The Truth about Farts?

Question

What’s a fart? A fart is stinky gas that comes out our back door.

What is gas? A gas is a thing that floats in the air. We can’t see it. But we can sometimes smell it.

Why does fart gas stink? Well, there are itsy-bitsy critters inside of us. Those critters are called bacteria. Bacteria eat some of the food we swallow. The stinky fart gas comes from those bacteria.

How often do we fart? Most people fart about 14 times a day.

Do some people fart more than 14 times a day? People that eat a lot of veggies fart more.

So, we shouldn’t eat veggies, right? No, people that eat a lot of veggies fart a lot, but they don’t have stinky farts.

How much gas would we have if we bottled our farts? About half a liter, which would fill one empty pop can.

Do fish fart? Oh, yes. Just about everything that eats will fart. This means that principals and presidents fart. Toothy sharks fart. Pretty swans fart. Hey, even whales fart, but don’t think too long about that.

Is there something that eats that doesn’t fart? A few things and they all live in the sea. Jellyfish and coral don’t fart. They have mouths, but no back door, so food goes in and waste comes out the same opening. Sponges don’t fart either. And there’s a sea worm that doesn’t have a mouth, guts or a back door. It doesn’t even eat! There’s a special bacteria that lives in it and keeps it alive. It’s a very skinny worm, which probably doesn’t surprise you.

What animal farts the most? No, it’s not your brother or your father or your mother. It’s the termite. Termites fart so much that they warm up the world. So, unless you want to fart more, don’t eat wood.

Can you fight with farts? Some reptiles do. They use farts as a weapon. But don’t get the wrong idea here.

How fast are farts? Most farts take several seconds to reach a nose, but farts will be faster if there’s a wind. The next time you fart, try counting until someone smells that fart. But count to yourself, because after the first few times you count out loud, people will learn to run and you’ll never know how fast your farts are.

Do boys fart more than girls? Nope. But girls might blush more than boys.

Why do beans make us fart so much? There’s a sugar in beans that our bodies can’t use. So when that sugar reaches our guts, the bacteria there eat it…and then they make fart gas.

What other foods make us fart? Raisins, eggs, cheese, potato chips, corn, milk and bread also have the sugar that our bodies can’t use.

Can only food make us fart? No, swallowing too much air can make us fart, too. And chewing gum.

Do some farts stink more than others? Sure. Eggs and meat make very stinky farts, and some animals have farts that stink more than others. For example, turtle farts are terrible, so don’t stand behind a turtle!

Why do some dogs fart so much? Well, a lot of dog food is made of soybeans, and beans make a lot of farts.

Why do some dog farts smell so bad? Many dogs eat meat, and meat makes stinky farts.

What’s the worst place to fart? Maybe an elevator. Especially if everyone in that elevator ate eggs for breakfast and beans for lunch. And for sure, if that elevator is stuck between the 3rd and 4th floors, and someone says, “Hey, you guys! Do you want some potato chips and gum?”

Is it bad to fart? No, it’s normal to fart.

Is it bad to not fart? Well, some doctors think that not farting might give you a tummy ache. A king once worried that it might be bad for people to not fart, so he made it a law that people could fart at the dinner table.

Where does the fart gas go when you hold it in? It just goes back up your guts…and comes out later.

What should you do if you must fart at a terrible time? Cough when you do, to cover the sound. Then squint at someone else, so it seems like they did it. Or you can remember that a king once thought it was okay.

Is there such a thing as a fossil fart? Yes! If a bug is trapped in tree sap and farts as it dies, that fart will be trapped in sap, too. Scientists have found little fossil farts in very old, hard tree sap (which is called amber).

Can you go a whole day without farting? Maybe. Not eating might help. And don’t take deep breaths. And don’t chew gum. But as soon as you relax and fall asleep, all that gas is going to be free. So if you have a fart-free day, be kind to your cat and keep it out of your bedroom.


Could you rocket through space by farting? Well, farting in space could push you. It would work like a little rocket. But it would be a very slow way to reach the moon! I’d use a real rocket instead.

Answer 1

LMAO!! *poot poot*

seen on a gravestone
"Wherever you be,
Let your wind blow free,
As the want of a fart,
Was the death of me!"

Answer 2

Good question, long but good. I know a girl who farts a lot and sometimes she stinks. Are you listening Lesley??? Guys fart on of one place (being polite) Woman out of two.

Answer 3

You must have a doctorate in farting.. lol
Here's one more to add to your list:
Where is the best place to fart when you're shopping?
A friend once told me that if you are out grocery shopping and have to fart, then go to the laundry detergent isle. All the difference fragrances of the detergents, softeners and dryer sheets are so strong that they will cover up your fart's odor!

Fart spelt backwards is traf (tasty rectal air fragments)

Answer 4

WOW, this is awsome! I should send this to my Aunt, she's a vegitarian. I loved the last Q/A. I nearly fell out of my seat with laughter. And my seat has arm rests. Again, great one. Gold star!

Smell you later,

Air

P.S. Its weird that my names Air and we're talking about farts : )!!

Answer 5

Like 'polo's' answer.
Excellent.
2nd. to last paragraph, be kind to yourself keep the cat out of the bedroom, or suffer the consequences?

Answer 6

very funny, entertaining and informative!! I laughed so much that I was crying!!! Is there a way I could email this to someone?

Answer 7

Wow
You must have a degree in Fartology

Answer 8

oh that is brill. I'm going to print it and frame it so nobody can have a go at me for farting anymore. love it.

Answer 9

Ha ha that's a lot of facts about farts. It gave me wind just reading it!!!


:-)))

Answer 10

lol I learned alot about farts today..hehhehehe another star for you keep posting more