Sister doesn't want to be in my wedding! What do I do?

Question

I'm getting married June 21, 2008 and I asked my sister to be my maid of honor. She declined and said my nephew can't be in the wedding either. Our relationship hasn't been the best growing up but for the past 2-3 years, we've been like the best of friends. Them my mom died April 24, 2007. All the children made a pact to stick together no matter what. Next thing I know, she turns her back on the family except one of my brothers.
I love her to death. She's my sister. She did my brother the same way when he got married but then asked to be in the wedding 4 months before it happened. If she does that to me, should I let her be in the wedding? or No?

I don't know what to do because she won't talk to me!

Plus....She was suppose to get married in September and she told me I wasn't allowed in her wedding. Next thing I know, she broke the wedding off.

She's the older sister! I'm tired of taking her place as the oldest sister. I'm more mature than her at times.

Answer 1

Well Congratulations frist!!
You really need to do what will make you happy!!
I can understand that its important for you to have your sisters their espically with your mother no longer with you all!!
Wedding are stressful enough you need to surrond yourself with people who love you and support your wedding and if she says no Iet it be no but dont let it take the joy of your wedding away!

Answer 2

I'm so sorry that she is behaving in this way. Especially during a time and an event when it is such a happy and meaningful period of your life.

You can't change her decision. You just have to try to accept it and try to forgive her. I would continue to plan my wedding, and fill that position. If she comes back four months before the wedding, it will be too late. The gowns will have been ordered, and you will have already given that position to another trusted friend. Someone that will support you, and you can't very well ask them to step aside. Instead, you may give her a position as a reader in the ceremony. As those positions probably won't have been assigned. She would still be a part of the ceremony and a part of your day and the memory, just not your maid or matron of honor.

You cannot hold up your wedding, or your wedding planning because of this. You would only be holding onto that resentment. If she doesn't come around, then you would really be angry and upset for holding onto all of your planning in hopes that she would have come around.

I hope that she is a part of your special day. I'm sure it will be gorgeous and you'll be a beautiful bride either way. Enjoy your special day!!!

Answer 3

Wow I'm sorry that you are in this situation. Is she by any chance used to being the center of attention? Maybe she is jealous of all the attention you are getting now that you are planning a wedding.

I had a similar issue with my sister, she is so used to getting all the attention she made a stink aobut everything when I was getting married.

If she is going to act like a selfish brat, then let her. I know it hurts, but you have stuff to do and life goes on. I would definitely find a maid of honor you can depend on. If she asks later I would not allow her to be a bridesmaid, but maybe you can reserve something else for her to do in case she changes her mind. Like a reading, or candle lighting, or even an usher.

Try not to let this spoil you day, planning a wedding should be fun and joyous, concentrate on that and why you are getting married. Good luck!

Answer 4

I would accept her decision and get on with planning your wedding with someone else in that position. If she comes around later and actually can explain to you why she felt this way now, then she can be a bridesmaid but not the MOH. That is a person you can rely on and need for help with many things that could start very soon. She should not have the privilege of the title when someone else is going to do the work then have it taken away from them.

I would let the subject lie as it is right now, she has many issues that need to be dealt with, but I wouldn't let it stop you from discussing your wedding if she is around -she needs to be reminded of how important this is to you but don't force her in to the conversation if she stays out of it. When it gets to the point of ordering dresses, try asking her one last time to be a maid and if she declines - let it go. You can't force her in to it and it will only upset you. Make sure she understands that she gets no other chances though!

Answer 5

I'm guessing she is feeling really sad about your mother. She does not feel like celebrating anything and probably resents it a little that you are getting married (even though that is completely unjustified in my opinion) because of the grieving and thinking of having to deal with your mother not being there as well. This is an irrational, but very common response to a death. She may lighten up and even enjoy going to your wedding by that time, but don't count on her acting joyous in the next couple of months. Having said that, you do need to make plans. Either choose another MOH or just choose bridesmaids and hope she comes around - anyone you have as a bridesmaid is bound to be close enough to understand why you wait to say MOH. I like the idea above about the possibility of two MOH also, though no MOH is just as powerful.

