Help!! My daughter's embarrassing problem!?

Question

My five year old is soon starting Year One of School and lately I have noticed she has being wetting and soiling her knickers , sometimes in the house and once or twice when we were out and about. I have tryed talking to her and finding out what the root of the problem is but she says she doesn't know why she does it. I have a feeling it is due to her not wanting to miss out on anything and leaving it to the last minute therefore she cannot hold it in any more. I am so worried and embarrassed for her and what will happen at school about being teased about it. Any (serious) suggestions please?

Answer 1

I feel for you, and her.
My daughter just turned 5 in June. Before that, she was pretty much fully trained, we took our time with potty-training as she was born with a cleft lip/palate, has had 7 surgeries so far, and we had other priorities...
Anyway... For a few months she was soiling her panties, and it was the most frustrating time for me. She was already using the toilet well, so I didn't know what was wrong.
I checked out a board on ivillage and found a possiblity. Took my daughter to the pediatrician, and sure enough, it was encopresis. It's pretty much a physical and stress condition, in which a child who has already been toilet trained will start soiling. She was, essentially, constipated, and what was coming out was just what was being blocked. Thankfully we were able to treat it easily and she is back to being herself.
Take your daughter to the pediatrician. Part of it COULD be that she doesn't want to miss out on anything, that was part of my daughter's problem. Tell the ped what is going on, he/she WILL be able to help you out with this, I assure you.
I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

I would say you are probably on track as far as why you think she is having this problem. Many kids have this same issue due to not wanting to, as you said, miss out on any of the action and thereby neglecting the urge that they need to use the restroom. The easiest solution is to start reminding her that maybe it's time to go use the restroom. Even if she says she doesn't have to go, take her in there regardless and have her try to go most likely she will be able. Kids have smaller bladders and must go more frequently than adults, so start asking here to use the restroom every hour and a half and if that works stick with that amount of time. Then when school starts have a private chat with her teacher about the issue and tell her what worked for you and what didn't and I guarantee the teacher will have no problem with giving your daughter just a little reminder to use the potty. Good luck and I hope you find the solution this can be a very embarrassing thing for kids to go through especially when they begin to make friends.

Answer 3

My daughter (5) has done this on occasion for exactly the reason you mentioned; she holds it until it is too late. So I make her go sit on the toilet, even if she says she doesn't want to, before we leave the house or if I have noticed that it's been a while since she has gone. Talk to her teacher and explain that she has a tendency to do this. Most teachers have a lot of experience in this department anyway and will know how to handle it. Make sure and pack an extra pair of clothes in her bookbag. I'm sure she will grow out of it soon, especially once starting school.

Answer 4

She may not be able to tell you why she is wetting herself, but it sounds as if she has been potty trained for a while and this is something new. It could be for attention which is common. While we may think the child is getting plenty of attention, the perception is coming from the child and they may not think so. Also, she could be scared about school, so maybe talking to her about school and finding out if she's scared of anything will help. If you can't correct the issue by the time school starts, make sure you send a change of clothes with her. Its not uncommon for children of her age to wet themselves at school (especially during nap time). As harsh as it sounds, perhaps her getting embarrassed by her actions and teased at school will motivate her to go to the potty. Peer pressure can be used to get positive behavior from kids too. Either way, your child knows that her behavior is unacceptable (or should) and some punishment maybe needed. Not spanking, but take away a favorite toy, or activity and tell her she can have it back when she stops wetting herself. Motivate her to make the right decision.

Answer 5

After years of being well potty trained, I started doing this in third grade. Though I couldn't have told you why at the time, here's some of the reasons: I was bored, I was too busy trying to do other things than school, I was unhappy at school...etc. That said, I didn't do it more than three or four times tops (yes, I'm stubborn) because I never wanted to have anyone else find out and make fun of me. Plus, it got really embarrassing really quickly when Mom had to bring changes of clothes to school for me. I don't know that you need to do much about it other than love her and remind her to use the bathroom (her teacher can do this too) - the natural consequences should take care of it for you. If they don't, I agree with other people - time to go to the doc and see if there's something wrong medically or a deeper emotional issue exists that your daughter doesn't have the capacity to tell you about. Good luck! (:

Answer 6

I have the same fear for my youngest son who is starting preschool this year. I don't know that there is really anyway around it. I mean, I guess being parents we want to protect them from everything, and it horrifies us and hurts us to think that our babies will be picked on by others, but that is part of growing up. Chances are, she won't be the only one who wets herself, and while she may get teased a little, I'm sure it won't stick. I mean, I remember this girl in my first grade class that would pick her boogers and eat them right in front of everyone, and she went on to have TONS of friends and be one of the "popular" girls, and not once after first grade that is, do I remember anyone teasing her about the booger thing. So maybe this will be a good thing, it may teach your daughter (and my son) that they need to take the time out to run to the potty instead of wetting themselves. I know, it's hard to watch your baby go through something like this but sometimes we have to. We can't protect them forever. Best wishes, and I hope that your daughter does well in the school year to come!

Answer 7

I've had this problem with my daughter for a year now and the problem is just starting to resolve itself. When she first started school, she seemed to be holding off going to the toilet until she 'dribbled' a bit making her realise that she suddenly needed to go 'now' It wasn't very much but enough to make her damp and byt the end of the day especially in warm weather I worried about the smell. Also she wasn't wiping herself properly after going for a number 2 so was getting a mess in her knickers. We established it wasn't a nervous or worry problem with school by talking to the teachers and to her and they were happy for her to bring in clean underwear every day and a carrier bag so that she could change so she didn't get uncomfortable. They also made a point of asking her quietly if she needed to go to the toilet and helping her to realize she wouldn't be missing anything by going at that point. It really seemed to be a holding until she couldn't hold anymore problem in case she missed out.
I have tried not to make a fuss about it and have heaped praise on her if she manages to keep dry all day. We are almost there and I was told that it is a common problem with young girls.
My daughter was never teased at school and I have always told her that it is nothing to be embarrassed about. She will grow out of it with encouragement and praise.

Answer 8

Hi hotcakes,
My son had the exact same issue. He would wait too long, start his bus ride, and have an accident as soon as he reached the after-school program. It was a very uneasy time and I was embarrassed for him.

His pediatrician wasn't much help in this area so I turned to other parents for advice.

I spoke with his teacher, made sure he was directed to the restroom before that afternoon bus ride. In the morning, getting him dressed, I made sure to mention going to the restroom as soon as he felt like he had to go. These were very simple suggestions, but they worked.

I was also told to mention how "embarrassing" it would be to have an accident in front of his classmates. That one was hard. I didn't want to give him a complex or make him anxious about it, and held off saying anything this harsh. Luckily after just a few short conversations - he grew out of it.

The anxiety must be something every parent faces when their child starts school. You both will survive it.

good luck ~

Answer 9

You May Be Right, But If You Daughter Still Insists She Doesn't Know Why It Happens She May Have A Medical Problem, So It Would Be A Good Idea To Take Her To A Doctor.

Answer 10

Maybe she is anxious about starting school. There could be so many reasons.

The first thing I would do is to rule out any medical problems by taking her to a doctor. Then make a really big deal of the times that she uses the bathroom, praise her and tell her what a big girl she is, then when she has an accident ignore it but help her to clean herself up.

Find out what is on her mind, if it is school then maybe it would be an idea to start to practise getting up, getting dressed, taking the trip to school, talk to her about the things she will do, and maybe get her to meet with some of her new class mates.