How do you know what to do when you fall in love with a married man before knowing he was married?

Question

I fell in love with a man a few months ago after meeting him on an online singles site. He told me he had been sep. 2 years. Turns out although he is in a loveless marriage, he is still there. He has left and came here once for 1 week and once for 2 weeks. He ended up leaving and going back home. He does have an 8 year old to think about also. Seems that the trust issue and interferance from others, we were the only 2 who wanted us together. I feel very guilty about being in a situation like this. He again resides with his wife yet still comes and sees me on the side. I feel very cheap and like I'm so much more than the mistress type and deserve all or nothing. I told him I think if he wants out of his marriage, get a job, his own place and his own car then I feel like we would have a fair chance at a future. Am I asking for to much because I am really feeling like he's getting his cake and eating it too? I am so confused and lost on whether to move on without him.Help me

Answer 1

He is definitely getting his cake and eating it too. He doesn't deserve you and you deserve better than a man that would turn away from his marriage commitment, not to mention his children. Who is taking care of his children when he decides to leave and take up with you for weeks. He's a weak and disloyally human being and cannot be trusted. He would do the same thing to you once the shine of what you share wears off. It's probably why he was on a singles chat line where you met him in the first place. He's a loser, so lose him and find a man of your own who will be faithful to you. This man wont be faithful to anyone trust me.

Answer 2

I think this is a terrible situation for you, his child and his wife. He is controlling all of you and none of you deserve it. He is using you and her when it's a matter of convenience for him and with no job, car or even the resources to have his own place why are you fighting for him back and forth? This man can't love you or his wife to continue to treat both of you this way. He is manipulating both of you. I'll tell you that I went into your profile and you are a very pretty woman who can have any man she wants. You have an awful lot to offer someone to allow this person to have any kind of control over you. It's funny how these kind of guys can attract such a sweet girl as yourself yet a good guy like me who would cherish and respect you can't. I live within 40 miles from Joplin, I am 52 years old and single. I would love to have you add me to your friends list and get to know you. Who knows what will happen? One thing about it, you will never find the right guy if you are spending your time chasing the wrong one. Everyone is right, you deserve better. Give me a shout pretty girl.

Answer 3

Yeah, he's having his cake and eating it too. He could say he's in a loveless marriage and doesn't want to end it because of the child, but he could just be cheating on her with you. You deserve better. Give him an ultimatum, but also keep in mind that he is cheating, my thoughts are once and cheater always a cheater, but not everyone thinks like I do. Make him make a choice, tell him that he needs to move out, and be an adult and then you will come back to him, but until then, you are leaving because you need more than what he his giving you.

Answer 4

It seems that this is an old story that has gone on for years. If histroy repeats itself then he will cheat again. The old saying that if he cheats with you he will cheat on you...... If you were really what he wanted he wouldn't keep going home.... You are a cake and when he wants something different for desert he comes to you....... If he won't work, doesn't have a car, and won't leave his wife it seems that he is looking for a free ride... I'd break all contacts with this person and go on about my life.... Sure it may hurt a little now but it would hurt alot more down the road...... Cowgirl up and throw your loop around someone who will treat you with respect and will help you out and above all be honest.... Someone who loves someone doesn't cheat....... A skunk never changes his stripe.I think you are a beautiful woman and I would like to show you how an honest man treats a lady. I'm close to you and would love to date you. You simply TAKE MY BREATH AWAY...I'd dump him and give a real man the chance to show you what real love is...... XOXOXOXOX l hope to hear back

Answer 5

Ive been there too and it took care of by itself so to speak.....he never was ready to leave his wife......and this is most often the case so now you know you are HIS MISTRESS and girl-on-the-side what are you gonna do about it......they always are in a loveless marriage and they care too much about the kid/s to really LEAVE home and wife so dont fall for it,ok.As a married guy posting his add on a singles-site just means he is out to lie and cheat,dont ever forget his intentions,they have never been honest from the start

Answer 6

Ok, let me see if I have this right. He was on a single's web-site and met you by telling you a major lie. Has an 8 yr old son and doesn't have a job.

And seems like you are blaming the wife because he is in a loveless marriage. Sounds like she is the one getting the short end of this. She must be the one taking care of the lazy bum.

Run, run very fast, don't be stupid.

Answer 7

Let's make this very simple: You met a married man on an online singles site. He was still married (being separated never equals divorce), and "shopping around."

The fact that he let an emotional attachment form BEFORE telling you he was married shows you what kind of person he is: a selfish deceiver. Listen to everyone elses answers and leave the guy alone. It only goes downhill from where you are now.

Answer 8

I understand your pain. Here's the thing, you can't continue. You can't let him make the decision for you. You have to tell him how you feel about the situation and because of those feelings, you have to stop seeing him. If you're truly meant to be together, he will do what is right. He'll tell his wife that he is leaving. If not, then you'll know that he was using you. I can sympathize with you because I've been through the same thing. But I had to make a choice. So do you.

Answer 9

Why would you allow this jerk to continue to do this to you? He must be the scum of the earth to continue and hurt two people -- his own wife, and you. This guy needs to go for some serious counseling and figure out what the hell he needs to do start life again with the woman he married. You need to wipe this jerk off the slate and find someone who cares for you and can love you the way a lady like you deserves. Get rid of the jerk, gorgeous and move on --- THE SOONER THE BETTER!!!!!!

Answer 10

as you consider the future look at what this relationship is based on. Is there any reason to expect a relationship begun on lies to change for the better? Do you have any information to lead you to believe the affair with you is a one time affair or is it a way of life? If he leaves his wife and makes you his bride how long will it take for another mistress to take your mistress position? Now is this the future you want ? It is the one you are setting yourself up for.