Am I out of line??

Question

Ok so here is my scenario...I just got engaged July 24th and we set our date for October 10, 2008. In my opinion, it is too early for me to pick bridesmaids, but I have a general idea of who will be in it. My fiance's brother is in our wedding and he has been dating this girl fror about 2 years. She came up to me yesterday and told me that she is jealous and would not approve if he walked down the aisle with anyone but her...She basically told me she was being in my wedding. I was really calm and told her that I hadn't made any decisions yet, but truly I was really offended. I don't want her to be mad at me, but I don't think she has the right to tell me she is in my wedding. What should I do?

And on top of that, she e-mailed me about 20 minutes later and said :oh yeah and what I was talking to you about I also would like him to sit by me when we eat so I can tell him how handsome he is...


After that I kind of freaked out and told my mom that the hooch wasn't invited @all

And I don't meant that she isn't invited, of course I would invite her out of respect for my fiance's brother...I just don't want to!

And I'm sure they will still be together because it has already been two years and this is how it has been from the beginning. She is very jealous of the idea of us getting married because her boyfriend told her he isn't big on marriages and it would just be a waste of his time and money.

Answer 1

I think you handled it very well and you should just pull to the side and let her know that this is your wedding and you have picked people who have influenced you in your life and have always be there for you ( Your very sorry but you decide not to have her in the wedding ) You come out on top but polite, let her sit with him and give her something else that is special to do. Then you have no worries about her and if she causes a seen let it be known this is your wedding put your foot down and say no. You tried it the nice way and she needs to grow up and have a little trust in her relationship. There only holding arms not down an isle and up maybe a dance and to stand next to each other during pic. Hoped I helped! Good luck and best wishes too you.

Answer 2

Wow. (boggles at the absurdity and insecurity of some people) The last time I was a bridesmaid, I was engaged to my husband and walked up and down that aisle with a guy I'd never seen before and have never seen since. He seemed nice, certainly, but I hardly remember what he looked like and I can't imagine he's spent much time thinking about me, either.

Okay, if it gets to down to time to send invitations and this girl is still with your fiance's brother, it would be terribly rude not to invite her. If a couple are known to be in a long-term relationship, it's only right and proper to invite both halves of the couple.

However, there is absolutely no reason for you to have her as a bridesmaid, seat her at the head table, or in any way accomodate her frankly disturbing behavior.

This woman has no right whatsoever to tell you how to plan your wedding. She has no right to inform you of her role in the day or your seating arrangements.

You handled the situation correctly. You didn't return offense for offense, but reminded her of who is in charge here. That is what you should do anytime she brings up the subject again. Tell her you haven't made that decision yet, or tell her that you've made your own decision, thank you very much. Don't be rude, don't be combative, but sure as hell don't allow her to run rougshod over you.

And if she continues to be this hysterical for the next year, it's entirely possible you won't need to invite her after all, because your fiance's brother will decide she's too high maintenance.

Just remember: everyone has an opinion about your wedding plans, but they're your wedding plans to make.

Answer 3

Wow. That's possibly one of the most rude things I've ever heard of. I don't think I would have been as polite as you were. Good for you for holding your tongue. Unfortunately, you did the right thing by not flipping out on her right then and there. I honestly wouldn't do anything about it right now. No use stirring up the pot. Just be as polite as you can possibly manage and do your best not to confront her. Hopefully she'll get the idea when you don't ask her to be a bridesmaid. If she asks why, tell her politely that you had obligations to ask your longtime friends and family and could only have so many bridesmaids. As for where your fiance's brother will sit during the reception, that's none of her business either. I've had to sit away from my fiance at a wedding before. Many girls have. She'll just have to put her big girl panties on and get over it. If she says anything about that, I would act as if I thought she was joking before when she said all that. Surely she couldn't have been rude enough to be serious? If she gets mad, she's an immature little bratty baby and you need not worry about her feelings. Hopefully your fiance's brother will get the hint that if she's behaving this badly when someone else gets married, that he doesn't want to see how she behaves when SHE gets married.

Answer 4

lol...I know this isn't funny but actually it is. I would make it clear to your fiance that he needs to tell his brother what is going on with his "girlfriend" and to tell her if she wants to go to the wedding at all, she is to keep her mouth shut. She is way out of her place. Your wedding is over a year away and you are already having problems with her....this is not good. Her "reason" for sitting by him is lame. She can tell him anytime during the whole event she thinks he is handsome. She is very controlling and he needs to know this. Quite frankly this could be a breaking point in their own relationship if he has the backbone to stand up to her. Then you do not have to worry about her at all. Wouldn't that be a great thing. :)

I agree with you on waiting to pick bridesmaids. You just got engaged...enjoy that for a while before you start making any hard and fast plans. Things change over time. I have seen tons of questions on here about what to do when you've picked a bridesmaid then something happened and she proved to not be such a great friend. How do you tell her she is no longer in the wedding. You want to avoid this.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Wow. That's definitely an awkward situation. First, do you really even know the girl? I'm guessing you don't know her very well, if at all considering it's your fiance's brother's girlfriend. She is obviously jealous if she doesn't even want him walking down the aisle for 5 seconds with another girl. Just tell her it's too early for you to choose bridesmaid, besides it's in a little over a year, things can change by then- you may have different friends, the brother and her may not even be together anymore. Just tell her straight up that you have not made any decisions yet because it is too early to plan all of that, but you'll take what she says into consideration. Don't just uninvite her though because you may be risking making the brother upset and not coming. Just make it to where she will sit with him but not be a bridesmaid- THIS IS YOUR WEDDING NOT HERS.

