"dumb" wedding questions --- just wondering?

Question

I am not married so don't bite my head off! I went to one wedding when i was a kid (i'm in my 20's now)...i always wonder these things:

1. are the parents of bride or groom still expected to pay for the wedding or is that old fashioned?

2. when u send invitation to whomever do u always assume they will bring a guest/date or is the invite just for 1 person? do people ever go to weddings alone?

3. okay, after the couple leave the reception and go to lets say Hawaii for honeymoon - do they leave right away? does she wear her dress on the plane, to the hotel lol...

4. kids - can u have a wedding with all adults? what about guests that have kids - do u have to invite them?

5. do u have to have open bar? is it tacky n' cheap if you don't?

6. maid of honor - is her dress supposed to be different from the other bridesmaids? how do u choose maid of honor I have 1 older sis and 2 female best friends

7. is every 1 invited to the wedding invited to the reception
lol - thanks

*an add on to Question 4 - is it considered rude NOT to invite the kids?

Answer 1

1. while it is 'traditional' for the parents of the bride to pay for the wedding and the parents of the groom to pay for the rehersal dinner, most couples now pay for the brunt of the wedding and parents may give a bit to help ou. Parents are not obligated to pay for anything. It is completely up to the families and their financial situations.

2. The only people that are invited are listed on the envelope. Usually on the inside envelope.
Ex: Mary Jones and guest- you may bring 1
Mary Jones- no guest invited
Mr. and Mrs. Jones- this does not indicate that your 3 children are invited
Mr. and Mrs. Jones and Family- bring the kids
The decision of the bride and groom, to invite guests and children is based on how intimate the want their wedding and the financial situation. Often when people want to invite seveal people fromsay, the office, they may be invited without sppouses or partners.

3. Many couples wait several days to go on honeymoons now.. if notweeks and months. This gives time for the new couple to unwind, pack, relax and maybe just getting it to fit into schedules. I would not advise thta you wear your dress on the plane.. It will be uncomfortable. Most people don't leave right from the reception. They usually wait until at least the next morning.

4. You do not have to invtie kids!!Just because someone has a child/children does not mean they are automatically part of the invite. I had an all adult wedding. I printed 'Adult reception" on the reception card. That pretty much spelled it out for them, but I stll had a couple people still ask uif their chilren could come. I explained politely that it was an adult reception and not other children would be present. The only child there was my flower girl. This is entirely up to you.

5. You don't have to have an open bar, if religion or custom dictates against alcohol, but cash bars tend to be tack and annoying. If you are opting out of the open bar, just for financial reasons, consider serving at least beer and wine. If you do choose to have a cash bar, be sure to indicate it somewhere on the reception card in the invitation!!! Nothing is wordse than going to a wedding and finding out that you needed to bringextra money for drinks!!!

6.The maid of honor soes not have to have a separate dress if you don't want to. Mine wore the same dress as everyone else. I had the same situation.. a sis and 2 friends. I just chose my sis. There was no argument from anyone, because it is somewhat assumed that sis/bros are first choice for maid of honors/besman. Or you could have everyone in the wedding party be a maid of honor. I was in a wedding like this for one of my friends. There were 5 of us that have all been friends since grade school. She couldn't pick jhust one, so we were all maid of honors and listed like that in the program.

7. This is a tricky one, but if you invite someone to the cremony you must invite them to the reception. If you don't, that is like saying :"thanks for taking the time to come see me be the center of attention, but I don't think you are worth paying for at the reception". it is hurtful and rude. Ceremonies are usually 'free' for guests so just send a general invite for both and let people decide. Many people don't go to the ceremony but go to the reception. On the same note, if someone is invited to the bridal shower, yo must invite them to the wedding.

Hope some of this helps!!!

Answer 2

1. Not usually. Most often now, from what I've seen, it depends on the age and life status of the bride and groom. For example, my fiance and I are both 27, have gone through school and have jobs. Thus, our parents are helping us, but we are paying for most things ourselves. But, if I was getting married at 18 for some reason (without my parents killing me first...haha), they probably would have paid for it all.

2. Yes, people go to weddings alone all the time, but one is to assume to only bring a guest if the invitation says "Name and Guest".

3. Sometimes they leave right away, but more often the couple leaves the next morning. No, she doesn't wear her dress on the plane.

