I cant stand my son. Am i a bad mom?

Question

My mom has only a few weeks to live and i have to move out of our home due to the recent "motgage market crash," but my 12month old boy is going through this "Seperation Anxiety" and i cant even stand up, us the restroom and eat. When i make HIM somthing to eat hes sreaming, and all i've eaten is the crust from the sanwitch i made him for lunch and just now for dinner. I cant stand to be around him, I DREAD TOMARROW. I am a stay at home mom and i havent had a break now since he was born, I get no help because my mom has been sick. I need to spend this time with my mother. I even called my husband at work and told him that i don't want the baby anymore... i know i'll regreat it later, but am i a bad mom?

Answer 1

"i know I'll regreat it later, but am i a bad mom?"
That says it all. - You're over-stressed 'good Mom`.
It's normal. You need a break, - also normal.
A move at that age is very hard on a child,
and his anxiety is also normal.
Are there any friends around who can help?
Other mothers and fathers will understand completely.
Sorry that you're going through such a tough patch.
Hang in there and try to get some relief.
Wish I could offer more.

Answer 2

No. You are not a bad mom. I am sure you are a really goo dmom actually. It sound slike you are trying your best. And seeing that he is nourished- maybe even better than you nourish yourself. Many mothers go through this.. but yours is a little more serious sounding- almost sounds like a breakdown.. you are under a great deal of stress though so it is understandable.
You need to take better care of yourself. Eat right, and always take some time out for you. Tell your hubby he needs to take him some of the time too.. that you need to relax and recouperate and rejuvinate.. Your energy level can only do so much- everyone needs a break- and time for just you.
Arrange for a sitter to come and take care of the baby while you step out for a few hours or while you nap.. or maybe you take the upstairs of the house and tell the sitter she has the lower half with the baby.. and you will feel like you have your own space. It is cheaper than therapy and it just might be the ticket to your sanity. Try this idea first maybe, and if it doesn't eleviate any strain or pressure- you may need to seek therapy.. Where is your hubby in all of this confusion? Talk to him about all of this too.

Answer 3

No, you're just a normal mom, under stress. All of us moms feel that way when we're under too much stress.

See if you can somehow get little breaks from the situation: help from a friend, relative, someone at church, in the neighborhood, through the Volunteer Bureau in your community, or even through a Crisis Nursery, if necessary. There are some resources out there, although perhaps admittedly hard to find.

If nothing else, put your son in front of videos for the next few weeks. It's not ideal, but life is not ideal. Give him cheap, new toys from the 99 cent store. Anything to give you a little break.

Hope this helps! Don't worry about your son...just try to make it a little longer, and the situation will improve!

Answer 4

I can understand why you feel this way. If my mother had only a few weeks to live, the stress of having an annoying child at home with no help, would drive me nuts! You aren't a bad mother, you're just exhausted and stressed out mentally and physically. You need to find someone else to take care of the baby for a week or two so that you can be with your mother and so you can rest. Even if you went to a councilor they would probably tell you the same thing. If you have any siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, or even friends that could babysit your child for at least a few days that would help. If you don't rest soon you'll probably feel like you've gone insane. Don't let these feelings make you feel like you don't want the baby anymore, try to make yourself understand that it's not the baby's fault and soon things will get better. Even if things don't get better, putting yourself in a positive state of mind will help with the stress and may even make the baby better. By this I mean that when he sees you happy, he may be in a better mood - after all, they do learn the most things from their parents! And have you ever noticed that people can sometimes tell how others are feeling even if they don't say anything? Sometimes when I sense my friends feel bad, it effects me to where I feel bad too. When my close friends cry, I start crying, when they laugh, I laugh. I believe this sense is even present in babies as young as yours, and making putting yourself in a better mood will put him in a better one as well.

Well, that's my little advice.
Hope I helped, and I hope things get better for you and your mom. Miracles do happen after all. <3
-Becky

Answer 5

You are taking in too much at a time. Your are overwhelming yourself. The stress of moving, your mother's condition is all adding up to you and dealing with a 12 month old is no easy job. You need to try to relax or else you will find yourself doing things you will regret (verbally or physically abusive to your child) and he is not to blame. Being a parent involves being mature, responsible, smart and sensible. You need to take control of the situation, not vice versa.

Try to get some time alone to asimiliate things when your husband gets home from work. Try getting in the tub and dim the lights or turn them off and light candles and turn on some music that soothes you. Sit there and just relax - don't think about anything just relax.

Try to ask any friends to help you babysit so you can spend time alone, go for a walk/jog.

Just don't cast off your child because of all of this.

