What's the right thing to do/say if you're having a fight with your boyfriend?

Question

Let's say he get's angry and he uses the f word when he's talking to me...would I be right if I responded accordingly and say what's on my mind and tell him what his problem is or do I just shut up and keep it all in? which would be best for the relationship?

by the way I did tell him not to talk to me like that and remained silent after that...just wanted to know if I did the right thing.

Thank you very much for your answers.

Answer 1

Some ground rules for both of you might be nice. It is never good to escalate a fight.So if either of you are to angry a good rule would be to say we will talk later and the other party would close the fight till they are cooled down. Nice in a perfect world.

In reality the fight will not end at a moments notice. The important part is to keep it from getting ugly. Stay away from name calling. Stay to the argument of the moment and don't bring up past scenes or events. If it looks ugly then eat it for the moment and bring it up when you are both better tempered.

Arguments are good for a relationship as they bring things to the surface that may not have come up otherwise. Fights are not. Usually it ends up a knife throwing contest with both parties trying to hurt the other as best they can. Your not in a contest your in a relationship.

A thoughtful analogy is that of a boy who said many hurt full things to his piers. His father said to correct your actions first you must remember what you did so for every bad thing you remember pound a nail in this board. When the boy was done. The father asked to say he was sorry to every person that he had put a nail in for and then pull that nail. The boy did so and says they still don't like me. The father says look at the board. It is full of holes says the boy. So are the hearts of the people you hurt.

Answer 2

The best thing to do is to get of the phone walk away take a break letting him know that it is unexectable for him to talk to you that way and you would never disrespect him that way and say I'll talk to you when I have had a chance to cool down and when you have come to your senses and relized who you were talking to... then simply walk away and try to calm down and seriously take a little break from the situation to review what the real problem is why you are really mad at him, making sure when you are ready to talk to him that you don't bring up past things that have already been forgivin showing that you are not spitful... this tactic really makes the fights that you two will have less severe and less damaging to each person and the realationship

Answer 3

I applaud you for not escalating the argument as it was barrelling down a road of immaturity, but don't interpret that to mean that I ever suggest you remain quiet and not express yourself in your relationship. Fighting in a relationship is as important as getting along in a relatonship is...there are no two people on earth with the same perspective on every issue every time, so it's important that you develop effective skills and strategies for making sure you are respected and heard in a relationship, and that you provide the same communication respect in return. For this reason, its important to learn to disagree productively. In this way you ensure you are fighting to change things and not to punish. Using the "f"word during an argument isn't bad in and of itself, but it becomes bad if that (or any other language) is directed at you with hostility; that is, in a threatening manner. It's easy to know the difference because of the way you feel when you're being spoken to.(The same thing applies to your language towards him during spirited exchanges). We should strive to be adult enough and articulate enough to get our points across without being abusive. If you notice yourselves having difficulty is this regard, seek out a counsellor who can help you learn these skills. Not knowing how to argue effectively is a common problem, and something we were never taught in school. If you don't believe that fact, take a look at American divorce statistics: 1 out of every 2 marriages will fail. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Depending on how well the guy can handle communication when he is angry, you should not keep it all in. If he gets too angry in the moment then wait till things have cooled down and then deal with those feelings/thoughts that you have. It isn't healthy for a relationship to hold that stuff in for long...eventually, it will build up and explode, which can be messy!

Answer 5

It's best not to fight, but to just sit down calmly and discuss what you think is wrong. He shouldn't have said anything like that to you. You should tell him calmly. If you have to wait a few minutes, or days to tell him in this way, then so be it. Yelling and shouting hurts relationships and feelings more than trying to fix a problem.

Answer 6

Don't let him get away with saying the F word. You should not resort to his level of vocabulary and tell him if he going to talk that way you are leaving and he can talk to himself. Before you and him get to that point you need to set ground rules for discussing any problems between the two of you. If he won't agree to this then you need get out of the relationship.

Answer 7

girl please - you dont have to go to the level hes on if its not natural for you - but holding in %100 will make it a natural thing - and i doubt thats what you want - for him to be able to make you bitter and mean - i would say simply ask him in the middle of the fight why he feels the need to disrespect you just because the two of you dont agree - here you are talking to him like he is grown and hes talking to you like your ignorant and it seems to be the other way around ( you didnt call him ignorant you said seems )- then if he looks crazy proceed to tell him exactly whats wrong with him -

keeping your mouth closed may save your relationship for now - keeping it closed may save it till the two of you die - but why would you think or even consider letting him disrespect you ? i dont care how much you love him - youll end up hating yourself or eventually youll hate him and the two of you may split up - and youll never want to see him again - and you never know maybe all you needed to do was tell him -

all he can do is respect you - or not -

Answer 8

Keep enough things bottled up and eventually they're going to come spilling out and probably not at the right moment. Might as well vent the pressure in the appropriate situation.

Answer 9

I guess it would depend on the guy, but I never let it get that far with my man. He doesnt really respond to yelling and everything. I think it works better if I just get really quiet if something is bothering me, and he will notice that something is wrong and start to think about it. So then he realizes what he has done, and he will apologize for it-and then we can talk about it. So I guess he starts to feel really bad for hurting me, ect... It just works better for me.

Answer 10

You need to discuss it rationally when things are calm. Tell him you don't like that word and would rather the one you love not use it. In his defense, that word is used so much now, it is almost like slang. We need a new Queen Mother of Cuss Words ---that one has lost is shock value. Guys like to cuss because they think it makes them seem tough; grown-ups don't cuss because it makes them look stupid and uneducated. Most people cuss because they don't have enough vocabulary to express themselves any other way.