4. Yes, you can have a wedding with all adults. This is easier, though, sometimes if you provide a babysitter. Some people consider it rude to not invite kids, but really, who cares. If you don't want kids there, then don't invite them.

5. An open bar, or any bar for that manner, is definitely not required. We are not having alcohol at our wedding except for the wedding toast. I've only been to one wedding that was open bar, and that was where the couple had a lot of money. Lucky kids.

6. Nope, her dress can be different or the same. It's whatever the bride wants. I chose my best friend as my maid of honor. You can choose whoever you want and whoever you think will be there for you the most during the wedding planning process and the wedding day.

7. Yes...you should invite everyone to both or neither....if the wedding and reception are on the same day. However, if they are on different days, then you don't have to have the same guest list.

Answer 3

1. Nowadays, the couple usually chips in on the wedding even if it is just a small amount. I would consider you and your fiance setting aside a little each week or month out of your paychecks. Even $20 per week adds up!
2. No, you do not assume anything! If you want them to invite a guest that you don't know, then you can put "and guest" on the invite. If they have a fiance or a long time love interest, find out the name and address of that person and send them their own invite. If your budget will not allow everyone to bring a date, then just address them to the person invited. I have been to several weddings alone when my husband did not know the couple, and it was enjoyable!
3. It is completely up to you what you do after the reception, and whether or not you change clothes. Most couples leave in their wedding attire nowadays, and stay the night at a local hotel before leaving the next day.
4. You do not have to invite kids, but be prepared for some people not to come because of this. Although it is not really rude, some people do not understand why you wouldn't want their little darlins running amok at your wedding!ha! Also, others will want to come but won't be able to find babysitters. Still others may show up with the kids anyway, so I would make provisions for them if I were you! Hire a teenager or two you trust to watch them at their own table.
5. You do not have to have a full open bar. That is, a bar that includes everything you would find at a restaurant or club bar that you pay for. It is tacky, however, to have a cash bar, where the guests pay for their own drinks. This is an accepted custom in some circles of friends. so some people do it, but it is not within the rules of etiquette. You'd need to ask around among your friends and family to find out if this would be accepted. You can always have a limited bar that you pay for, with only beer and wine, for example.
6. It is completely up to you whether or not the maid of honor is different in some way. It could be her dress, jewelry, or bouquet. She can look the same too if you want. I would probably choose the sister, then you don't have to choose between the friends.
7. Yes, everyone who is invited to the ceremony gets invited to the reception.

Answer 4

Not dumb questions at all... here's my answers for you:

1. NO - that is old fashioned -- unless the parents stick to old tradition, you can pay for your own wedding.

2. I have gone alone to a wedding. A lot of times, couples are now putting the number of people on the response cards before sending out the invites, which is not a tacky thing to do.. more cost effective in my opinion.

3. I had a destination wedding, so my honeymoon was right after. More often as of late, couples leave the day after the wedding.. those who leave the same day usually have a change of clothes to change in to during the last hour of the reception.

4. You can request for your reception to be adult only. You can also invite children should you choose. There is nothing wrong with saying that children are not allowed at the reception. Those who get offended by it -- well they just get offended. When I was a child, I never attended a wedding with my parents unless we were specifically invited.

5. You do not have to have an open bar. I have been to a few weddings where they didn't and it was still nice. For my wedding I did had an open bar, which I paid for. Once we hit the amount I paid, the open bar became a cash bar.

6. Her dress can be the same in a different color or different all together. That is the bride's choice. My MOH wore a scarlett red and my two bridesmaids wore crimson. I had a hard time choosing my best friends, so I asked them to be bridesmaids and had my sister as my MOH

7. They should be -- in my personal opinion, I think its rude to invite people to the wedding and not the reception. Its like telling people you are good enough to come to see me get married, but not good enough to celebrate my wedding with me.

Answer 5

1. NO. This should never be expected. The bride and groom should save and pay for their own wedding and be pleasantly surprised if anyone offers any money. They should also inform those who donate money that it is still their wedding so they have the last say in any details.

2. On invitations, if there is "and guest" that person is allowed to invite a guest. if there is no "and guest" then that person is not allowed to bring a guest. Depending on how big the guest list and their pockets are, the bride and groom may allow all to bring a guest, or only those who are engaged or married with kids/without kids.

