Should I still have my sister in law sing in my wedding?

Question

The day that I was going to pick up my wedding dress, my brother and his wife wanted to come, apparently not to share in the joy of picking up the beautiful dress, but to announce they are pregnant with their 3rd child. And it is due 5 days before my wedding. My sister in law is saying she still wants to sing in the wedding, I told her no because we don't even know if she will be able to, seeing as how she is giving birth days before the wedding. She says that I should plan on her but have a back up just in case, and I don't want to ask someone to sing on a pending basis especially when I can't let the 'alternate' know for sure until days before the wedding. Now my whole family is acting like I am rude and not thinking logically... am I?

Answer 1

I think it's unfair to ask someone to be the understudy for the "Wedding Singer." I also think it's tacky to hijack someone else's special occasion to make your own announcement...somewhat akin to announcing your pregnancy at your big sister's bridal shower.

If you're canning her because of her rudeness in hijacking your occasion, I'd be more forgiving. Newly expecting parents get a little giddy. If you're canning her out of an honest concern for the awkwardness of asking someone to be an understudy, that's fair enough.

Answer 2

This is YOUR wedding - hopefully the only one you will ever have - you have every right to do what makes you most comfortable - My B-I-L & his wife planned their wedding for July 22 a few years back and their baby was due Sept. 13 - baby came on July 18 - they still got married - but his wife was so exhausted she almost passed out. The timing is just too close. You may want to pre-record her singing to play in case she can't be there or ask her to sing a song at the reception instead of the actual ceremony and have someone else sing at the ceremony - if it turns out that she can't sing at the reception then it's not a big deal because there isn't a program for the reception. Good Luck and rest assured that for YOUR day - whatever YOU decide is right - despite what your family thinks!

Answer 3

Have you ever sung at a funeral? I have had to sing at my grandfather and great-grandmother's funerals. To be able to get through those without losing it was a huge feat. What I did was drink a lot of water (partly so I all I could think about was peeing instead of the situation-- sounds weird I know). The other thing I did was use the music in front of me. This way when you feel like you're welling up inside, focus on the song and stare at the sheet music instead of looking up at the people to whom you are giving such a special gift. At that point focusing in your mind on your singing technique (posture, deep breathing, where your hands are, etc...) will help as well. Remember that they asked you to sing at their wedding. Music is the best (and cheapest!) gift one can give to their loved ones. Good luck!

Answer 4

As a wedding vocalist, I thnk you are doing the right thing. It's one thing to be a guest at a wedding when you just had a baby or are going to have one any day, it's a complete other thing to have a job to do for the wedding to go on smoothly.

Having done many weddings myself, I would not agree to be a back up because I could accept another paying job that same day so why wait and see what going to happen to your first choice. Then you may end up with no singer at all.

I would suggest a compromise though, you may want to hire other musicians and ask them if they would mind having her sing WITH them if she is available. That way if she can make a rehearsal and is available it will work out, and if she can't make it you still have it covered!

I have worked with lots of "sisters" and "cousins" etc, as long as she is experienced it would not be a problem. (If she has never sung at a wedding you may want to rething it.)

Don't worry about the rest of your family they will get over it, it's your day and you can't please everyone!

Good luck!

Answer 5

Tell the sister thank you but she can sign back up or with who ever else you can find you don't want her to feel stressed out or want her in any pain after the birth you know it has to be hard for her you want her to just enjoy the day and relax if she like to get up an sing with the other person then fine if no her choice. Then it sounds like you care about her well being and it covers you and things will run smooth as planned!! If she sings ok if not no biggie. Good Luck and Best Wishes.

Answer 6

I agree with you one hundred percent your wedding date should not have to depend on her due date. An I know the day will go on with out her if you get a back up but who wants to be a back up. I think if she was considerate she will understand. Get someone else your day is going to be stressful enough if her water breaks at your wedding. Hope everything turns out okay and if she is upset explain to her that you don't need the extra worries.

Answer 7

Babies rarely arrive exactly when expected so there's an excellent chance your sister-in-law will either have the baby early, or even more likely be overdue and therefore also still able to be there.

If you definitely want someone to sing, how about having another person confirmed at a different point in your ceremony. That way it's okay if your sister-in-law can't make it since you'll still have a singer and if she does make it, you'll have 2 songs which isn't too much.

Or, you could see if your sister-in-law would like to do a duet and the other person agree to sing it as a solo if her partner is giving birth.

Or, have a video of your sister-in-law singing the song as a back up, in case she can't be there in person.

The odds are definitely in favour that your sister-in-law can make it and she wants to do it and you originally wanted her as well, so I'd encourage you to still have her and consider one of the options I've given.

Answer 8

No you were in no way rude. You are totally right. This is "YOUR" day not your sister in law's debut. It is not her day. Tell your family (in laws) how you feel and your husband to be should be sticking up for you by the way. They are being totally unreasonable on this note. What if your sister in law went into labor when she was in the middle of singing at your wedding. Ask this to your in-laws family see when they come up with. I'd love to know what they say. Good luck dear and remember IT'S YOUR DAY.

Answer 9

No. Stand your ground, if you sister in law is due that close to your big day. Find someone else to sing. Tell her that her health and the well being of both her and the baby are important to you.
And that you do not want her to have to worry about singing. And to let you deal with getting someone else.

Answer 10

I suppose ultimately you have to ask yourself, how important is having someone sing at the wedding? You could just go with your Sister in Law and then if she can't make it than just chuck the singer all together. That would be the easiest thing.

But....

I don't think a bride should have to think rationally. And also, this is your special day. It is your time to shine. It is the only wedding you are ever going to have so if anyone in your family wants to criticize you for being a little put out by your sister in law than they can shove it.

Although....

I am sure you are a good person and want to make everyone happy. It's not unusual for the bride to have to make sacrifices to make the entire family happy.

It's a difficult situation and I don't envy you. But, personally I would tell them, this is my day. I deserve to have what I want. I think you guys should help me to make it smooth and comfortable for me first and for everyone else later.

Good luck.