Don't blame your child that he's the reason you can't spend time with your mother - otherwise you will grow resentment towards him and he doesn't know any better. He is just a child that needs his mother's attention.

Kids also are intune with their surroundings. They can also feel the tension/emotions surrounding them and he may be feeding off your negative vibe.

Be as loving to him as you can and also understand he is also suffering. He is also hurting at all the changes and deals with the only way kids/babies know how - crying or being fussy.

HOWEVER if you really do feel like you are about to do something to your child that is wrong - STOP and IMMEDIATELY call your husband or ANYONE to come over - DON'T DO SOMETHING YOU MAY LATER REGRET!!!

Answer 6

You are not a bad mom.

You are in desperate need of a break and under a lot of stress.

You may not be able to afford it, but you need to look into some sort of daycare for your child a few days a week so you can be with your mom.

Also get some counseling, not for being a bad mother, but for the stress you are under. Sounds like you are having symptoms of both depression and anxiety. your medical doctor can write you a prescription to help you out for a while. But you really need to do some counseling too.
I lost my mother on May 9th after a lengthy illness, I wasn't the most patient mother during that time either.
I am sorry about your mother.

Answer 7

Well I wouldn't say you are a bad mom but at the moment you don't appreciate your baby boy because you are looking at him as an interference in your life but maybe that is because life is a struggle for you right now. Raising a baby is hard as you have no freedom and I must tell you that us mom's have all felt the way you are feeling. It must be especially hard for you to not spend as much time with your mother as you would like too so I suggest asking for some help...whether it is from a close friend or another relative. Perhaps you have a social worker that you could call and talk to. Explain that your mom is very sick and you feel resentment towards your baby because you can't get to your mom. I will tell you something very positive. When your baby is about 2, suddenly life will become easier for you. Right now your baby is totally dependent on you, which is very hard, but I assure you as your baby gets older, it becomes easier and easier allowing you to feel joy as a mom. Good luck hon. My thoughts are with you.

Answer 8

It sounds like you have a far worse problem than just not liking your boyfriends son. You have a boyfriend problem and that poor child has a parental problem. I pray there is a resolution for you and all 3 children involved. The first thing that came to my mind is that a 4 year old can’t talk to grown ups like they are crap unless there are grown ups talking in front of this child that way. A 4 year old can’t even know HOW to curse you out unless he hears others doing it enough to catch on to the “language”. The second thing that struck me is calling you names and telling you to get out of his house. He has to get this from somewhere. Does his father talk to you this way? Does his mother’s boyfriend/husband talk to her this way? Does someone talk to this child this way? Either way, done in his presence is not only abusive to the recipeint of those comments, but to this baby as well. When you tell your boyfriend what the child does, what is the response from him? This is actually the only part of the problem that you can solve. If you aren’t allowed to discipline him (and you actually shouldn’t if you really don’t like him because it might be more abuse than discipline); and his father refuses to do so then his father is accepting and condoning these actions. THIS IS THE PERSON that you have to address!! If there is a 4 year old acting out that badly, I would almost bet money that he is being abused (either directly or due to neglect and negligence by his parents) and your beef need not be with this child. His father and mother have dropped the ball and if they aren’t going to parent any better; you have to make a decision about rather or not this is a man that you want to continue to build a life with. And remember, you aren’t just making this decision for yourself. When you decide to accept an unacceptable lifestyle you are then subjecting your own children to the same life.

Answer 9

You are going to crash hard my friend... you need a break and you need it ASAP!

I understand your situation, for I am a mother too. You really really need help. Not the doctor type of help but someone who can help you with taking care of your son. Somebody reliable and trustworthy (a family member or friend) can take care of your son. He will scream and cry but he has to get used to the fact that there are other people in the world aside from his mommy. My son is also 1 year old and also has moments he would not eat the food we prepare for him but the key is patience... these are little people who do not understand yet what we are feeling.

You are not a bad mom because I believe you do not mean what you are saying... that you do not want the baby. You are just tired. You need to relax, have a day for yourself and re evaluate your life. You will see that you love your son, that he is an important part of your life.

Maybe you should focus on more mother more. It will make her feel that she is loved and taken cared of during the most critical days of her life. It will also help you part ways with your mother.

Answer 10

I’m sure you are not a bad mom. You are under too much stress at the moment. And toddlers can drive you up the wall. He is still your cute adorable son.

You are just not dealing with your loss (mom’s sickness) in a good way. Get some counseling, talk to a friend, ask for help if anyone can help with the child for half a day so that you get some rest.

Remember you can’t prioritise anything over your son. But you can get him somewhere else for a day and spend time with your mom.

All the best, I really hope things get better. God is always there. *My virtual hug.*