3. Depends on the couple. You could leave that very day on the honeymoon, the next day, or even sometime in the future!

4. Yes there are adult only weddings/receptions. Kids do not have to be invited BUT IMO it is a family affair and kids should be allowed. Depending on the venue kids might not be allowed at all though. It is up to the couple. (FYI I am having kids at my wedding / reception).

5. You do not have to have ANY alcohol. If you do, it can be an open bar or a cash bar. I've seen all three at different weddings and do not feel ANY of those choices are tacky or cheap at all. Guests should NOT expect to get drunk on the bride and groom's dime.

6. Her dress could be the same color or different, it depends on the bride and grooms decision. As for choosing the MOH that too is depending on the bride. I would chose whoever is closest and most reliable to be the MOH.

7. IMO anyone invited to the ceremony should be invited to the reception and vice versa. To me it is rude otherwise UNLESS it is a destination wedding and you are having a reception/congrats party when you return from the wedding/honeymoon. Or if your families are in totally different states, then you can have a reception in one state and another in another state.

Welcome.

Answer 6

We are not having kids at our wedding. The youngest will be 16 and 18 my Jr Brides maides/ cousins - they will give bubbles out when they walk down the isle. We will not be close to home, so parents will not be able to bring their kids home after the wedding. We are all going away for the weekend.

Kids do not belong around drinking anyhow. It's not rude. Just note - adult only reception on invites.

Have to have an open bar! We are buying our own liquir and beer and hiring a friend to be the bar tender - we'll save lots of money - we're either having our wedding under a tent or in park rec center or shelter.

It's your wedding. You can choose your maid of honor. Or only have brides maides and have your them pick straws or ribbons to see who will sign your marriage cert. Have them line up by who will look best next to you - make you look your best that day and make them all equals. There is nothing wrong with that. Most of the time all the girls are dressed the same - but that is your choice also..

My girls are all going to wear the same material and color, all tea leght of longer - they can pick the style of dress that suites their body and preference.

All adults can bring a guest - if they are together - no last minute dates allowed - if we don't know them - we do not want them there.

Sometime the parents of the bride still pay. About 50% of my firends parents paid, the other half they paid themselfs. I would approach your parents and be frank. We are starting to plan our wedding. The first step is setting a budget. - Hopefully this is when they offer to help - if they can. Some help is better than no help.

Answer 7

No question is dumb - these are very thoughtful ones!
1. Parents of the bride used to pay for the wedding when the bride was young, and going directly from her parents' home to her husband's home. These days, however, most couples are older and out working, so they pay for their own wedding, and just plan the style and number of guests to what they can afford themselves.
2. If one adds 'and guest' depends upon the budget, basically. If you have friends with a bf or gf who are serious, they would be invited. However, lots of people attend weddings alone. My sister met her husband at a wedding of a family friend!
3. Usually a honeymoon is planned, say for the Monday after a wedding. The next day after the wedding, there is usually a gift opening for family, then a bit of unwinding time before going on a trip. If they are going away that very night, she would change.
4. If you read around on Answers, you will see some brides who don't want kids at their wedding. I personally think that's sad - I believe weddings are events for family and friends of all ages to celebrate! Kids help make it a special, fun event.
5. Yes, a full open bar is a must. You are Hosting your guests, and you provide the food and the alcohol. It's not a family bbq in the backyard!
6. Usually, the attendants' dresses are all the same. I got married a while ago, and now I like the idea of the MOH having a dress somewhat different than the bridesmaids. I would have your sister be the MOH and the friends be the bridesmaids.
7. You invite the same people to the ceremony and the reception.

Answer 8

1. This all depends upon the person, actually. I know that for most families in the South, it still holds true that the bride's parents pay for quite a bit. However, it's not uncommon now to ask the groom's parents to pitch in a bit.

2. This sort of information is usually listed on the invitation. You can simply state "insert name + 1" or request that the event be by invitation only.

3. Usually the bride and groom will change clothes after the reception and then leave.

4. You have to think about the people you'll be inviting for that sort of thing. If you want it to be adults only, it's a good idea to hire a babysitter and have an outside location for people to leave their children. My sister did that for her wedding and I think it was the best idea ever.

5. Again, this depends on the person. My sister didn't have an open bar, nor did she even have a sit down meal at the reception. The reception was short and sweet. If you feel that you want to have the bar option, it's usually a good idea to offer an open bar though.

