well this is why it is not a good idea for engaged or married people to interact socially with friends of the opposite sex without their spouse there. You go out, get drunk and loose your inhibition. I don't think her simply being drunk is an excuse for anything. If something is wrong to do when you are sober then it is wrong when you are drunk.
If she would kiss someone now, no matter how much pressure or how drunk she is, then she would do it again, especially if she is drunk. Also it sounds like she has a history of doing this.
I would recommend that you break off the engagement and be grateful you found this up before you were married, and then find yourself a woman with self control and respect for you.
If she killed someone when she was drunk- would she still be held accountable- most definitely she would. So why should this be any different?
2007-08-24 06:50:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off how do you know that she kissed another guy, how do you not know it is not a scheme to make you jealous, sometimes things like that happen. If she did admit to dating other guys and even if she did kiss another guy maybe it was an accident, you never know and to be sure there is more to the story that meets the eye, maybe she has not told you everything. If she truly loves you then she will be true to you and not worry about these other guys, you have to know what is enough and when you can not take anymore, giving her another chance is going to be completely up to you and if you do then you need to tell her what you have decided and hope that she can agree on this. You have to think about this and makes sure that whatever you deiced is what is right.
2007-08-24 06:49:17 · answer #3 · answered by gordonflames242003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, that sucks...
I can tell you what i know from my own experience. A marriage is totally based on trust. Can you trust her has to be the first thing on your mind for a life long contract. It sounds like you have a couple of cases where she has not earned it or has violated that trust.
I was a bartender for 10 years and believe me, being drunk is not an excuse. When you are drunk you do things that you want to do but normally would not. You always see the real person come out, If she says "I was just drunk", that is not an excuse but an admission.
Perhaps she has issues but you need to take care of you first, if she can't deal with the pressure and maturity of a committed, successful relationship, you should not risk this potentially costly commitment.
If she was mature enough and felt secure enough in her relationship with you, she might have told you.
I would not but that "she has gone out on dates with other guys (not kissed) when I was away on business but nothing happened with them" line, how would you know? She is not earning your trust or love or devotion...
There are plenty of other women out there...
Dump her...
2007-08-24 06:45:50 · answer #4 · answered by anim367 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's already doing this before you're married. Marriage doesn't magically change people and remove their bad habits. Your woman gets drunk and fools around with other guys. I'd say this is a dealbreaker. Save the world from another short marriage/ divorce and leave this woman now. It will be very painful to do but years later you will look back and thank yourself that you did it.
2007-08-24 07:28:55 · answer #5 · answered by Jonathan K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am not gonna give you a hard time over checking her emails as you must have had reason not to trust her in the first place and are probably just trying to find out yourself, the way many many people do.
She is not trustworthy so i don't think another chance at this stage is wise, unless you have a break and give her a chance to make some decisions about her commitment.
2007-08-24 06:39:40 · answer #6 · answered by Sarah J 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This story really bothers me. I am also engaged, and I would never dream of doing this to my guy and I couldn't imagin what I would do if he did it to me. Love is blind! And it is going to make you do things you normally wouldn't do (like be so easy to forgive). I don't know what I would do because I have never been in this siuation. I just know that I would never do this. You need to sit down and have a long talk with her. Evaluate your relationship, make sure she wants to be with you, and you with her. And I agree with you about checking the email (you had reason to be in doubt espically if she has went out on dates with other guys).
2007-08-24 08:50:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like there are lots of issues here to be dealt with.
A drunken kiss can happen, but she should be concerned about working for someone who pressures her that way.
You definitely should not be snooping in her email. If you mistrust her enough to do that, then you are not trustworthy either.
Maybe neither of you are ready for marriage yet. Maybe you should step back into a more casual dating situation. and work out the boundaries of your relationship.
If nothing else, an honest conversation about all of this is in order.
2007-08-24 06:48:19 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. Switch 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There are definite trust issues here. You need to bring all of these to the table and discuss them BEFORE you marry this girl. The worst that can happen is that you break off your engagement. That would be the worst case scenario...but in the long run, better now than later.
2007-08-24 06:43:10 · answer #9 · answered by prius2005toy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...this is a tough situation...because if you tell her that you were going through her mail, she will go bananas...but on the other hand, you have to bring this out in the open to get some clarity...I want you to be happy...but she sounds like a loser (no offense!!)...If she has cheated before, it's most likely not going to stop...To me, she seems like the type of girl who wants to have her cake and eat it to...meaning: she loves you, but she also love the excitement of new guys...You need to get this out in the open as quickly as possible...I wish you the best of luck!! And don't worry, it will all work out the way it is supposed to be!! -Emi
2007-08-24 06:42:10 · answer #10 · answered by emeia04 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say if shes done it before and now shes done it again there is every chance the pattern will keep repeating itself. If you forgive her you will live your life always wandering what she is doing and reading things into everything she does. In the end it will drive you mad and drag you down. Find someone who has the ability to say NO because you are her man and that is all she needs.
2007-08-24 07:00:40 · answer #11 · answered by SY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