we have been best friends since 93 and now hes getting married and wants me to be in the wedding. I get alone with his girlfriend i like her alot problem is she doesnt like me because im a female and we are very close. She told him that she suppose to pick the girls in the wedding and he pick the guys unless its his sister. She said i cant be the best woman and she already has the girls she want in her wedding. Im crushed and so is my bestfriend. I dont agree but i told him dont worry bout it. Now i dont even wanna go to the wedding. Am i wrong? Why is she doing this? Is it right for her to tell him i cant be in the wedding? What should i do im lost...
2007-08-23 09:43:51 · 20 answers · asked by the truth, do you hear me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We have never got into it she just thinks we are too close. Im like a sister to him. She goes out with me and be nice but i think she doesnt trust me.
2007-08-23 09:46:03 · update #1
Thats stupi*d what you said blue flower my husband would pick HIS OWN best man, which is the same thing my bestfriend is doing trying to pick his own best man...
2007-08-23 10:00:25 · update #2
Im married and he was in my wedding...
2007-08-23 10:08:12 · update #3
Barthebear read what you said because i agree with it HE SUPPOSE TO PICK THE GROOMSMEN. your right and hes trying to do it but she wont let him. Did you read my question? If you did read it again because you my dear is lost...
2007-08-23 10:22:23 · update #4
was married lol
2007-08-23 10:24:07 · update #5
Put yourself in her shoes for a moment...girls ALWAYS view another girl around their man (friend or not) as a threat and competition. She views you as that way too.
Focus on making friends with her to let her know your not interested in her groom and let the whole thing slide about being in the wedding. Maybe tell her that you're sorry if you being in the wedding stirred up problems and you would gladly step down to help protect her feelings. This way your focusing on her and not him. Even if she doesn't show it right away...you probably will have earned some respect with her and your chances of remaining friends with the groom are greater. Because after they get married, she could forbid him not to see you or talk to you anymore if you're not careful. That's why it is so important to focus on her feelings right now.
Go to the wedding to show your support...would you rather be in the wedding but have your friendship cut off with the groom? Or would you rather give up your spot in the wedding and try to create a future relationship with the couple?
2007-08-24 04:35:57 · answer #1 · answered by art14ist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont make a big deal about it. It is their wedding after all. She probably has all her friends and family picked out as attendants. It may be as simple as that, she just doesnt have room for another bridesmaid. Dont take it personally. Plus she probably doesnt want a female standing with her fiances groomsmen because to her it would look odd.
YOu should go to the wedding out of respect for your friend. But I think the time has come for you to step back from the friendship for a while. He is marrying her and if she is feeling a little threatened or odd about your relationship, for his sake, leave them to it for a while.
You need to realise that he is going to be married to her, and that means that your relationship is going to change quite dramatically. It would even if you were a guy.
She will have the monopoly on him, and they will be doing things as a couple now.
Go rent yourself "My BEst friends Wedding" watch it and have a cry....then maybe find yourself a new best friend.....maybe a gay one.
Good luck. I do feel for you.
2007-08-23 17:02:32 · answer #2 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bc she is uncomfortable with ur relationship. Doesn't matter to her if your married or not. And unfortunately for u, she has the right to say she's not comfy with the closeness between u 2...and that might cause a major strain. She doesn't have to have u stand on her side and both parties should agree who's in the wedding and since they don't, ur left out. Better to be safe then sorry on the bride/groom side of things. Don't go if you don't want to. As for the future....I'm sure ur friendship will become more and more strained and eventually fall apart. Not to be mean, but in all reality who's he going to pick if he has to make the choice?!
2007-08-23 17:05:03 · answer #3 · answered by mrsprincess07 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would go to the wedding no matter what. He's your best friend!
She is probably insecure about your relationship with him. A lot of women would be, because it's not common to find a man who is best friends with a woman in an innocent way. It happens, but not very often.