6. The maid of honor's dress doesn't have to be different, but you can make it different if that's what you want. I was my sister's MoH, and I just had a different looking necklace and bouquet. As far as choosing your MoH, keep in mind that this will be the person that will be planning your wedding showers, and helping quite a bit with the wedding planning. If you don't feel like your sister will be the one for that, then go ahead and have her be a bridesmaid. No shame in that!

7. Usually everyone invited to the ceremony is invited to the reception, however, I have seen people request that you RSVP for both events, so that in the event of someone leaving directly after the ceremony, you didn't have food prepared for them at the reception.

Answer 9

1. It depends on the beliefs of the bride and groom and their parents. Some parents go fifty fifty. Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for everything but the flowers, which are taken care of by the groom's parents. There are also a lot of couples who pay for it themselves since more people are marrying in their late twenties and early thirties and have the financial means to do so.

2. If you're ok with the person bringing a guest you say address the invitation to "Mr. /Miss Soandso and Guest". Tons of people go to weddings alone, it's a great way to meet people. Didn't you see "Wedding Crashers"?

3. It all depends on the bride and groom! My husband and I changed at my parents house and then went to the hotel (we left the following morning for Hawaii). One thought I had was to wear my dress to the hotel and then have someone pick it up at the front desk after we left. Some brides want to wear their dress on their wedding night because they think it's sexy to have their new husband take it off of them.

4. Yes! If you don't want kids at the wedding, you put a little note at the bottom of the invitations that says "No children, please" and only put the adults' names on the invitation. If you want children, it's nice to put their names on the invitation to make them feel special or you can address it to "The Soandso Family" to make it clear that everyone's invited.

5. No, you don't need an open bar, you don't even need a reception with a full meal. Especially today, it is probably safer to either have a limited open bar (only the first hour or so) or none at all to ensure people get home safely.

6. The maid of honor's dress is only different if the bride wants it to be so that everyone knows who she is. As far as picking the lucky girl, there are a few factors. First of all, the bride's parents may have an opinion that it should be the bride's sister. If your parents don't care who the maid of honor is then you have something else to think about. The maid of honor has a TON of responsibilities both during and before the wedding. She has to be someone who can not only support the bride emotionally but can also make sound decisions about the wedding in the bride's place to alleviate stress. That being said, she has to be someone the bride utterly and completely trusts, not just a BFF.

7. No. Guests are only invited to the reception of their invitation says that they are, such as "Reception to follow at 2:00 at a restaurant". If the invitation doesn't say anything about a reception then the person isn't invited. It's a lot easier to just invite everyone to the reception to prevent people calling and having to explain to them that they are not invited to the reception. A reception can also be held after the couple gets back from the honeymoon and separate invitations can be sent out. That way it's clear who is and isn't invited.

Hope this helps!

Answer 10

1) parents paying is an old tradition which dates back to when parents gave the groom's family money called a dowry so that they would take on the burden of a daughter. women were seen as less productive and useless for farm work, which was how many cultures began before industrialization.

2) only bring a guest if the invitation says "susie and guest" and that means 1 guest.

3) some brides change into a less bulky, heavy dress for the reception. some even change into a nice pants suit to leave for the airport. some couples stay in a nice hotel in town and leave for the honeymoon the next morning. others postpone the honeymoon for days, weeks, or even months to meet their budget and work schedules. (celeb examples: both britney spears and christina aguilera had a different dress at their reception)

4) many today are having weddings with all adults. this helps to cut reception costs and eliminates the crying babies and rowdy children at the ceremony. really organized brides provide a list of childcare options for out-of-town guests who bring their children.

5) it is not tacky if you don't have any open bar. to cut costs, many brides will allow each guest a choice of red or white wine along with champagne for toasting. the catering staff is instructed on how many refills each guest is allowed. this is also a way to keep any boozers in the families from getting tipsy and out of control.

6) maid of honor doesn't necessarily look any different than the other maids. in your case, to avoid making either friend upset, i would choose your sister. everyone understands that you would choose a relative to be your maid. this will prevent you from upsetting your sister and from choosing btwn two friends.

7) not every invited to the wedding is invited to the reception. the guests that are invited to the wedding only are not expected to bring gifts. this is also done to keep costs under control since only the reception fee increases with the guest count. the ceremony is a set price no matter how many show up at the church.

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