Paying on first few dates and going forward...?

Question

Hello,

I was wondering about this.... Ever since a very young age, i never truly understood the concept of of the guy paying for every date. Especially if you see your girlfriend almost every day, it can rack up quite a bit of money. I dated 2 girls in my life that even on the first date they offered to pay half... I didnt let them.. but i LOVED the offer and it gave them more brownie points in my eyes. After a few dates I will let them pay for 1/2 because well for starters i dont make TONS of money and also i think its fair. Whats your opinion? Please post your age and sex.

Thank you,
Adam

Answer 1

I don't go on "first dates" initial get together were I have to pay anything.

Why are you going on first dates? - To get to know one and another better. To see if there is a connection when you're face to face.

Can you do this at a movie? NO

Can you do this at dinner? Maybe but most likely not.

Can you do this at a concert or event? NO

Make first dates inexpensive or free. Why would you invest a lot of time and money into someone you hardly know? To impress?

Well guess what all guys do this. You're just you of many.

However if you show her a good time in a way that no one else ever has than you stand out!

Answer 2

Well it is just the gentlemenly thing to do. I think it all depends on the girl though. Some women get deeply offended if the man pays- usually those are the feminist types though.

As for me- I prefer a gentleman. You know the kind of man who pays for dinner and opens my door. It is just a respect thing. Society has gotten away from that. I believe that it is the husbands place to support the family, the wife should only have to work to supplement the support as a last resort. If a man can't pay for dinner, then how can he support a family? Now that being said, I don't need to go somewhere expensive all the time- Burger King works for me. I will also cook dinner for my boyfriend sometimes, that way we don't always have to go out. I am aware that it can get expensive to go out. So I can be flexible in my dining options. I would not date a guy who asked me to pay for the date, to me that is just not what gentlemen do.

Answer 3

This is a holdover from the old days when women did not have jobs.

It makes a nice impression to pay for the first few dates, especially if you don;t know the girl very well. And if a girl or woman asks out a guy, she should be prepared to pay for them both. When you start hanging together all the time it makes sense to share expenses.

Female, well into adulthood. And how old are you, Adam?

Answer 4

Female
16
The concept of guys paying for what I did during a date, did make me feel bad. I do offer as well, but the guy I am with currently just won't let me do it. We have been together for 2 years and 8 months and I guess that is just the way he is. There was this one several time where we wanted to go out, but he didn't have money so I paid. From there, it was just whoever had money. It's okay if they paid half because it is a date and who knows if you guys are gonna be together...then maybe if you guys thought about it and it's you and her together, then maybe it wouldn't matter who paid.

Answer 5

Ultimately, this is up to the couple - there is no one "right" answer for everyone.
Sure, it's *fair* that everyone pay their own way... but sometimes you do things because they are nice, not fair. The man paying for the date is his way of showing "I know you could pay for yourself, but I want to treat you, I want to show you that you are special to me." It's doing it not because you have to or ought to, but because you want to.

Also, keep in mind that even though you don't "make tons of money", women on average still earn only 70% of what men in the same field earn, so there is an economic disparity here.

I'm financially independant, so I obviously don't *need* a man to treat me to anything... but that's the very reason why I like it when he does. If you take care of yourself in all the important things, it's nice to let someone treat you to the little things. For example, you could make your own chicken soup when you're sick... but isn't it so much nicer and taste so much better when your mommy does it for you? It's nice to be cherished.

Also, when I first started dating, all my guy friends told me that a girl offering to pay half was a clear sign that she wasn't interested in the guy, it was her attempt to keep the date as platonic and friends-only as possible. They said it was okay for her to pay for smaller things, the tip at dinner or the popcorn at the movies, but that the main "treating" was the guy's gift and it would be rude to refuse that gift. They said that paying half should wait until they were an established couple.

Like I said, it's up to you, whatever you feel comfortable with, it's not wrong or right. Just remember that everyone has different preferences, and you'll have to be willing to compromise with the preferences of the woman you want to keep.

Female, on the cusp of 30

Answer 6

26/F
I think the man should pay on the first 3-5 dates. Even if the girl offers, pay. When things get a little more comfortable, the man and woman can alternate paying or go dutch.
I like my boyfriend's policy - when he invites me to go out to dinner/movie/etc., he pays. When I invite him, I pay. Pretty simple.
Don't worry about it too much. I hear you on the money issue...dating is expensive! If the girl you're dating is cool, she won't have a problem splitting the cost with you once you've gotten to know each other a little better.

Answer 7

I think it is totally fair. If she is really into you just as you would be of her then I think the right thing for her to do is offer. If she doesn't well let's just say maybe she is after something else or using you. I'm 18 and I am a female. I would not ask her to pay for half though. Wait for her to offer after maybe 3 dates and if she doesn't then I would not keep her around. Or do other things with her until you can REALLY figure out what she wants.

Answer 8

I'm 23. Male. I am old school. The gentleman should always pay. This is not about having control over the woman. It is what's right. However, one of the coolest things a woman can do is to spring for the tab out of the blue. It makes me feel secure because she shows that she is not a gold digger.

Answer 9

I'm a male and 19 years old. In my opinion on the first date it should be mandatory that it is split. I'm not into the whole paying for a girl because it puts such a weird pressure on the date. It affirms that it is a date and that it should end with a kiss or a rejection. I like a more relaxed atmosphere that is based just on two people enjoying each other's company.

Answer 10

I think a man should still pay the first few dates, but after that I agree with you. In many cases, I make more money than the men i'm dating and feel guilty if I don't pick up my own tab. If they refuse...that's great! Otherwise, I don't mind one bit.

31F