How to tell people no children?

Question

We are having a ceremony and reception at a resort in our town. Budget is not really an issue, but we would like this to be an adult affair. We have three children in the wedding party, but would like to know how we explain that we would not like other children attending? It is an open bar at the reception and we do not want children watching the alcohol consumption. The three in the party are being cared for by a nanny that will be attending. We just would like this to be an adult affair and not have to worry about little ones running all around. We have had a couple of parties at our home and have had problems with unruly children and parents not attending to them properly. How do we explain this on invites without being rude. I know no matter what, some people with think that it is, but we just want to be as diplomatic as possible. Plus, we are providing childcare for those that need it during the ceremony and reception at no charge.

The children in the wedding will be taken to an off site home and cared for there after the ceremony and pictures. That is also the location that the child care will be at.

Answer 1

The etiquette rule of thumb has always been that you address the envelope, and the inside envelope to those that are invited.

Examples:

Mr and Mrs. Smith
5601 Green Circle

The inside envelope would read
Mr. and Mrs. Bill Smith

A single Man

Mr. Bill Smith

The inside envelope would read,
Mr. Bill Smith and Guest

If you were inviting the children it would read
Mr. and Mrs Bill Smith and Family

However, I can guarantee you no matter what you do, no matter how you write it out, specify it, whatever. Someone out there is going to decide that this doesn't imply to them, or is not going to get a sitter and bring their child. Because they believe you would rather see Janie in her cute little dress. Trust me. I pissed off my family and had my sister even get a sitter for my niece only to have my monster of a sister in law show up with her three kids and almost take out the wedding cake. Some people just don't get it.

Maybe have an extra Nanny waiting in wings for just in case, with an extra small room for them to be carted off to and not be seen through the wedding and reception. It's your day, and it should be as you have specified. Enjoy it!!

Congratulations!! I hope it's perfect!!!

Answer 2

I dont understand why you are providing child care if you prefer no children. When people find out about the child care they will bring their children. Then the children will have an issue and need to come into the reception . Then you will have, as with all receptions, children who are not disciplined running amuk, tripping waiters and spilling things, tasting the cake , etc. Unfortunately you cannot be 'diplomatic' to people since they are rude and have never read Emily Post Ettiquette. So that means are forced to tell them either by phone ( call the ones you know have children and spell it out saying' I am just confirming you have a sitter for our wedding since no children will be in attendance',) or place at the bottom of the invitation 'No Children'. However , as I mentioned, it will be confusing if you have child care and say No Children. It used to be that whichever individual names on the inner envelope were written, that meant only those persons could attend. That is, Mr and Mrs Smith and no Master John Smith ( child) and Miss Mary Smith ( child) on the inner envelope meant they were not included. In fact it is improper to put ' No children' on the invitation; but no one does things properly these days except about ten percent of the population. This is such a common question on this site. It is your wedding and it is my sincere hope it will be elegant, serence, happy and without frustration ( children). You have every right to keep them out so I wish you luck.

Answer 3

On the invitations, you write the names of the people being invited. You do not add the children's names. If (actually when) someone tries to respond that they are bringing the entire clan, you tell them you're terribly sorry at the miscommunication, but only the adults have been invited. While you'll be happy to see the children another time, you are having an adult party this time.

Since you are (amazingly generously!) offering childcare for both the ceremony and reception, be sure to let them know that.

If they decide to be offended, I'm terribly sorry about that, but you have gone above and beyond the responsibility of the hosts by offering free childcare services to everyone. You would be well within your rights not to provide babysitting at all and leaving it up to the parents.

And before anyone tells me what a child hater I am (I've been around here long enough to know the charge may well be levelled) I happen to adore children and wouldn't have dreamed of not having them at my wedding. One of my favorite memories from that day is an impromptu game of Ring Around a Rosie that a group of kids started playing.

But not all brides plan a wedding that is child friendly, and that is their right. The hosts decide what the party will be like, and it is up to each guest to accept or decline the invitation based on their availability and preference.

Inviting children is perfectly polite. Not inviting children is perfectly polite. Mentioning who is invited on an invitation is polite. Mentioning who is NOT invited is not properly done.

Answer 4

Well put that the reception is adults only, and that childcare will be provided should they not be able to get someone to watch them. But even if they use your childcare, do you want
someone drinking and then driving these precious bundles home? What I suggest is that after the ceremony, you have the Nanny take the children in the wedding party back to your home. I think it should be no children at all, and if they cannot have a sitter take care of them, then they will not be able to attend. You do not want a drunk driving accident involving children. Or any drunk driving accident.

