My ex and I get along as long as his wife isn't around and have been divorced for approx. 22 yrs. She's just not a nice person as I met her before we were divorced.
My son & his fiance had a co-ed Bridal Shower and the ex-husbands wife tried to start something with me before it started. I went to say Hi and she did her snitty stuck up look. I let it go.
Later she went up to my mother and offered to help pay for the rehearsal dinner--that ticked me off because she didn't come to me and only my mother and husband know my feelings on that. It's already taken care of.
My worry and grant I may not need to do the worrying but, I'm so afraid that she'll start something at the rehearsal dinner or the day of the wedding. I try to watch everything when around her but are there any other suggestions that might take away some of this anxiety?
2007-08-23 15:59:46 · 22 answers · asked by Mignon F 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The one problem with her is if you address something you don't know how she will react and if I talk with the ex, he's been known to take her side. She is psycho in way or another--I had a phone call from her one time telling me how that was her family and not mine. She's just very weird when it comes to my son and me and I have beat her up in my mind many, many, many times.
2007-08-23 16:37:39 · update #1
I have killed her with kindness and she still finds away to ruin something. I've ignored and what ever there is to be done I honestly think I've done it. Maybe I should try to talk with my ex one last time to see if he can do anything. She's a very controlling person in their relationship.
I don't really have the problem with her, I can be polite and I just want my son's wedding day to be perfect.
2007-08-23 17:33:38 · update #2
First off keep reminding yourself what a pyscho this lady is. If she can't get over it in 22 years she obviously has some mental problems. This is your special day because your baby is getting married. DO NOT let her ruin it for you. Stay as far away from her as you can. Keep in mind she may try to ruin it for you but do not give her that power. Remember how much better of a person you are than her and how lucky you are that you do not have the mental problems she does.
Good luck!
2007-08-23 16:08:19 · answer #1 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 4⤊ 2⤋
WOW, sound like my family. I'm getting married the same time, and my mother and stepmother have a problem with each other too. I think it's mainly just because my stepmother feels like she did a lot of the "raising" and my mom has no rights... basically. And unless your son is in his latel 30's to 40's, that is most likely what she is feeling.
You have two options in a situation like this. 1. You confront her before the wedding. Which mean like NOW, or 2. You let it go. If you let it go, then that means you have to pull yourself away from certain situations. I.E. He may want a picture with just her and his family... be understanding.
either way... be understanding. I know that my biggest fear on my wedding day is that something will happen between my mom and stepmother. So maybe you should just talk to her. It's not like it can hurt, and all you have to tell her, is that your not going to get in the way of anything as long as she shows you the same respect. Oh, and let your son know, either way
Good luck
2007-08-23 17:14:44 · answer #2 · answered by Kasandra 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't let her ruin it for you. If she wants to make herself look like a jackass, then let her. It's YOUR son's wedding. If she says something at the rehearsal dinner, don't give her the satisfaction of responding or getting upset or dragging your son and future daughter-in-law into it. They have enough on their minds. A simple response of "this is not the time or place" or "although I think that was very inappropriate, I want to try to enjoy ____ and ____'s wedding day." If she has issues with you, I would hope that she would have a modicum of class and not bring it up at the wedding of her husband's child. If she is that classless, then just let her look like the fool she is.
That being said, I hope everything goes well for you and I hope you are able to relax and have a great time!
2007-08-24 03:07:00 · answer #3 · answered by Monica S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you refuse to be cornered by her, she can't start anything with you. It's time to practice the gentle art of being slippery.
When you see her coming, smile and nod, but discover there's something going on elsewhere that you need to attend to. Ask someone close to you to come over and pull you away if she sees you about to be cornered. Or ask that person to come distract her with an innocuous question or observation: 'you must be so proud of your stepson' or 'do you know who did the flowers? they're so lovely!'
The important thing is never to raise your voice, never to do anything rude, and never to give anyone the impression that you have a problem with her. As others have said, this is your son's day and the last thing he wants is to have the event disrupted by his mother and stepmother having a scene no matter which one starts it.
The wonderful thing about a wedding is that a parent always has a good excuse to get away from someone (s)he doesn't wish to speak to in that there is always some small task that needs doing or some old friend or relative to speak to. Keep circulating, keep busy, keep smiling.
Hopefully, your ex-husband's wife will manage to amuse herself dancing with her husband, visiting with friends and relatives, and enjoying the wedding so much that she decides to leave you alone. But if she doesn't, then keep your cool and slip away as quickly as you can.
2007-08-23 16:31:25 · answer #4 · answered by gileswench 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Would they have a registry?? I would check that first. Otherwise, do you know where they will be going on a honeymoon? You could find a local restaurant in that area and get a gift card to that. Or purchase an activity for them to do while there (ie. if they are going somewhere tropical, get a day of snorkeling or a boat ride, etc). Maybe do a whole theme....get a beach bag, towels, sunscreen, etc. along with the gift card or activity to make it a little more personal.
2016-05-21 03:59:03 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just enjoy it- don't get too worked up about her because it's about your son and new daughter-in-law. Know you are the better person here, and she has some issues, but you should relax, and watch your son get married and be happy for him. Don't let this lady get in the way of that. If she does something stupid, I'm sure your son will probably speak up and say something and if anything, she will look bad.
Good luck!
2007-08-24 09:28:27 · answer #6 · answered by m930 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bet thing to do is express your feeling to your son. He can do one of two things - either go to his father and ask that he speak to his step-mother requesting she keep her attitude in check or he can go to her himself - depending on his relationship with her. If I were you I would stand clear on the wedding day and at the rehearsal dinner. Make sure your son knows to make the table arrangements so that you can't even look at each other the entire night.
2007-08-24 04:09:42 · answer #7 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore the insecure, controlling b*tch and enjoy the wedding. If your ex-husband's new wife causes a scene then it will reflect badly upon her and no one else. I am positive that she will behave. If she ruins your son's rehearsal dinner or wedding by behaving inappropriately it will be at her peril. No one will react kindly to this woman's antics.
2007-08-26 17:25:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep in mind when they call for the son to dance with his mother, that is you! Even better will be when they want the parents to dance together! That would mean you and your ex IMO! Personally, I would call her ahead of time and let her know where you stand and where she can get off. It is your son,not hers, and his special day,not hers. Hold your head up and don't cause any problems. It sounds like she can make a spectacle of herself by herself. Otherwise, feed her a couple of drinks and leave the rest up to her. I don't mean to sound cruel but everyone has their limits and it sounds like you are at yours. Make sure your dress is prettier!
2007-08-23 16:18:27 · answer #9 · answered by justme 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would completely ignore her like she does you. Pay lots of attention to YOUR son and his wife to be, and don't even give her a second glance! This is your sons day and you should concentrate on that. Beside it will probably tick her off more to see you so happy and to see that she is not getting to you.
Kill her with kindess!! (The nasty nice kind!) And take satisfaction in the fact that you are the bigger person!!
Good luck and congratulations!
2007-08-23 16:27:17 · answer #10 · answered by Reba 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