Answer 6

1. Don't freak out -- you'll have more problems and worse problems yet in connection with the wedding

2. Remember you've got to live with people afterwards, so don't be guilty of alienating them needlessly

3. Bridesmaids are there to help the bride and they're usually the bride's closest friends for many years

4. The best man is there to help the groom. It's his task for the day. Presumably the groom works. He's not with his girl friend when he's working and may even have to deal with the odd female when he's working. A wedding is WORK for the best man, the groomsmen, the maid of honour and the bridesmaids.

5. Yes, you should invite the best man's girfriend (whoever that may be -- the invitation should say "and partner" to the wedding, but she can't expect any of his attention that day and it's wrong for her to ask it or him to give it.

6. Be firm but nice to her about the roles of bridesmaids and best man.

7. Keep your cool. She may be an ex-girlfriend by then, anyway.

Answer 7

U were absolutely right in not inviting the hooch(lol). This is your wedding, not the hoochie's, u r a lot calmer than I am in this area because I would have told her where to get off right then and there, I would include your brother's fiance and leave her complete out of it period, including not inviting her because I would not want that type of negative element on what is suppose to be "one of the happiest days in my Life", and to think she has the audacity to tell u what to do and how to do at your own wedding, this has perturbed me and its not even my wedding, I would not tolerate her actions what so ever, your wedding will be lot peaceful without her presence because if she doesn't bully her way into what she wants,or, how she wants it, she may very well try to sabotage the events of your wedding. "STAND YOUR GROUND ON THIS ONE". And, I wish you and your future husband to be all the Love,Peace,Joy, and happiness life has to offer U both! The best thing she could do for U both is to be mad at U and hopefully she won't say anything else to U(lol).

Answer 8

No, you're not out of line, and I absolutely don't think she needs to be in your wedding. I do think however, that if you don't invite her at all, your fiance's brother may be upset about that.

Really, your fiance's brother needs to decide if he is willing to walk down the aisle with someone else if you ask him to. If you ask him to walk with someone else and he's ok with it but his girlfriend has a problem, he will have to deal with it. He may be able to reason with her and get her to see that it's ok for him to walk with someone else. They are just WALKING. If your fiance's brother thinks like the girlfriend and he won't agree to walk with someone else you could have the guys start out in front with your fiance and have the girls walk down the aisle alone. Just a suggestion though, it's your wedding, so it's really whatever you want.

Like you said, you haven't made your final decision about bridesmaids yet, so you might just give it some time before worrying about it. But it doesn't sound like you will ever want to put the girlfriend in it. I say, talk to your fiance (who i'm sure will support you) and the two of you can talk to the brother who is hopefully more reasonable of a person than the girlfriend. If he agrees with you, or at least understands your position, then he can deal with the girlfriend.

I hope it all works out! congrats!

Answer 9

OMG.. Well first of all its your wedding I am sure you will want your friends to be bridesmaids. Not some girls that you really don't even know . You need to be straight with her right from the start. Tell her thanks for her opinion but you already have bridesmaids in mind. Do not worry about her liking you anyone who is that jealous I think you don't want around anyway. She has to get over the whole sitting thing because as we all know the groomsmen sit at the bridle table... Don't be intimidated by her if she gets rude just say look this is my wedding when you have yours do what you want. And leave it at that.

Answer 10

She was defiantely out of line to just put herself into your bridal party, but there's no need to totally un-invite her. You're right, it is too early to be planning much of anything yet, unless you're going to have a humongous affair with 10 attendants and 500 guests. I'd say wait at least a month for this wierd thing with her to blow over, ignore her emails about seating chart suggestions, and choose your own bridal party based on who your best friends are and who you want to stand up with you on yoru day, not on a jealous girlfriend.

Anyway, if she's that posessive and jealous, chances are, by the time your wedding rolls around, he'll have seen the light and dumped her anyway.

Personally, I would wait until at least October of this year to begin picking anything out, and use the few months up to then to just look at a bit of everything. Who knows, you may decide you don't want any attndants at all, or you only want two. Or maybe the attendants will walk individualy or something, so the crazy girl won't have to worry about her boyfriends arm touching one of your cousins, or something.