Answer 5

First, congratulations on your upcoming marriage! You seem like a very frugal person for trying to cut all superfluous expenses out of your big day. By all means, it is perfectly fine to make it an adults-only affair. Kids are often extra expenses who find their own amusement during weddings and receptions, so discluding them is not rudeness, but sometimes...well, necessity when trying to maintain a budget.

The best way to tell people it's an adults-only affair would be to specify it on the invitations. Envelopes containing the official invitations should be labeled DIRECTLY to the parents you want invited. Instead of "Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith and Family," it could be specified more as "Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith," or "Mr. Joe Smith and Guest." Usually to whom the invite is addressed is specified as the invited. Depending on how elaborate you are making your invitations, you could mention the childcare on the invite or on a smaller note in the envelope. In fact, providing the childcare in the first place was a good move, as it eliminates the "parent guilt" of attending a function without the tots and of having to leave them to a babysitter. As wedding luncheons and dinners can get expensive with a few extra heads, I'm sure your invitees will understand.

Answer 6

Address the invite as "Mr and Mrs. John Smith" This should indicate no children. If someone RSVPs with their kids, simply call them up and say, "I'm very sorry, but we are unable to accommodate the children. This is a strict adults only evening. I do hope you can still come."

I'm sure some people will get upset, OK then. However, do not feel bad. You choice to have adults only and that's fine. Don't let people tell you, you're wrong. I'm pro-adults only receptions. Personally, I don't think adult party w/ alcohol and running past 7pm are for children. And I'm a teacher, so don't tell me I dislike kids or that I'll be a bad mother. I won't. I just think there is a time and place for children.

Don't let other people on here tell you to have them either. Again, your choice. You do not have to provide a babysitter for people either (accept the 3 in the bridal party). Invites are sent 6-8 weeks in advance, that's plenty of time to find a sitter.

If people don't like leaving their children, that's a personal choice. Just as your choice to have an adults only reception. You can't force them to leave the kids w/ a sitter and they can't force you to allow children or provide a sitter. Hopefully, your guest will be polite enough to decline in a pleasant manner if they can't make childcare arrangements.

Answer 7

Well, you can't really say "No children" when there are exceptions. Are the children in the wedding party being allowed to attend the reception, or cared for elsewhere? And will they be allowed to sit through the entire wedding service itself, or taken to another area for the ceremony?

It's less of an issue saying that "no children are allowed" if there are actually no children in attendance, but if certain ones are allowed for, there will be hurt feelings whether they are in the wedding party or not. If you're offering childcare during the service and reception with no cost to them, I'm sure they will be fine with the arrangements as long as they aren't shown a double-standard.

Congratulations, and good luck!

Answer 8

There is no reason for them to complain if you are providing child care. I have kids and I know that I would have a much more enjoyable time at a wedding if I did not have to look after my kids.
I would just address the invites to Mr and Mrs Whatevertheirnameis and then for the people with kids, slip another note in with the invite saying something like
"please note, our wedding and reception are to be an adults
Celebration. However, I do understand that finding childcare for your children can be difficult. We have provided childcare for you during the wedding celebration so that you can relax and enjoy the evening."
Good luck with it.

Answer 9

I think you have two options. 1. At the bottom of your invite, you write something like, "The couple kindly requests no children, please." You might want to include an age, so someone isn't left trying to figure out whether it's okay for their 13 year old to come, or trying to decide what the cut-off is. 2. Say something like: "Childcare will be provided." Then you have to make sure that someone is responsible for making sure that kids make it to the sitter-room and not into the ceremony site when the wedding is taking place. The difficulty of this is that most people won't think it's a problem to bring kids that are old enough that they know not to misbehave. But if your fear is not about misbehavior of the kids, but is instead about hiding the kids from the drunken misbehavior of adults, it will be difficult to decide what age is appropriate. I think it will be difficult to exclude those that are teenagers and older.

Answer 10

It sounds like you are being more than fair to your guests. Just put adults only please on the invitation. If you want to include the option of childcare in your invitation , do so. It is your wedding and yes , you want everything ti be perfect but there is always somebody that has to be dissatisfied. I was at a wedding last year and the only children there were in the wedding. I think it is approiate when there is going to be drinking around. It also helps because you know there aren't going to be people drinking and driving with their kids. Keep up the great planning and keep your head up. Best wishes.