She never really asked, she just assumed and started making plans. She is getting married on the beach, with a total of 15 guests. She is on a very tight budget and expects me to spend a fortune, between the dress (roughly $110), hair ($55), nails ($25), shoes ($45) while she can't even ditch out $100 for her dress!!!!
Her wedding is only a few months away and I don't know what to tell her especially since we work together! I don't want to create a stressful work environment between her and I.
What should I do?
2007-08-24 04:32:26 · 19 answers · asked by Doodles 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Obviously, she has no one else to support her. If there are only 15 guests coming, that tells you that she has no one here locally to invite... let alone make up a wedding party.
Since you work with her - you are in a tough position. If I were you, I'd "take one for the team" and just go through with being her bridesmaid and feel a little sorry for her in the back of your mind. Consider it your charitible contribution or something. If you dont go through with it - you will have it on your mind and potentially create conflict for years to come.
2007-08-24 04:42:47 · answer #1 · answered by Valerie H 4 · 10⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that someone has put you in the position of having to choose.
While you don't know this young lady very well, it sounds as though you are aware of her financial situation.
Sine the beach is the venue, then without sounding ungrateful for the honor she has given you, I would tactfully explain to her that since this is a beach wedding, she actually doesn't need a bridesmaid. Tell her that she would be better served going it alone but that you would be happy to come to the wedding and help out if needed.
Maybe everyone in the office can chip in for her if she is in need of decorations etc. Organize a decorating party or something. Just let it be known now that you really don't want the responsibility of being a bridesmaid and that a beach wedding is just as beautiful without one.
I think that since you work with this young lady, being tactful at this point is in the bigger picture. Suggest lunch together one day and go over everything. Make sure you have information at hand etc, like the fact that most brides buy gifts for their wedding party etc and since she is on a tight budget then why not eliminate that item from the list. If she mentions something about signing or being a witness, tell her that the mothers would love that honor.
Good luck.
2007-08-24 06:00:41 · answer #2 · answered by psstoffagain 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's not much you can do your in a tight situation. I would tell her that you don't have the money for everything, and that you want to look for some less expensive dresses, shoes, etc. Don't do anything while your a work, that's not the place. If she gets upset that you don't have the money then she may release you from being a bridesmaid. I wouldn't tell her that you think that you guys aren't close enough, that would really hurt and it would be awkward for he rest of the time you work together. Good luck with this weird situation situation.
2007-08-24 04:43:10 · answer #3 · answered by pditty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not right for her to make you pay for your hair and nails. That's a little overboard- especially I feel for a beach wedding. I would talk to her, and let her know how you feel. Tell her you can't afford to pay to get your hair and nails done and would like to do them yourself, or if you must, she would need to cover the cost of those. You are completely being reasonable by doing that.
I was just in my friend's wedding- dress was 200, shoes 40, gift for bridal shower 50, and for wedding too- 50. Everyone except me got their hair professionally done- I just couldn't afford it, and nobody could tell that I did it myself! I also gave myself a french manicure- it looked great! But it save me some money since I had to dish out a lot just to be in her wedding. Oh - I didn't mention all the lunches we had with her as well... and at very classy restaurants so that was also extra money out of my pocket.
Be honest! :)
2007-08-24 09:46:14 · answer #4 · answered by m930 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a hard one since you have let her believe the assumption you would go along with it. You will not be able to get out of it completely.
Your best bet would be to sit her down and tell her while you would love to share in her special day, you just do not have the funds available to participate as one of the wedding party but would feel honored to be a guest.
2007-08-24 04:43:33 · answer #5 · answered by tinyavenger 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you were never asked, and you never said yes or no, you have nothing to worry about.
If she says anything, just state that "you never asked me to be your bridesmaid", then, if she asks, say "I'm sorry but I do not have any time to be a bridesmaid in your wedding".
I also agree with fizzy. You should have stated as soon as she started assuming that you would be a bridesmaid that you could not be in the wedding.
2007-08-24 04:52:56 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you find the same items on ebay? That may help with the cost aspect. Perhaps she doesn't have a lot of friends... With such a small guest list, it makes me wonder if she doesn't have that many people in her life. If that's the case, I'd say if there is any way you can pull it off, just go for it. You don't have to give her additional gifts.
2007-08-24 04:45:23 · answer #7 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should casually ask so who are your bridesmaids going to be? And when she mentions you... kinda stand aback and say oh I am not sure that would be a good idea having me as a bridesmaid. I am a horrible drunk and I have had my eye on your man since i laid eyes on him hubba hubba. No just kidding. I would explain that an intimate wedding is a special occasion and you would feel uncomfortable being a work associate and intruding on that special occasion. if that doesn't work add the hubba hubba thing.
2007-08-24 04:47:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree that you should not have accepted her assumption. You could have just told her that you already had plans (whether you did or not) or that you were going to be out of town. You have already accepted...so... tell her that you cannot afford the total fees for being her bridesmaid. Tell her that she will have to pay for at least half of the total cost or you will have to gracefully resign as her bridesmaid b/c up cannot afford it.
2007-08-24 04:44:34 · answer #9 · answered by gorgeous 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can tell her you don't have the money right now to incur those expenses. Or that you have alot going on and you don't have the time in your schedule to help her and fulfill your bridesmaid duties. Or you can plan a trip that weekend and tell her you have plans.
2007-08-24 05:29:57 · answer #10 · answered by barelyblue82 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