Answer 6

Well, she declined your invitation. There is something going on there. She may still be dealing with your mother's death, and just not feel up to it. It's 10 months away, so give her another couple of months to get past her issues, and then try talking to her about what's going on.

My suggestion is when you have rekindled your friendship, make it extremely clear to her that you will not wait for her to come around. You cannot have the pressure of her deciding right before your wedding to be the maid of honor.

Like someone else said, it is her issue. Don't let it become yours, as hard as it is. Your planning your wedding...enjoy it!

Answer 7

Plan the marriage which you fairly want. Yeah, there will be some aspects that are the comparable. yet there will be many aspects which would be different. additionally...think of of your customer record. Out of the a hundred travellers, merely a dozen or so would be kin out of your element of the relatives. So for the different 88 travellers, they won't be comparing your wedding ceremony to your sister's wedding ceremony. I hate to break it to you, yet most of the travellers won't undergo in suggestions what your sister's topic or your topic have been. they are going to fairly lots merely undergo in suggestions that they went to a marriage, that the bride appeared eye-catching, that there grew to become right into a cake, and the nutrients grew to become into passable. and a great form of travellers assume that siblings could have their reception interior the comparable venue. till you're donning the right comparable gown as your sister, the fact that the two are made out of lace is beside the point. The attire could be wildly different from one yet another even nevertheless the two have lace.

Answer 8

Well, there could be any number of reasons why she said NO, especially with two kids. A big one I can think of is money and time. Bieng in weddings, especially as maid of honor, requires alot of both and she may just not have it.

I would let her know you are hurt by her refusal and ask her why she turned you down.

If she comes crawling back later wanting to be in the wedding party I would have to say that you've made your plans, she made her choice, and needs to accept that. If she wants to do a reading or something at the reception let her but otherwise I would let her live with her decision, not in a rude way, but don't be a pushover either.

Answer 9

You have almost a YEAR to decide or at LEAST 7 MONTHS or so.... but I would do this if I were you..... you've asked, she declined, it's HER loss... tell her you are going to ask someone ELSE to be your maid of honor even though you REALLY WANT HER and if she says go ahead and ask someone else, then that's it.... you can't yo-yo around on the next person you ask...... BUT, if she at the last minute decided to BE in the wedding after you've gotten another maid of honor, you could REALLY break with tradition and have TWO MAIDS OF HONOR who could walk down the isle together... it's different but WOULD give you an out if the doubting sister wants IN again...Least amount of hurt all around AND not as much hassle for YOU. AND, if she does decide to be IN the wedding, you could get HER son (your nephew) to be HER counterpart or escort in the wedding party so you wouldn't be stuck with an extra groomsmen if she DIDN'T want to be in the wedding after all...

Answer 10

It is always sad to hear of family rifts like this....She sounds like she has some issues.....and that is to put it lightly. No good advising you to talk to her and find out what the problem is if she wont talk to you anyways....YOu love her and If you really want her in the wedding you might just have to be patient with her, and make your plans so you can fit in an extra attendant at the last minute. Just dont nag her to be in it because that might make her dig her heels in. Once she sees the plans going ahead and starts feeling left out, she wil most probably come crawling back and want to change her mind and be in the wedding. You would have to have a big heart and be very understanding to accept her, but I am guessing you are cutting her some slack because she has problems of some sort.
Good luck with it. I hope she does come around for you.

Answer 11

I am glad I wasn't the only one with this problem only mine bailed on me a week before the wedding and it was suppose to be at her new home! Look at it this way she is your sister and you will be ripping mad at first and then over a period of time you will get over it and make up, hopefully. Believe me she will never forget that she had the chance and didn't take it. Look at it as her loss and someone else, like my best friend was honored to stand next to me and on your wedding day thats all that matters! It's your day!