Man I am involved with has ex wife money problems?

Question

I have been dating this guy almost six months his ex wife uses the kids to call him to get a few extra hundred dollars even thought he voluntarily sends a large amount of child support and she still isnt working.I dont like it at all. I wonder how many more times he is going to let her keep doing this. She really takes advantage since 2 of the 3 kids aren't his but he loves them like his own. Do I wait and see or just straight up ask him how long hes going to keep rescuing her? Things are good between us and what happens when our relationship progresses and if were engaged, livng together I cant see standing by and watching this happen. What would you say or do?

Please read all of the details folks. He was bothered by it and talked to me about it. We have already talked about the future together do no I am not jumping the gun

She is not his family they are divorced.

Answer 1

It's very unlikely he's going to change. And the situation will not get magically better should you live together, get engaged or married. You need to ask yourself accept whether you can handle being with him while he continues to do this. Sounds like you can't. Is this bad enough to be a dealbreaker for you?

But for your own peace of mind, you should discuss this ahead of time like all financial issues. See what he says. And if he says he'll stop, wait and see what he DOES, and if it matches what he says.

What you don't want to do is marry him with the false expectation he'll change, and be mad at him for not changing. You knew going in he was like this.

Answer 2

Instead of the money he should ask "what do the kids need" then go get it for them.

This is the reality of dating someone with kids. Understand that he isn't necessarily rescuing her but supporting the kids.
As far as how many more times this will happen - a lot. He's agreed to take care of the kids and it's going to be until the last one is out of college. Until then you are #2 in his life. The kids will always come first.

This is one of many reasons why I am very reluctant to date anyone with kids. You obviously haven't gotten to the stage where the kids are actively trying to sabotage your relationship with him. It can get worse.


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Answer 3

Get used to it , with kids involved it will probably keep happening. You can discuss it with him but frankly what money he gives his ex for "his kids" which he obviously considers them is his business. You can either deal with it or not. The man is seeing to it that these children are being taken care of properly and instead of commending him for it you are complaining because it doesn't fit in with what you want. If you don't want these types of problems, date someone who doesn't have kids.

Don't kid yourself, she had his child she will always be a part of his family. And you reread the details, nowhere in there do you say he is bothered by it.

Answer 4

i wouldn't say anything. this is a relationship that was before you and they have to work it out the way that it works best for them. if he didn't want to send money he would not ( guilt or not guilt ) if you are not comfortable and obviously are worried about what the future holds i would consider moving on.... if you are already worried about stuff what do you think is in store for you later on??? another way to look at is like this... if he still is taking care of his responsibilities above and beyond... then maybe that says something about his character... you should either find peace with his decisions or move on...

Answer 5

as a exchange of the money he ought to ask "what do the infants desire" then pass get it for them. that's the actuality of courting somebody with young infants. comprehend that he's not inevitably rescuing her yet helping the infants. so a ways as how many greater circumstances this could take place - a lot. he's agreed to shelter the infants and it is going to be until the final one is out of faculty. until then you are #2 in his existence. the infants will continually come first. that is unquestionably one of various clarification why i'm very reluctant as much as now all people with young infants. You for sure have not gotten to the point the place the infants are actively attempting to sabotage your courting with him. it may worsen. ...

Answer 6

Well I would go beat the crap out of the ex wife first of all.... Women that take advantage of a man that is so stupid he can't say no.. If he is already paying child support then he shouldn't be giving her extra money.. What is he stupid??? You need to talk to him

Answer 7

Why are you mad at him for supporting his family? You need to check yourself. He's doing the right thing, and being a nice guy and going above and beyond. Quit being selfish. He'll probably do the same for you when your marriage with him doesn't work out.

Answer 8

I don't know if only being with him for 6 months constitues it as your business. You may be jumping the gun with the talk of relationship progression, moving in, engagement scenario.

Answer 9

You need to tell him exactly how you feel about the situation. He needs to understand that though it is great that he takes care of the children that he loves as his own, he can't continue to be her knight in shining armor if your relationship is going to have a future.

Answer 10

i would tell him 2 tell her 2 go get a job and stop takin money off him!! if u get married 2 this bloke and dont say anything soon it'll be ur money!! say something!!