Be respectful of his new bride and don't push the issue, but definitely go to the wedding. Perhaps he can find some other role in the wedding for you, like doing the readings or something like that?
2007-08-23 17:00:38 · answer #4 · answered by sparki777 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm sorry for the way she's been treating you. Perhaps she's simply more traditional and would like to keep the wedding that way. Personally, I wouldn't like it if my boyfriend wanted a girl to be his "Best Woman", just as I'm sure he wouldn't want a guy to be my "Man of Honor" because we are both very traditional. All that aside, you should still go to the wedding. I thought I didn't want to go to my best friend's wedding at first because she was engaged to a dog who's cheated on her countless times. Now I know I wouldn't have missed it for the world. That's one of those moments you can't get back. I certainly hope everything gets worked out.
2007-08-23 16:54:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The wedding party is for BOTH the bride and groom, who cooperate on choosing both the men and women. If the groom wants you in the wedding party, you would be a bridesmaid. Similarly, if the bride had a brother, he would be a groomsman.
Obviously the problem is because you are calling yourself a 'best friend' to him - whereas the woman he is marrying should be his best friend. So I don't blame her for being jealous or having issues with it. You should have realized things would have changed once they were dating seriously, and now you will have to respect that he is getting married, and will be living a different life.
2007-08-23 17:29:26 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You shouldn't think of it as a big deal that you won't be in the wedding. She probably just wants a traditional wedding, and it's clearly untraditional for her guy to have a woman standing next to him during the wedding. She might find it embarrassing and that's at least slightly understandable. Be there for the wedding--it would be wrong of you not to go. It's normal for the guy not to have female attendants and this wedding will be no different. Shake it off and go along with it.
2007-08-23 16:54:19 · answer #7 · answered by muriel12 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That sucks. That is totally not true. She just want it her way. Both parties should pick the wedding party. I mean, I'm getting married and my best friend, which is a guy, was going to be my best man but he declined the offer. No it isn't right for her to tell him that. Weddings are not traditional anymore so she just sucks!
If he doesn't put his foot down and tells her yes you can be in the wedding, then he sucks as a friend.
Other than that, its nothing that you really can do but sit back and watch. I think she's jealous....
2007-08-23 16:54:28 · answer #8 · answered by 2 Legit 2 Quit 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
She is VERY JEALOUS of your relationship with HER HUSBAND TO BE--even if you actually pose NO THREAT to her---SHE THINKS YOU DO and always WILL think that... even AFTER the ring is on her finger.... thing is, men are nerds ---he should be marrying YOU if you've been best friends for over 10 YEARS... geez.... who could he get along better with??????? Guys are dumb... anyway, it IS her wedding and she DOES have the right no matter how PETTY and CHILDISH IT MAY SEEM to not have you in the wedding at all.. she MAY not even have you INVITED... that's a pretty normal thing in situations like this----ESPECIALLY because of the jealousy....
2007-08-23 17:13:09 · answer #9 · answered by LittleBarb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's sad that she's so closed-minded on this question. I also think she is worrying that you and he might get close in an inappropriate way someday. Sadly, there are a lot of people who just don't understand that two straight people of opposite sexes might not be attracted to one another at all in a romantic/physical way, but still be very close emotionally.
But what's done is done. You have agreed to bow out of the wedding party. Of course you're hurt that you can't stand up for your best friend. In your shoes, I'd be very hurt, too. But remember that you agreed to take a back seat in order to keep the peace - not out of a desire to hurt anyone or lack of support for your friend. And he accepted your offer not out of any ill will towards you, but because he was putting his love's emotional needs above his own. We all have to make these compromises sometimes in marriage.
Be as supportive to him as you can. Please don't let this harm your friendship. Go to the wedding. If he looks out and finds his best friend isn't there at all, that will only hurt him.
I do hope in time the lady comes to understand that you are no threat at all to her marriage. It's sad to me that she's allowing a little thing like what gender you are upset her to this degree.
2007-08-23 17:06:30 · answer #10 · answered by gileswench 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