grief......how do u cope when its someone elses?

Question

recent widower boyfriend hasnt dealt with his grief.....says his head is spinning and is not sure if he can cope with our relationship. he thought he was ready but now he isnt. why did he do this 3 months after we met......does it get easier being surrounded by the death of his loved one? wondering if this stage passes......and how can i help him?

Answer 1

Maggie, I'm an older male. Always thought women placed to many demands on men. Having said all that, I think you need to try and find others. If your not placing demands on him, like going out to dinner, or movies or whatever, then you need to play the field a bit. I had a sister that died. Took me a least a year to be able to deal with it. Still think about her. Having someone there would have been a good thing. That's provided they weren't telling me to cheer up, or let's do this tonight and you'll feel better, or that she's in a better place now. A little of that stuff, once a week would be okay, but not any more frequent.

Answer 2

Sometimes it can take years to overcome the grief felt following the loss of a loved one. There seem to be different stages of grief, for instance, anger is a common reaction in many people. There are no time limits as to when different people will experience the different stages of grief. Everyone is different.
However if you are to help him, then listen and empathise but don't mollycoddle. Tell him how you feel as well because as we all know, life has to go on for the living, not the dead.
He'll learn to live with his grief, he has to, although no-one will be able to tell you, or him, when that will be.

Answer 3

hi try not to get to attached to him as it does sound as though he is not in control of his feelings or his grief. maybe he was using you as a distraction at first but now he is not sure what he wants. When a loved one dies there are so many stages of grief to deal with, and the people left are often angry and confused at the world/god because their loved one is gone, especially if it was a sudden death. good luck and try and give him some head space.....

Answer 4

Your friend my be feeling guilty about starting a new relationship and still feels a commitment towards his deceased wife . At the time you met him he was and still is feeling lonely. There are many stages of grieving. The only thing you can do is let him know that you are there for him when ever he needs you. Just be patient with him and give him some more time.

Answer 5

Maybe you filled the gap left after his previous relationship, and now he's realising what's actually happened.

think he needs some space to sort his emotions out and once he's dealt with his grief he may be able to start a fresh relationship with you, without you worrying about him.

Answer 6

I think you need to tell him that you are there for him. He doesnt nned to cope with the relationship. Just tell him that you are there to support him through the difficult times. Forgetting the one he loved will take sometime. i think he need to get over it. Maybe he is thinking about it way too much. Tell him to stop thinking about the death and remember her as a good person. All that he needs is t6ime and your support.

Answer 7

Too much grief means mental immaturity.One has to understand reality.Man cannot live for ever.Death is certain to all.Some counselling or advice by some priest will help.You can give consolation and cheering up.Emotional support is necessary to come out of grief.All wounds get healed due to passage of time.

Answer 8

yes it will pass in time just be there for him